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As the show starts, we see Outkast waking up and rubbing his eyes. Birds chirp on his snow-covered windowsill, and whimsical music begins to play.

'Kast: ::singing:: "THEEEEEEEEEERE'S a bunch of birds in the sky, and some deer just went running by. Oh, the snow's pure and white like my girlfriendthesisterofFOLEYIIIIIIIIIITE. Just another Monday morning in my quiet GX town. The sun is shining and the grass is green, underneath BM's rape victims, I mean. This is a day when it's hard to wear a FROOOOWN! All the GX fans pop up and say hello!"

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "HELL BUDDY IM TOO DRUNK TO SAY JACKSHIT"

'Kast: ::singing:: "Even though we canceled Sloptro. It's a Perfectn Monday morning in my quiet, little, GX town!"

Outkast's Homophobic Dad: "Where are you off to, you little fudgepacker?"

'Kast: "Finally, GX is coming BACK to the GX Arena!"

OHD: ::singing:: "Oh, what a queer child I have raised. He's been listening to Radiohead for three straight days. Thank God we live in a quiet, homophobic little, GX TOOOOOOWN."

'Kast: "HEY KUNO! I'm going to the GX Arena!"

Kuno: "WHOA! Count me in. Are there gonna be any handicapped wrestlers there?"

'Kast: "Gee willikers, I sure hope so!"

IceWolfX69: :: singing..almost::"Look at those frail mid-carder boys, it really gets me down. GX is such a rotten place. And Owen Hart jokes are such a disgrace. That's why I moved to this BEAUTIFUL, CRIME-FREE, O.J. SIMPFUCKINGSON FREE TOOOOOWN YANNO."

Kuno: "OPEN UP, CARL! We're going back to the GX Arena tonight!

Carl Hafer: "YES! YES! YES!"

Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Players: ::singing:: "OFF TO THE GX ARENA, WE SHALL GO, WHERE WE LEARN EVERYTHING THAT WE KNOW. AND NOW OUR LIVES WILL BE COMPLETE. 'CAUSE G AND MAL ARE SWEET."

Kuno: "Super sweet!"

NRFPTP: ::singing:: "THANK GOD WE LIVE IN THE QUIET, LITTLE, HOMOPHOBIC, CRIME-FREE, U....S....A!"

Outkast: "KAAAAAAHMA...PO-LEEEEE.."

Kuno: "SHHH, ixnay on the adiohead-ray.."

WCWSchvnne and Jerry Lawler Wish Fans a Merry Christmas
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, this is truly a joyous occasion. Jerry, I hope you enjoyed your present."

Jerry Lawler: "That girl that came by my house last night? She acted as if she wasn't in on it! AAAAAAGH!!"

WCWSchvnne: "I sent you a gift certificate for Blockbuster Video. What girl?"

Jerry Lawler: "Oh.. oh my god. Maybe she was just singing carols. At least she was legal. Speaking of women in elf costumes, MrPerfectn has been arguing in the back with Vince all night. Doesn't he realize it's Christmastime? It's no time for arguing! It's time for PUPPIES!!! AAAAAGGGGHHH!!"

Hardcore Kim vs. Malaki100
The Cure-loving Mal was cheered like crazy. Maybe it's because of her affiliation with G. Maybe it's because smart marks keep starting rumors that she'll soon be topless. But the fact remains; the woman is hugely over. The new heel-ified Kim, however, was booed by the faithful Harbamaniacs as she picked up a mic.

Kim: "Now I don't know what the laws are in West Virginia, but where I come from, there's such a thing as SEXUAL HARRASMENT. And I DON'T have to take it."

WCWSchvnne: "What is she insinuating, King?"

Kim and Mal grabbed each other's hair and slapped each other silly, as the 15 year-old fairweather fans of GX screamed for you-know-what. After a series of snapmares, the New Jersey Devil brought a chair into play, living up to her hardcore reputation. Unfortunately for ANTI's valet, the chair would be dropkicked into her face. The Reverend's valet then executed a springboard legdrop, imprinting the chair into Kim's forehead. As the hardcore Jersey girl writhed in pain, Mal gave the fans a smile and began to remove her shirt.

Smart Mark in Crowd: "YES YES YES YES"

She had four more T-shirts on underneath, but the crowd STILL acted as if they'd just seen something really amazing and cheered like mad. The hugely over Prince Nackamalaki then set the chair up for her patented (not by her) triple jump moonsault. With the agility of a panther, Mal executed the move only to see Kim move at the last possible second. Kim then executed HER finishing manuever: the Greetings From Asbury Park. Oh, come on. You saw that one coming. A pin was made, but a two-count was counted. The match was then determined a no-contest, when Vince McMahon stopped things short.

Vince: "MrPerfectn, you want me to 'cut out the entertainment' and let you wrestle a boring, old, ordinary match? You've got it. And Miss T0Y? You want to wrestle the guys? Well, you both win tonight, since you'll take on each other. NOW STOP INTERRUPTING MY COFFEE BREAKS, THE BOTH OF YOU."

WCWSchvnne: "What do those angles have to do with Kim and Mal?"

Jerry Lawler: "Well, if T0Y can't last until the final person enters the Stumble, she'll have to defend the Womyns title against the number-one contender the next night. So theoretically, Kim and Mal could face T0Y for the Womyns title on the January 10th Sloptro."

WCWSchvnne: "Think Malaki will be topless, if she's in that match?"

KaneRobot is Showered with Gifts, Courtesy of the Ministry of Gayness
KR: "Woah. Mlik and cookies, "UHF" on DVD, an autographed Brooke Shields napkin. A... peanut costume..well...I mean, it IS the thought that counts. Thank you, Rick. You guys are the greatest!"

Yuri: "WTF, why are you hanging out with the queer stable, dude?"

KR: "You need to learn about tolerance, bub. Who's the only guy to support your choice of sweatpants? Chris Lowell. Who brightens your day when you're down, with the help of a crazy peanut costume? Rick Parka. Who's...dead? Sorry, Dead Guy, but you don't contribute too much. And who made you laugh like crazy, when you watched "Taxi" reruns?"

Yuri: "Christopher Lloyd as Jim Ignatowski. And in some episodes, Louis DePalma."

KR: "Come on, Latka was clearly the best. Yuri, the Ministry of Gayness is all about fun. And lately, you've forgotten how to have fun. Forget the Royal Stumble. Forget the competition. Just enjoy life. Life is short. Play.."

Nike Representative: "Ahe-ahem."

Yuri: "You're absolutely right, dude. I need to take my pills and stop worrying so much. You're a pal, Kane."

Fan Walking By: "So that's it? You guys aren't gonna win a third tag title, while being on the verge of feuding with each other? No huge split? That's IT?!?!?!"

Kane: "That'll do, pig...that'll do."

Rick Parka: "Ouch."

MrPerfectn vs. Womyns champion Miss T0Y
Wanting to prove that he can wrestle a purely scientific match, Perf took The Inanimate One down with amateur holds and refused to throw punches. Unfortunately, the ameteur-style match was short-lived, as members of the Kliq took it upon themselves to interfere and attack Perfectn until the Reverend G Incognto made the save. As the Kliq headed to the back, there seemed to be a little Christmas friction.

T0Y: "Since you're not as active anymore, you're gonna help me win the Stumble, right?"

Foley: "I already promised Mek I'd help him win. Besides, this all goes back to when I said that we shouldn't interfere in each other's matches and all that jive."

Jobber: "You never said you wouldn't interfere in my matches. You're free to help me win. And don't even try to give me any crap that Mek deserves it more than me. I held the ICC belt. I main evented the Sloptro with Des. "

Foley: "But Mek and I had a deal.. ah shit, THE KLIQ IS COMING APART AT THE SEAMS."

WCWSchvnne: "THE KLIQ IS COMING APART AT THE --"

Foley: "Beat you to it."

Outkast is Back and Has a SHOCKING Announcement
Outkast: "At this time of year, we re-evaluate our lives. We think about how lucky we are to have loyal friends like Kuno Powers and Carl Hafer."

Kuno: "I love you, man."

Outkast: "We thank God for our accomplishments."

God: "Leave me out of this sentimental B.S. please."

Outkast: "And we look to those we love, and thank the stars above that we're lucky enough to have found somebody in this fucked-up, cruel world. Foleysis?"

Kuno: "Did you hear me? I said I love you."

WCWSchvnne: "OH MY GOD! Outkast is on bended knee! He's proposing again! This time it's for real..I think."

Outkast: "Foleysis, will you marry me?"

Foleysis: "LIKE OF COURSE!"

Kuno: "I LOVE YOU, TOO."

Backstage:
T0YBrother #1: "YO THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL THAT SHIT RIGHT THERE THAT MOVED ME AND I CONSIDA MAHSELF A BROTHA WHO YOU KNOW HIDES HIS EMOTIONS AND WHAT NOT BUT I AINT AFRAID TO CRY WHATCHU THINK FOLE YOU LOOK CHOKED UP YOU AIIGHT"

Foleyite: "I have a match to work, if you'll excuse me."

Loser Leaves Forever Match: Foleyite vs. AAisWAR
WCWSchvnne: "With the Foleysis/Outkast relationship reaching a new level here tonight, and this very personal feud coming to a head, this may be the most emotionally charged..ah match, we've ever had. VERY EMOTIONALLY CHARGED, whatever EMOTIONALLY CHARGED means."

"Montel, is this wrong?"

The Right One spat Evian at the crowd and shook his ass George Michael-style for perhaps the last time, as AAisWAR ran into the ring and clobbered the Gayme in the back of his left leg with a wrench. A pair of Irish whips and a backdrop later, Foley rolled to the outside and Y2AA followed suit. The egotistical Kliq member whispered to the timekeeper and then making like Anita Ward, Foley rang AA's bell..with the bell.

Referee: "DQ. DQ on Foleyite."

WCWSchvnne: "Foley's been disqualified! He loses! It's that simple! For weeks, he's joked about being old news, but now Foleyite must leave GX forever!"

AAisWAR: "Hold up, everyone. I want Foleyite gone, but I want to send him packing ::mock whiny, gay voice: the right way. I want to PIN HIS ASS."

WCWSchvnne: "Dammit, I wonder who wins NOW. Stupid bookers."

And with that, the match continued and the violence escalated. Another "Foleyite-almost-dies-from-a-bump-off-of-entrance-ramp" spot was teased several times, as the two combatants fought up and down the aisle. Taking advantage of the new no-DQ clause, The Right One damn near gave his opponent a concussion with five consecutive chairshots. The Right One slid back into the ring, and the ref counted AA out.

Foleyite: "Hold up, hold up. Now it would absolutely suck to have a loser-leaves-match end on a count-out. Then again, I want AA gone and I'll take it any way I can take it. MERRY CHRISTMAS, AA! HIT THE BRICKS!"

AA couldn't believe this crap. And the fans weren't buying it, either. And Vince McMahon's back out again, for some reason.

Vince: "AA is not going ANYWHERE. Forget this match. I mean it. Just forget it. Because I would suggest that I have a brilliant idea. I am entering you both in the Royal Stumble on January 9th. If Foleyite eliminates AA, AA will leave GX forever. If AA eliminates Foleyite, Foley will leave forever."

AA: "What if I enter at #3 and Fole gets #24, and I'm eliminated before he's even in the match?"

Vince: "Sigh, just like the T0Y/Stumble gimmick, I didn't quite think this through. Well, if that happens, I will feel very, VERY foolish."

"The Marine from Milwaukee" Has a Promo to Cut
MekZhaoyun: "Chant "ASSHOLE" all you want. I've got something important to do here. Consider it my Christmas present for all of you stinkin' idiot jackasses. No, I don't have a stinkin' match to work. No, some babyface isn't going to make a stinkin' jackass run-in and start some stinkin' angle with me. I'm just here to cut a stinkin' promo because I am going to win the 2nd Annual Royal Stumble on January 9th because I'm a Marine and I am from Milwaukee."

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "WE WANT HARB OR PERF OR G OR DES - YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE IMMENSELY LIKABLE GX FACES"

Mek: "Don't you listen? Nobody's going to do a run-in. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. Now about how I am going to win the Royal Stumble on January 9th."

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "DES IS RIGHT BEHIND MEK THERE IS GOING TO BE A RUN-IN THANK GOD"

Mek: "That doesn't count as a run-in, because he didn't run in. He was lowered from the rafters. So, we can't really refer to Des' appearance as a run-in."

Des slopped 'til he dropped and dumped Mek on the back of his neck, before ripping up Jewel's book of poems and screaming something about Sri Lanka. Judging by his actions, I think it's safe to say that Des really wants to win the Royal Stumble on January 9th.

World champion Battle Monkey vs. Chris Benoit
Set your stopwatches and mark your calendars, smart marks. Benoit is finally wrestling for a World title. The Canadian Crippler yelled for the timekeeper to ring the bell, and began to chop the big oak tree known as BM down with knife-edge chops. The chops were ineffective, but the tenacious Benoit kicked BM in the stomach and then surprised him with a snap suplex. Smart Mark in Crowd's pants were soaking wet, as WCW's wolverine took to the top rope and flew into BM's shoulder with a diving headbutt. ONE. TWO. Yeah, right. Benoit tried a second diving headbutt, but had his midget-like face being driven into the mat with a facebuster. The World champion followed that up with a pair of powerbombs and a lateral press. One. Two. Three. The undefeated BM then raped Benoit for all he was worth, as a plethora of smart marks watched in disbelief. As fear gripped the Canadian Crippler, he found himself unable to speak. He flailed his arms violently, but could not escape the wrath of the dominant World champion.

WCWSchvnne: "I guess that's what 'silent but violent' is all about."

Smart Mark in Crowd: "This is a DISGRACE. GX has done it now. Chris Benoit just got jobbed within a few minutes and then got RAPED. This is a travesty. Hopefully, they'll bring in Hayabusa and give him a Harbcore title reign. That would make their ratings bigger."

Reasonable Guy in Crowd: "What the hell are you talking about? They just let Benoit main event the Christmas special in a World title match in his friggin' debut. I wouldn't mind being raped by a legend with the money his Canadian ass is making."

BM: "HEY. SHUT UP. Even guys from the Big Two cannot contain me. I guess I should act like that bald WCW guy, because I really want to know - who's next?"

Southern Voice from the Back: "I am."

The guitar-driven entrance theme of Hardcore Holly began to play, and WCWSchvnne quickly ran out of ways to call this an important moment.

WCWSchvnne: "Holly has found his super-heavyweight! Hollly is back! Holly vs. BM - - We Want To See It!"

Andy Kaufman Has a Present for Us ALL
Andy: "Ladies and gentlemen, I know I've been a bit of a pest since my GX debut. But with my new movie "Man on the Moon" coming out today, I hope you'll all realize that I'm a comedic genius like all those assholes should have realized while I was alive and worship me and give me a really big push. Thank you veddy much. And people, here is my gift to you. Would you please give a warm welcome to SANTA CLAUS!"

Giant Sled With Guy in Santa Suit in it: ::begins floating towards ring::

Michael Stipe: "IF YOU BELIEEEEEEVE .... THEY PUT A MAN ON THE MOON ..... MAN ON THE MOOOOON"

Stipe danced in the ring, if you can even call that dancing, as the sled carefully landed at ringside. Santa hopped out and hugged Andy and Stipe, as a pair of elves handed empty boxed wrapped in wrapping paper to audience members. The show could have ended with the three raising each others' arms in the air. That would have been a nice way to end a Christmas special. But, this is GX.

World champion Battle Monkey, wearing a Santa hat (complete with fur), stormed the ring. Knowing BM like they do, Kaufman and Stipe got the fuck outta dodge to avoid being raped. Santa just stood there, and then bent over to get BM a present. Oh lord. BM raped the jolly fatman and then chokeslammed him through the sled full of goodies. Only in GX.

911: "Battle Monkey, you have topped me once again."

WCWSchvnne: "Merry Christmas! Happy Chanukah! Happy holidays, fans!"

Jerry Lawler: "AGGGGHH! You forgot to mention Kwanzaa!"

WCWSchvnne: "Hahaha, like that's a real holiday."

[Fade to black.]