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::glass breaks::

::crowd pops::

::Smart Mark in Crowd takes out a pen, some paper and a stopwatch::

GHarb77: "Last night, I lost a match because of a decaying elephant penis. Now I'm not gonna get off on a rant here, because online entertainment has its place and that elephant penis is more over than Jeff Jarrett will ever be. My beef is with what caused that giant dong to fly into my spine. Hardcore Devil Jersey whatever-you're-calling-yourself this week, you wanna be like Chyna and T0Y and tangle with the big boys? You've got it. Tonight, we'll see how 'hardcore' you are in a Harbcore rules match. You're hardcore. You hang around ANTI and Bob Holly, right? You can handle it. See you tonight, Jersey girl."

WCWSchvnne: "WOW, HARB-KIM TONIGHT?! WHAT ELSE WILL GO DOWN?! AA has arrived! He's carrying his bags and walking! He was hit by a car eight days ago, and he's acting as if it never happened! Maybe it didn't! Maybe I had some kind of Fellini dream that went all wrong or something! This is the man who declined an offer from a certain other organization, just to get revenge on Foleyite! Why do I keep mentioning that AA turned down an offer from another organization? I'm sure it will mean sometihng eventually! And who is that sitting in Vince's office? It's the Womyns champ Miss T0Y! What's that all about?!?!?!"

KaneRobot & Yuri Compare Fanny Packs in the Back
Yuri: "Dude, check it out. I signed a match for the F'N WORLD TITLE TONIGHT. Me and Battle Monkey, dude. IN AN F'N SCAFFOLD MATCH."

Kane: "Ha. You're joking, right? Are you an idiot?"

Yuri: "Yeah, I'm an idiot. I'm the idiot who will be World champion after tonight."

Kane: "So you're admitting to being an idiot then."

Harbcore champion Pete Lothario vs. Mr. ANTI vs. Rick Parka
Since she was facing Harb later in the night, Hardcore Kim didn't stick around for the entirety of the match. She left Mr. Cocko with The ANTI One and wished them both luck. The Ministry of Gayness, consisting of Dead Guy from Suddenly Susan, Any Kaufman and Chris Lowell wished Parka good luck, and Lowell even kissed the peanut-costume-clad warrior.

Lowell: "Come on, Andy! Kiss him! He tastes like a peanut!"

No one gave Lothario a kiss or a "good luck" and that fueled a hatred in the champion so great, that it caused him to hit both ANTI and Parka over the head with a hickory stick. He REALLY needs to find a new weapon. Lothario whipped Rick into the corner, but before he could charge at the MoG member, ANTI panced him and gave his buttocks a cold, hard slap.

Crowd: "WHOOOOOOO"

The crowd seemed to like it, so ANTI did it again. And again. And AGAIN. After turning the half-naked Lothario around, the Most Lovable One peppered him with right hands. Parka was still out of breath in the corner, and this gave The ANTI One the opportunity to use Mr. Cocko. As he picked the hefty Cocko up, the crowd all said "oooOOOOOOOH!" in unison and eagerly anticipated Cocko's role in the match. The hadest-workin' elephant penis in the game today was launched into orbit, but Lothario moved out of the way. So did Parka. ANTI's trusty friend landed DIRECKALEE onto the lap of Drunk Guy in Crowd.

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "HELL BUDDY I CANT FEEL MY PELVIS ANYMORE"

On the GodwinnTron:

Hardcore Kim, tied to a chair in a dark room: "Is this what you want, Harb? For me to admit you're better than ANTI? Fine. Whatever. You're better than ANTI. Now will you let me go?"

GHarb77: "Yeah. I guess I could never hit a defenseless woman's hand with a Darth Maul action figure. I'm serious. I don't want to take it out of the package. It decreases in value, if I do so. Besides, I am not that mean."

ANTI ran to the back like a lightning bolt, as Lothario turned and walked right -smack- into Parka's peanut-costume. Parka fell on top of the Kliq member for the pin. Onw. Two. Three.

Jerry Lawler: "AAAAAAAAAGHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA"

WCWSchvnne: "Rick Parka just won one of our titles in a peanut costume. There's nothing elft to say here, I don't think. Pretty much speaks for itself."

Miss T0Y's Meeting With Vince
T0Y: "I don't see why I shouldn't be. They had a girl in last year's Stumble, and you had Chyna in the WWF's Royal Rumble."

Vince: "But, we're really missing the boat here on some exciting Womyns title matches. How about this? If you're eliminated from the Stumble before the thirtieth man ent.."

T0Y: "Ahem."

Vince: "Thirtieth person ent.."

Mr. Cocko: "....."

Vince: "Thirtieth noun enters. If you're eliminated before the thirtieth..thing enters, you don't have to defend your title against women ever again. You can retire the belt, wrestle your friends, whatever. But up until then, you honor your obligations as champ. And if you are eliminated before the thirtieth..object enters, then you will defend that title against the number-one contender the very next night on Sloptro."

T0Y: "I think your idea's great, except for one thing. It sucks."

Vince: "T0Y, get back here. T0Y, GET BA.....STEPHANIEEEE. STEPHANIEEEE."

Ted the Janitor: "Her name isn't Stephanie."

Vince: "Well, you're a janitor. HAHAHAHA!"

MrPerfectn: "VINCE! YES, SIR! I've been looking for you all night. I HAVE BIG, BIG PLANS for you. Ok, G and I discu.."

Vince: "MrPerpindicular! Just the superstar I wanted to see! I've been thinking about a gimmick change for you. The Backstreet Boys are really hip with the girls, you know. How about you become "Backstreet Pete"? We'll discuss it later. I need some more coffee!"

Perf: "WAIT, VINCE. DAMMIT. How much coffee does one guy NEED?"

REMATCH OF THE CENTURY ...OR NOT: Malaki100 vs. IceWolfX69
It's gotta be a sign of the apocalypse. The Womyns division is actually meaning something again. Meanwhile, Bret Hart's not as over as Norman Smiley. HAHAHAHAHA..sorry. The woman known for her support of G Incognto used her speed to her advantage, ducking Ice at every turn and wearing the big Canadian out in the process. It took less than three seconds for Ice to begin wheezing, and it took less than three seconds for Ms. 100 to try to pick her up and fail miserably at doing so. Every pound of the evil Canadian came crashing down on Mal, for the one, two, thr- two and a half. With tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime and a weight advantage on her side, Ice fell against the ropes and then fell forward with ...I guess we can call it a big splash. Anyway, Mal moved in the nick of time and then called for the crowd to throw chairs into the ring.

Smart Mark in Crowd: ::throws chair::

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "OWWWWWWWWW HELL BUDDY YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL THAT CHAIR FLEW TWO FEET"

Ok, so Mal's plan wasn't going quite like she planned. If she was going to pull off the Sabu triple-jump moonsault, she was going to have to get a chair her damn self. After much searching under the ring, G's ring-savvy valet found a chair, but by this time Ice was up again. In an INCREDIBLY agile move for a woman of her size, Ice actually executed a baseball slide that sent the chair into Prince Nackamalaki100's face. Canada's own dragged her opponent back into the ring and administered a Canadian drop, not to be confused with the Samoan drop. After having a bag of Crunch Tators, the Wolf ran the ropes. How many times did mom tell us NOT to wrestle within 30 minutes of eating? Ice cramped up and began choking on the delicious mesquite flavor of the chips. A concerned Malaki quickly gave Canadian Bacon the Heimlich maneuver. As Mal did so, Ice's weight shifted. The Cure freak tried to hold her ground and somehow pulled off a German suplex. One. Two. Three.

WCWSchvnne: "MAL WINS! MAL WINS! This is great!"

Jerry Lawler: "So is she gonna flash us or what?"

WCWSchvnne: "We can't all be like the WWF, Jerry."

Jerry Lawler: "Hell, if these women won't, my girlfriend would be happy to."

WCWSchvnne: "No, Jerry. We have something here in GX called class. OH MY GOD, IN THE BACK! HARB IS BEATING KIM AND ANTI SILLY WITH MR. COCKO! WHAT A NIGHT! WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S THE KLIQ!"

The Kliq Introduces a New Member?
Jobber4WCW: "You people don't realize that this is the greatest assemblage of talent in online entertainment history. I mean, look at the competition. The Ministry of Gayness? Mid-carders. Not-Ready-For..they're not even ready to be worth mentioning. What about those old stables? The Folepack? The Posse? The SOP Army? HAHA, don't make me laugh."

MekZhaoyun: "And tonight, we only get stronger. Ladies and gentlemen, the newest member of the Kliq..he's not a marine and he's not from Milwaukee. He's a pianoman and he's from California, DAVEYDOG30."

WCWSchvnne: "NO! NO! NO! DAMMIT, NO!"

Foleyite: "I know what you're all thinking. After ALL that happened...WHY FOLEYITE WHY? I never thought this would happen either. But why the animosity? Because Davey LIED? When I was Davey's age, I probably told some little, white lies. You in the front row, you made mistakes when you were 17, didn't you? Besides, Davey proved his loyalty to the Kliq by running over his old pal AAisWAR last Sunday."

Davey: "AA got hit by a car?"

Foley: "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Funny story, really. I ran AA over with my car, right? Then I introduced the newest member of the Kliq, eight days later on Sloptro. And his name sure as hell ain't DaveyDog30."

WCWSchvnne: "BEHIND DAVEYDOG!!! BATTLE MONKEY! BATTLE MONKEY!! DAVEYDOG30 HAS BEEN BROUGHT BACK, ONLY TO BE DUPED! BM HAS JOINED THE KLIQ!"

Yep, BM was behind Davey alright. And I think we all know that a man should NEVER stand IN FRONT of BM, if you know what I'm cookin'. The dominant BM chokeslammed the helpless youth and then proceeded to rape the GX castaway for eight minutes. With BM on their side, The Kliq has even more power and I don't see anyone else coming in to help the opposing sides' cause. Except THAT guy.

AAisWAR: "Foleyite, you make me physically ill. Ever since March, you've run the show in some way or another, and I'm not about to let your Kliq have all the power around here. Hell, I got an offer from another online entertainment company down south, and I turned it down. I'd rather beat you at your own game. Even if it means going through Battle Monkey. TONIGHT, ME AND YOU, FOLEYITE."

Foleyite: "Woah, woah, woah. Calm down, people. That won't be happening. Haven't you heard, AA? I'm old news! I have to put the future superstars over now. So if you want a match, you'll have to meet a certain Kliq member who will win the Royal Stumble on January 9th, MekZhaoyun."

AA: "I knew you'd pussy out of it. If I have to face Mek, I'll add a stipulation. If I WIN, Davey's reinstated in GX, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. Let's see you hold on to your precious power, when Davey's back in the mix."

Foley: "If you win, hot stuff. If you win."

HARBCORE RULES MATCH: GHarb77 vs. Hardcore Kim
New Jersey's contribution to the GX roster stepped into the ring tentatively, with chair in hand. The nervous valet wiped the sweat from her hands onto her faded Springsteen T-shirt and taped up her wrists.

::glass breaks::

::Beetlejuice and Drunk Guy in Crowd vomit simultaneously::

The West Virginia Rattleharb received the kind of pop that only a Stone Cold parody could receive, and then leaned back to punch the ANTI One's valet. He just couldn't do it. Harb is a man's man, and there's nothing manly about hitting a woman. Instead, he kicked her in the mid-section and dropepd her like a bad habit with the Slop Cold Stunner. Mr. ANTI ran to the ring like a duck-billed platypus in heat, and prevented Harb from making things worse. Another silly ANTI/Harb argument ensued, with no progress being made whatsoever. Ten minutes later, Kim rose to her feet and requested that her match with Harb continue. ANTI was adamant that the match be cancelled altogether. Harb flipped everyone off, and the fans popped like crazy. Reverend G Incognto, who was scheduled for a title defense against mrPerfectn arrived and convinced Harb and ANTI that they shouldn't ruin their friendship with silly arguments. They needed to unwind and have a few drinks. MrPerfectn arrived and samd the same thing. Now it was time for our G/PERF TITLE MATCH.

::strobe lights::

WCWSchvnne: "What on Earth..?"

"YMCA" began playing in the arena, and twenty-three sailors did a dance number in the ring, while Kirk Cameron rode around on a unicycle. Apparently, the G-Perf match has been postponed, due to Vince McMahon wanting to emphasize "online entertainment". Sigh.

Scaffold Match: World champion Battle Monkey vs. Yuri
This match...it didn't last long. BM. Yuri. 50 feet up in the air. We knew it was coming, and we let it happen. I guess that's what we get for using flattened cardborad boxes above the ring, as part of the scaffolding. Once BM kicked Yuri in the mid-section up on those cardboard boxes, it was all she wrote. The Heartbreak Kid of AOL was sent through three tables that were stacked in the ring, via a life-altering powerbomb. KaneRobot rushed to Yuri's side, held the youngster's wobbly head in his arms and looked towards the ceiling. BM just walked to the back for a cigarette.

Kane: "Yuri, you IDIOT. I TOLD you not to do this. DAMN YOU AND YOUR BRAVERY. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY? WHY? TAKE MEEEEE."

WCWSchvnne: "I always said his tremendous heart and courage would be the death of him. What's that? He's not dead? Just injured? Well, get his scrawny ass out of the ring. We've still got one match to go, for Chrissake."

Kuno Powers & Carl Hafer Knock On Outkast's Front Door
Outkast's Homophobic Dad: "Yeah, what do you queers want?"

Kuno: "Are 'Kast and Foleysis home? We were gonna get dinner at Arby's."

OHD: "Yeah, they're upstairs. Doing god knows what. We both know they aint' gettin' it on. My son's too preoccupied with British rock stars to get any from a woman."

Outkast: "I HEARD THAT, DAD."

Foleysis: "Your dad's a little..like....weird...you know?"

Outkast: "I just wish he'd let me LIVE MY LIFE AND BE WHO I AM, WITHOUT JUDGING ME."

OHD: "DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE AND SHOW YOU HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN, FAGBOY."

Foleysis: "Uhhh...maybe moving in with you was a mistake."

Outkast: "Sigh."

If AA Wins, DaveyDog30 Is Reinstated: AAisWAR vs. MekZhaoyun
Mek came to the ring, escorted by that oh-so-selfless Foleyite. AA came to the ring, escorted by that.. DaveyDog30. To receive even more chants of "HE'S HARDCORE", AA began the match by giving the Marine from Milwaukee a chairshot to the back. Y2AA then backed Foleyite into a corner, but The Right One moved just in time to avoid a concussion. While the Neck Cyberer was distracted by the mere presence of The Gayme, Mek rolled up from behind. One. Two. Not quite, but Mek now had AA at his feet and stomped the bejesus out of the man. The Marine from Milwaukee kicked AA to the outside, where Foley gladly lent a helping hand and two helping legs, as Mek distracted the referee with the Roger Rabbit. The arrogant Fole rolled the beaten Neck Cyberer back into the ring, and Mek MACE the pin. One. Two. Nah, too easy.

Foley: "Hey Davey, long time, no see. SING US A SONG, YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN."

Davey chased The Right One around the ring, as the Benny Hill theme played, and as AA gave Wisconsin's own a low-blow. Davey chased Foley all the way to the entrance ramp, where the rest of the Kliq greeted AA's partner with open arms. Y2AA couldn't help but be distracted and turned his attention to the entrance ramp. Mek spun him around, and administered the Transformer Diamond Cutter. One. Two. Three. Meanwhile, after a brutal mob beating, Foleyite scooped Davey up with a Tombstone piledriver, leapt off of the ramp and crashed into a table below.

Jobber4WCW: "GIGIGIGIGIGIGIGI" ::crotch slop::

WCWSchvnne: "What is WITH that?"

A united Kliq stood at the top of the entrance ramp to close the show, when a spotlight hit the rafters and another DesDev sighting was made. But, this wasn't your usual "in-the-rafters-Des-appearance". No, he hada VULTURE with him this time. The magnificent bird flew to the ring and shit on the ring ropes. The members of the Kliq stood hypnotized like Stepford children.

Des: "You are very sleepy. You're all going to let Des win the Royal Stumble on Jaunary 9th."

W46578: "We aren't asleep yet."

Des: "Oh..you're VERY sleepy. Are you asleep?"

DOAskull: "Almost. Can I have a night light?"

Des: "No! You can't have a..hold on, I might have one in my trenchcoat."

WCWSchvnne: "Uhh, we're out of time."

The Rock: "Shh, shh, shh! The Kliq is trying to sleep."

WCWSchvnne: "Goodnight, fans. Sleep well."

[Fade to black.]