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In the 1980s, there was a show that inspired millions of children to believe in aliens that spoke English and were hilarious. I know it worked on me. Anyway, this show is ALF (short for "Alien Life Form"). KUNO was just too cool and sent me a comp tape chock-full of ALF goodness. So, I'm going to go through the first 4 episodes on the tape. I have watched each of these twice.....so let the critiquing begin. Each
show is rated on a 4 star scale.

Cast:
Max Wright as "Willie Tanner"
A good actor who, according to what I have heard, is on the new "Norm Show" on ABC. His character is that of a father who loves his family, and loves Alf (although he loses his patience with him now and again)
Anne Schedeen as "Kate Tanner"
Probably the best actor out of the cast, the character of Kate is weary of Alf at first, but realizes her children like him and gives in to letting him stay.
Andrea Elson as "Lynn Tanner"
A decent actor who, although she has braces, would be quite doable.
Benji Gregory as "Brian Tanner"
He's a little kid, so his acting isn't exactly great, but you get the feeling that his character is definitely the closest to Alf in terms of being "friends."
Other actors include:
Liz Sheridan as Raquel Ochmonek and John La Motta as Trevor Ochmonek
Mrs. Ochmonek plays the part of the nosy neighbor that knows something is up at the Tanner house, but can't quite get the proof. Mr. Ochmonek plays the part of the lovable "Lazy Drunk" who want's nothing more than to catch a Dodgers game on the tube while smoking a cigar and eating a pizza with the works.

On all of these but the first, I have made up a name for the episode to give a one or two word summary.

Show #1
"Pilot"
This is the show that started it all....and includes the "No Problem" from {S ALF.
The episode opens with Willie and Kate in the garage...Willie begins picking up a strange signal on his short-wave radio....seconds later, a ship crashes through the ceiling, an unconscious Alf contained within. The show does the opening credits. The family brings the unconscious alien in and puts him on a blanket on the coffee table...the family discusses what to do with him (on an amusing side note, Brian exclaims to his mother, "E.T. got to stay, why can't he??" To which his mother replies "E.T. was just a movie, this is real!") Alf comes to and speaks for the first time....

Alf: Can I offer a suggestion? Why don't you fix my spaceship?
Brian: Whoa! It's heavy, it's hairy, and it talks!!

Eventually, the family decides to give him a one night stay at the house, and we soon learn that Alf is not only from the planet Melmac, but that the planet was MADE OUT OF "Melmac" as well.

Alf's day with the family is very funny. There is a great rip on Sesame Street...
Brian: Did you get Sesame Street on Melmac?
Alf: No, and I don't get it here either!
(then a voice on the show says something about a cow riding a subway to punctuate the joke)

After the show is over, they go to the kitchen for something to drink. Kate informs them, "No soda before dinner," and seconds later hears the opening of cans. They come back holding the cans, but it's not pop.....IT'S BEER!!! BWAH HAHHAHAHAH!!!
Kate scolds Alf, but he gets back on her good side by segment's end.

There is a HILARIOUS bit where Willie is taking a shower and he informs Alf to stay away from the windows due to their nosy neighbor Mrs. Ochmonek. Of course, he does not, and looks through the shade to see Mrs. O staring right back at him. She shrieks for her husband, but when he gets there Alf is gone. The husband leaves, and Alf is back in front of the window dancing around and taunting her in a bit that had me laughing my ass off.

At the end of the episode, the evil Alien Task Force shows up at the door asking Kate if she had seen any aliens around.....she is about to turn him in, but after she hears what will happen to him (dissection, etc.) she tells him she hasn't seen anything. There is a group hug.

The show ends with Alf going to the garage late at night and trying to contact his fellow Melmacians on Willie's short wave (during this segment we also learn his first name is "Gordon".) He gives a touching speech about how he really likes the Tanners (note: Tanners are behind him, he doesn't know it), and says it breaks his heart that he will probably never see them again.
Alf: So....if you can hear me....try to stop by sometime....I'll introduce you to these wonderful people.....................................and then we can eat their cat.
<show ends>

Rating: ***
A good pilot that hooked millions of people to a hilarious little alien.

Show #2
"Vacation"
The show opens with a great "cat eating" reference from Alf, and seconds later, smoke erupts from the kitchen after Alf starts a grease fire.

Alf: Grease fire! Grease fire!!!
Family: Oh no!!! (rushes in to put it out)
Alf: Forget about the curtains, put me out!!
The opening credits are shown.

The family is trying to plan a vacation to San Diego, but eventually realizes they can't go anywhere because they can't leave Alf by himself. The family eventually decides to take Alf with them and rent a motorhome and go camping. While in the woods, it rains the whole time. Alf's complaining sends Willie over the edge and he gives Alf an ultimatum: Stop complaining or leave. Alf leaves, and heads off into the deep woods in the middle of a thunderstorm. The family eventually convinces Willie he was wrong, and he goes off looking for him. Meanwhile, Alf has wandered into someone's cabin....and when the two classic "dumb hillbilly hunters" return, they find Alf and are about to butcher him when Willie comes in and, after an amusing segment, pays the two moronic hillbillies $100 to let the both of them go. After they get back to the motorhome, Alf accidentally blows it up while trying to light the barbecue (although this is just mentioned, not shown).

Rating: **
An OK show....there wasn't much GREAT humor here except for the part where Alf is talking to one of the moronic hillbillies.

Show #3
"Alf and the FBI"
Note: This episode was directed by "Peter Bonerz"
The show opens with Alf calling into the Larry King Live show and talking about how the production of nuclear weapons needs to be stopped. Alf decides to take matters into his own hands, and rigs Willie's short wave radio up and calls Air Force One. The person screening the call misinterprets the call as a "nuclear threat from a terrorist" in an amusing bit, and in the next segment Willie is arrested for endangering national security. Alf
thinks it's no big deal at first, but after Lynn talks to him about how she wants her father back, Alf calls the plane again, this time actually talking to the Chief himself (an actor doing a VERY good Reagan impression is on the other end). Willie is released after Alf and Brian set it up so it looks like it was Brian all along, just messing around with the radio. The show closes with the family getting a plaque of recognition from the White House thanking them for their concern over nuclear weapons safety.

Rating: **1/2
Better than the last show....but still not quite as good as the pilot. The "Lynn wants a separate phone line" subplot was weak.

Show #4
"Babysitters and Burglars"

Lynn and Kate have to attend a baby shower, so Willie, Brian, and Alf are going to be home alone until late....that changes when Willie gets called into the office for an emergency. Alf volunteers to babysit, but the family says "no way," and gets Mrs. Ochmonek to sit. There is a great segment where Willie takes Alf into the bedroom and tells him to stay there until they return. Alf inquires what he is supposed to do the whole time, Willie hands him a jigsaw puzzle

Alf: It's broken
Willie: You are supposed to put it together.
Alf: Why? I didn't break it.

After Willie, Kate, and Lynn leave, and Brian is put to bed, the show gets GREAT. Mrs. Ochmonek is watching "Psycho" on TV, so naturally she jumps at every little sound in the house...and when Alf orders a pizza and then falls out the window while trying to get outside the house, she freaks out and calls her husband over, who is pissed because he was watching a baseball game on TV, and even more pissed when he comes over and sees nothing. Mr. Ochmonek leaves, and an uproarious segment follows, as the pizza man arrives with the pizza, Raquel puts it on the kitchen counter, and wonders why in the world a pizza was delivered, calls Trevor, comes back to find the pizza missing (Alf got it), Trevor shows up wanting Pizza, but Raquel tells him it's gone. At that moment, Alf puts the remaining pizza back on the counter, and Trevor takes it and goes back home to watch the rest of the game. Alf sneaks back into the bedroom, and begins playing dress-up!!!! I laughed a LOT at this part, and the Alf narration ("blue was definitely not my color" as he is wearing a dress) was just brilliant. Another amusing bit is when Willie calls home and Alf answers....

Alf: Hello?
Willie: What are you doing answering the phone??
Alf: <annoyed> I live here!
Willie tells him to hang up and stay away from the phone....the phone rings again.
Alf: Hello?
Willie: Why do you keep answering the phone!?
Alf: You keep calling!

Soon after, a REAL burglar comes in as Alf is sitting on the bed. Alf freezes, pretending to be a stuffed animal, but as he realizes what the burglar is doing, he speaks to him, and in a funny exchange:

Burglar: Whoa, it's one of those talking dolls!
Alf: Ever see a talking doll that could rip your voice box out??
Burglar: <Dives out the window...but has everything he stole with him>
No worries, though, the police catch him quickly and everything is returned.

Rating: ***1/2
This is definitely the best of the four I have watched so far. The Alf narration was a GREAT idea for this episode. Alf in a blue dress was a riot, as was the conversation with the burglar.

I will be back later this week after I watch a few more episodes. So, as Alf would say:

"I'm coming back sooner or later, so stay right there you couch potater! HA!"