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All We Are Saying is Give Jobber4WCW A Chance
Jobber: "Hey Vince, you got a minute?"

Vince: "For you? I've got one and a half. Make me some coffee, and we'll see what we can do."

Jobber: "No problem. Forget that I ever asked to face Des at Snowed In. Ok, maybe I'm not the most over guy in the company. Maybe I'm not "main event" material yet. But all I need is the opportunity. Give me Des tonight, and I'll give you a **** main event match. So how do your like your coffee, anyway?"

Vince: "I like my coffee like I like my men: strong and black."

"The Greatest Tag Team in GX History" W46578 & DOAskull (With Foleyite) vs. Kuno Powers & Outkast (With Carl Hafer & Foleysis)
Foley: "What's wrong with this picture? We have the greatest duo to ever compete in the company in one corner. In the other, we have a pair of green rookies. Outkast and Kuno make The Mulkeys look like The Rockers, as far as I'm concerned."

Hafer: "OOH, THE ALMIGHTY MR. FOLEYITE. WHAT A DAMN LEGEND, HE IS! Give us a break. You already ruined my match last night. Do you want some of this?"

Foley gave Carl the old "come on and chase me, you gullible face you" hand motion, and Hafer chased The Right One all the way to the entrance ramp. As the two faded into the curtain, a leg struck Carl in the face with a superkick. Miss T0Y emerged from the back and high-fived Foleyite, but not before Foleysis joined the fight and hopped on T0Y's back with a sleeperhold.

In the ring:
Outkast: "You go, girl!"

Kuno: "Man, your girlfriend kicks more ass than Carl."

As 'Kast & Kuno marveled at Foleysis' physical attributes, W4 & Skull gave the lovable Outkast a double-dropkick that sent him into Kuno. Powers tumbled through the second rope and hit the cement floor with a thud. The arrogant former tag champs then dumped Foleysis' man on the back of his neck with a paralyzing double-side-suplex. W4 followed up with a big splash. One. Two. NO? Damn. The tenacious 'Kast tagged out to Kuno, and the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Player was a HOUSE OF FIRE. Unfortunately, the fire was soon extinguished, when Kuno was the recipient of a powerbomb/neckbreaker combination. W4 pinned Powers at 7:05. The Not Readies blamed Foleyite for the loss, and an intense Outkast challenged Foleyite to a match TONIGHT. Despite the fact that he had just wrestled, he chose to do this. Not too bright, but courageous. A fat boys.

Vince McMahon and Jobber4WCW - They Go Together Like... Something Something
Vince: "Jobber, I look to the future. I would suggest that the youngsters we may consider mid-carders are the future of this very company. Young men like Yuri, Outkast, Kuno Powers and Carl Hafer. They are the building blocks for the next generation of GX superstars."

Jobber: "Blah blah, new generation, blah blah, young guys. Will you give me a match with Des tonight or not?"

Vince: "In THAT VERY RING? I'm still thinking about it. Have I told you about my marketing plans for Mr. Cocko?"

Jobber: "Ugh.." ::sits back in Lay-Z-Boy and ignores Vince's long, boring stories::

Foleyite vs. Outkast
Although he had competed earlier in the night, 'Kast was able to last fifteen strong minutes with The Right One. After shaking his ass George Michael-style, the Gayme worked over 'Kast's legs and locked him into a figure-four leglock. It would take the young phenom two minutes to reach the ropes, and it would take a while before he was able to use his legs properly again. But use his legs properly again he did. The upstart came on strong eight minutes into the match, by DDTing Fole after a series of Tae Bo kicks. It was short-lived. 'Kast tried another Tae Bo kick, and The Right One caught his leg and applied the Texas cloverleaf. Outkast submitted at 14:57. A superlative effort from the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Player. After having his hand raised, Foleyite joined WCWSchvnne and Jerry Lawler on commentary briefly.

Foley: "See that? That kid can't hang. He can't hang with me. These young guys don't have what it takes. I just beat him fairly, right in the middle of the ring."

WCWSchvnne: "Yeah, but Outkast had already wrestled once tonight. Let's see you wrestle another match and beat someone of your caliber."

Foley: "Shut up."

Yuri Arrives at MekZhaoyun's Door For an Offer He Can't Refuse
Mek: "Welcome to my humble abode, Yuri. Can I get you something to drink? Hi-C? Kool-Aid? Everclear?"

Yuri: "Let's get this over with, Mek. WTF is the offer I can't refuse?"

Mek: "Well, no man can refuse a delicious, home-cooked meal. And I made you a Milwaukee specialty. Bon appetit, dude."

Yuri: "ARRRRRRRRRGHHHH!!!! YOU F'N SOB" ::turns table over::

Mek: "What's your problem? I JUST vaccuumed. Now I have to clean up a pile of spaghetti? Thanks a lot, dumbass. How could your dead dog be in spaghetti? Like I'd chop him up in tiny pieces and use him as the ground beef? There wasn't any beef in the meal. It was just sauce and pasta, you fucking idiot. Smooth move, Ex-Lax."

Yuri: "Sorry, I just figured that you'd parody the Al Snow/Bossman angle, since it kinda tied in. I apologize for underestimating you as a human being. Maybe you are a respectable guy, Mek. Again, I apolo...WTF."

To The Heartbreak Kid of AOL's dismay, "La Bamba" began to play. Yuri's dead dog then lowered from the ceiling on a string, as Pete Lothario and a host of Mexican men in bumblebee outfits crowded around the deceased with aluminum baseball bats.

Mek: "Ay Carumba, bitch." ::whacks the dangling dog in the head::

Yuri: "MEK...YOU HAVE DISRESPECTED THE DEAD FOR THE LAST TIME. ON SUNDAY, YOU WILL PAY THE ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE PRICE." ::stomps a Taz action figure on table and leaves::

Dead Guy from Suddenly Susan, Rick Parka and Andy Kaufman Confront Christopher Lowell
The three perennial losers stumble into Lowell's dressing room, but find that he is nowhere to be seen.

Andy Kaufman: "We got the BRAINS, Lowell. We know you're full of it. You can't help anyone. You can't do shit. You couldn't get a whore to spread her legs."

Parka, Dead Guy: "I don't get it."

Kaufman: "Because he's gay and all."

Dead Guy: "COME OUT, LOWELL, YOU TWO-FACED SON OF A BITCH. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED BY HARDCORE HOLLY AND SEE HOW IT FEELS."

The door suddenly blew shut and mysteriously locked itself. The three jobbers clutched each others' hands tightly, as a pink light fell across the room. Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" began to play, soothing the minds of everybody in the room. Christopher Lowell stepped out of the bathroom nude, but no one wanted to feed him to the shark that is Hardcore Holly anymore. The gayness in the room was contagious. Even the cameramen began to get down and let it all hang out with Lowell and his new friends. We had to borrow some cameramen from MTV's "The Real World" until the homosexual shindig came to an end.

GX Snowed In Preview

GHarb77, MrPerfectn & Intercontinentally challenged champion Reverend G Incognto (With Malaki100) vs. KaneRobot, Harbcore champion Mr. ANTI & AAisWAR
Just to clear things up, let's remind everyone that everyone in that ring is friendly and on speaking terms. This is just to "spice things up" for that silly gimmicky 7-way match at the slop-per-view. As usual, G started the match off. He's really been working too hard, and it's obvioulsy affecting his ringwork. Kane was able to dominate G quite easily, pummeling him with hard right hands and such. Dammit, I wish we didn't have to borrow the cameramen from "The Real World". They totally ruined the serious nature of this match.

Cameraman: ::zooms in on Malaki's distraught face::

Third Eye Blind's "How's It Gonna Be" begins to play, even though no one in GX uses that for a theme song.

ANTI: "Hey G, keep your [BLEEP] in check. LMAO! Just kidding, man!"

Backstage, in a "confessional booth":
New Jersey Devil: "I just feel that...sometimes G doesn't..respect others' boundaries? I mean, you know? ANTI dipped his finger in G's peanut butter, and he like..totally flipped out. It's like..if you wanna do your flip-outs..feel free to flip out. But..I don't know."

On the ring apron:
Cameraman: ::zooms in on AA::

AA: "I've heard some of the other top contenders to the World title talk about kicking me out of the match. That's bull [BLEEP]."

Harb: "Things between the six of us are definitely far from Harb-O-Rific. I just don't know where things are headed."

Cameraman: ::zooms in on Perf, before fading out::

"EVERYBODY HUUUUUUUUUUURTS..sooooometimes."

After having an important match marred by the folks from MTV, all six men flipped out and began beating up the "Real World" people and each other. While letting it all hang out, the six contenders didn't seem to care that World champion Battle Monkey was now entering the ring and chokeslamming everything in his way. By the time he was done, BM had chokeslammed all six main event stars, the referee, Famous Mortimer, I.P. Freely, a gay Eskimo wearing a "CHOOSE LIFE" T-shirt and Jeff "Will, Why Don't You Call No More?" Townes.

Vince McMahon Interviews a HUGE Celebrity!
Vince: "At this time.. I would suggest that it is an honor.. to present a man who all of you have seen on your television sets. This is a man ... who is tougher than shoe leather, but showed us what being a real man is all about, by being a true father figure. Why, we've even see Ernest Borgnine do a striptease for my next guest in the green room at "Late Night with Conan O' Brien". Ladies and gentlemen, the television champion, CONRAD BAAAIIIIIIIIIINNGGHHHNNE."

Jerry Lawler: "AAAGGGHHH!!! Conrad Bain? Mr. Drummond from "Diff'rent Strokes"? I thought we brought out the big names here in GX, Schvnne. Hell, Jesus is more over than this guy."

Vince: "It's great to have you here at Sloptro, Conrad!"

Conrad: "Oh, thank you. I'm not sure I understand a lot of this, but everybody's been very polite. I can't believe you hired a clown to dress in a peanut costume just for me."

Vince: "Ah, haha. I've hired bigger clowns in my day. And I've come up with worse gimmicks than peanut costumes, but that's neither here nor there. Conrad.. nothing sells tickets like a wrestler vs. celebrity match. DesDev needs an opponent for "Snowed In", and now I believe that you.. DesDev..and all these people here.. can smell ..what the McMahon.. is cooking."

Conrad: "Ah, I'm not sure I understand. And why are you pausing after every word you utter? I guess all I have to say is ... whatchu talkin' 'bout, Vince? Hahaha."

Crowd: "........"

Conrad: "Certainly, you can't be suggesting that I wrestle a match?"

Vince: "No. No, I'm not suggesting that at all. Forget it. This interview is over."

Foleyite Runs Into The Old Gang
Foley: "Whoa, T0Y Brother #3! I haven't seen you guys around lately. What's been going on?"

T0Y Brother #2: "Thanksgiving week, man. Behind the Music Marathon."

Foley: "Ah, I would have invited you guys to the Thanksgiving dinner, but I figured you guys were busy."

T0Y Brother #4: "DON'T E'EN SWEAT IT FOLE ITS ALL GOOD SAY GRACE DO YO THANG WE DO OURS EAT SOME YAMS YOU KNOW HOW WE DO IT"

Foley: "You guys'll help me out on Sunday, right? Slop-per-view."

T0Y Brother #3: "Damn, another one ALREADY. It's like every month now. Sheesh."

T0Y Brother #4: "IM DOWN WIT PROTECTING YOU FOLE HELL YOUD WATCH MAH BACK IF IT CAME DOWN TO IT LOOKIN OUT FOR ONE ANOTHER AND WHAT NOT SWHAT ITS ALL ABOUT KNOWHATIMSAYN"

Foley: ::nods and smiles::

Well, I think it's safe to say that Vince gave Jobber precisely what he wanted: a main event match with Des. Either that or this "DesDev vs. Jobber4WCW" graphic is here just to confuse us all. The good news is that our GX cameramen were back and ready to go to work. The bad news is that although we got rid of the "Real World" team, we have just inked a deal with the creators of "South Park". Sigh. Don't let that news ruin this historic main event.

Both participants were given a classy introduction by Nipsey Russell, and as soon as Nipsey was out of sight and the bell was rung, it was on like neckbone or something. Jobber, who had opted to wear FUBU instead of his usual ring attire, spat on Des to start things off. Mr. 4WCW obviously did not do his homework. The Sting-esque Des cannot be hurt by saliva. (Don't ask.) Des threw punches and kicks at Jobber, and the Kliq member sold them as if he was being hit by lightning. After an Irish whip and a lariat, the mysterious Des signalled for the "Rosie-Buster", and Jobber quickly dove to the safety of the ring ropes. The two locked up again, and the Kliq member began administering kneelifts to Des' mid-section. After a minute or so of this Steve Blackman level of excitement, Jobber drove his prey into the mat with the Running Jobber Bomb. A pinfall was now only a formality. One. Two. NO. You don't spit in the wind. You don't tug on Margot Kidder's drawers. And you don't pin Des' shoulders to the mat, without buying him dinner. Des "hulked up" and eventually brought down the house with his own version of the Slop Drop. One. Two. Three. Des had won, but he was still unhappy and omnious-looking. The Crow impersonator ordered that Vince come out and annoucne who he would face on December 5th. Vince came out, but made no such announcement. McMahon was grabbed by the ring around his collar and thrown into the turnbuckles by the GX superstar.

Des: "I PAID $30 FOR NWO SOULED OUT. YOU OWE ME."

Vince: "That was a Turner pay-per-view!"

Des: "Yeah, well King of the Ring '95 was no walk in the park. Who am I facing? It's a simple question. A celebrity? Conrad Bain? Lisa Whelchel? Danny Bonaduce? The kid from "Donna Reed"? Surely, you have SOMETHING up your marketing sleeves."

Vince: "I would suggest that you turn around, Mr. Dev."

Des turned around, and was promptly belly-to-belly suplexed through the mat. Fans roared and booed, as cameras zoomed in on the giant face of Des' attacker.

WCWSchvnne: "This is what Vince meant when he talked about how nothing sells tickets like a wrestler vs. celebrity match! He didn't mean Conrad Bain. He meant Rosie O' Donnell! The Des-Rosie feud is far from over, and it comes to a head on December 5th, at Snowed In!"

[Fade to black.]