Back

Earlier Today
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, sometime during the day we filmed Mr. ANTI, KaneRobot, G Incognto, GHarb77, AAisWAR and MrPerfectn picketing outside the Granny Godwinn Pavillion. Here you see..well.. ah...can't we fast forward through ANTI telling the fans outside to touch that elephant penis?"

Mr. ANTI: "LMAO! IT'S MR. COCKO! LMAO!"

Jerry Lawler: "HAHA! The six of them are ruining Vince's career! They're whining about not having World title shots and Vince losing his magical booking touch. AAAAAGHH!!"

DesDev Tries To Cheer Rick Parka Up By Showing Him How the MAD Fold-In Works
WCWSchvnne: "And what about DesDev? In order to be a part of the Royal Stumble, he must defeat a suitable opponent at Snowed In. But who the hell is it? And the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time Players..is tonight the beginning of a revolution? Can Kuno Powers overcome the egotistical Foleyite in a battle of youth vs. slightly-older-youth?"

Miss T0Y Gives Foleyite a Hug, as He Tapes His Wrists Up
Foley: "Don't interfere in my match. Don't even let the rest of the Kliq get involved. I need to do this alone. And trust me, no one will appreciate what I'm about to do more than you."

T0Y: "Just stop letting the Outkast/Foleysis thing get to you. You'll give yourself a headache."

Foley: "What the hell am I supposed to do? My sister's in love with a moron. The same moron Vince wants to push to the god damn moon. I'm only 20 and Vince wants me to pass the torch? What the hell is that? The guy's obsessed with this idea that the younger you are, the better. After more than two years of online entertainment, Vince just wants to.."

Stu Hart: "Ehhhh ehhhh, get rid of you?"

WCWSchvnne: "What is The Gayme planning to do? No one would appreciate it more than T0Y? What is he talking about? WHAT A SLOPTRO IT'S GONNA BE! THE BEST EVER SINCE LAST MONDAY, IN FACT!"

"The Heartbreak Kid of AOL" Yuri vs. Pete Lothario
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, we hate to do this, but we have no choice. Yuri's dog Sparky .. passed away last night. Our prayers go out to Yuri's family and Yuri himself. Yuri's a good kid, and this can be a very traumatic experience for someone his age. But we're still making Yuri put his working boots on tonight!"

Despite the grim news, Yuri went out and put on nothing short of a * match that came to an end at 6:39 when The Heartbreak Kid of AOL forced Lothario to submit with a Sharpshooter.

WCWSchvnne: "What a professional. Even in a time like this, he does his job without complaining, and does a damn good job. Actually, we haven't told him about his dog dying and stuff yet. Oh man, will he be pissed when he gets backstage."

Jerry Lawler: "Uh, Schvnne. What you just said went over the PA system for some reason."

Yuri: "WTF YURIDOG DIES AND NO ONE F'N TELLS ME ARRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

After being informed of this tragedy, Yuri refused to release Lothario from the Sharpshooter. The ref reversed his decision and gave Pete Lothario a DQ win, as MekZhaoyun attacked the upset youngster from behind with a nightstick. The Impish Players took turns making dead dog jokes and kicking the St. Louis sensation while he's down. KaneRobot made the save, but it was too late.

Yuri: "KANE my F'N DOGS DEAD JUST LET ME DEAL WITH IT ARRGGHH I dont need your help all the damn time i can beat Mek my damn self"

Kane: "Yeah? Good luck getting your ass kicked at the slop-per-view when I don't save your ass, bub. ASS."

Jobber4WCW Wants a Word WithVince McMahon
Jobber: "You want your moneymaking match for Snowed In? Jobber/Des. Think about it. The two longest-reigning Intercontinentally challenged champs of all-time going head-to-head for a Stumble spot. This will be a bigger draw than Diesel/King Mabel, I GUARANTEE it."

Vince: "Hmm, perhaps. Would you be open to a new gimmick? How would you like to be repackaged as Jake the Manslaughtering Mongoose? Ok, I'll admit it. The 'Jake' part's a tad gimmicky, but we can work on it."

Jobber: "Well, look at the time! Gotta go! Forget I said a thing. You heard NOTHING."

Foleyite vs. Kuno Powers
An excited Kuno bopped his head to Local H's "Eddie Vedder" as he entered the ring to a great reaction, considering that he has not had a significant role yet in GX. Although he has been a heel for the majority of his GX career, the boos seemed to agitate the egomanical Gayme tonight. Foley looked bored, as if he didn't even want to work. Before the bell rang, he pointed at a guy with "STILL RIGHT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS" sign. He then locked up with the promising young star they call Kuno. Kuno whipped Fole to the mat with an armdrag. The more experienced online entertainer mockingly applauded the move before locking up again. Kuno scored with another armdrag and followed it up with a dropkick. The Right One ran the ropes and eventually ran into a Kuno hiptoss. The young star messed the move up a little bit, but hiptossed Foley and got the job done. The Right One no-sold it and laughed. At that point, the very-over Outkast sprinted to the ring and walloped his girlfriend's brother in the back of the neck with a rare vinyl copy of "Pablo Honey". Kuno rolled The Gayme up. ONE. TWO.

Kuno: "Dude, just be a professional."

Kuno winked at his fellow Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Player as he sent Foley into the ropes. Outkast didn't pay much attention, as The Right One reversed things, allowing 'Kast to accidentally trip up Kuno. Foley pinned the youngster's shoulders to the mat and told the ref to make it snappy. ONE. TWO.THREE.

Kuno: "COME ON. You were booked to job, Foley. Damn, man."

Foley: "Fuck that. Fuck Outkast. Fuck Vince. Fuck all of you. I jobbed to kids with ADD. I jobbed to fat guys with a thimble full of talent. I've jobbed to too many people for too damn long. From this day forward, The Right One lays down for ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. In wrestling matches, anyway."

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "FAG"

Crowd: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"The Greatest Tag Team in the History of GX" DOAskull & W46578 vs. God & Trent Dilfer
In a shockingly short encounter, the self-proclaimed icons of tag team online entertainment defeated the duo of God & Trent Dilfer in less than three minutes. They may be controversial, but let's give some credit where it's due. And let's wonder why a man wearing a halo made of tinfoil is entering the ring, as W4 and Skull celebrate.

W4: "Ref, I think we've got an overzealous fan here."

Jesus: "I'm no fan of yours. My name is Jesus. Do you believe in me NOW?"

W4: "You're just some bearded guy with a tinfoil halo."

Jesus: "AM NOT! I DIED FOR YOUR SINS!"

W4: "If you're dead, then why are you walking and talking like a normal guy?"

Jesus: "Well, the fundamentalists were a tad off on their prediction of my return. I'm not waiting until 2000. Screw that."

Skull: "Wait a minute. You died for our sins, even though you don't know us, right? Then you just magically came back from the dead? Oh yeah, that's believable."

Jesus: "Oh, you'll soon understand. You'll BOTH understand what Jesus is AAAAALL ABOUT."

Christopher Lowell Encourages Dead Guy From Suddenly Susan to Pursue His Dreams
Lowell: "Sometimes I like to think of myself as a beautiful butterfly. When someone insults me, I just fly away!"

DGFSS: "That's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard in my life. I've been around for eight months and I haven't gotten jackshit. I'll never receive a push in GX for as long as I .. am here."

Hardcore Holly: "You want a push? You meet the Big Shot in the ring on Sunday night, and we'll see what you've got."

DGFSS: "Christopher Lowell, thank you! Thank you for opening my big asshole eyes and making me realize that I have what it takes! One could call this a big coincidence, but without you, Holly never would have challenged me to a match! Thank you, Lowell!"

Lowell: "My work here is done! I must depart and help others in need. TO THE VIPER ROOM!"

World champion Battle Monkey Drains the Lizard
Ed Norton: "Time to go pe..oh wow. Aren't you..? Oh, you don't have to turn around. Just keep peeing, sir. But ..you're.. you're Battle Monkey! You won't believe me, but I'm Ed Norton. I was in 'Fight Club', 'American History X'?"

BM: "I believe you. I liked you in 'Primal Fear'. GX is really bringing in the big-time celebrities now, eh?"

Norton: "No, I'm just here as a fan. Oh man! Battle Monkey appreciates MY work. It is an honor to urinate in the urinal next to yours, sir! Wow, you're even bigger than I imagined down there!"

BM: "Ed, remember that scene where you got raped in the prison shower?"

Norton: "Yeah..OH NO. BM, COME ON. I'm a HUGE fan."

The World champion slammed Norton's head into the think marble wall and since Ed's pants were already down, there was even less work for BM to do. BM raped Norton, until somebody else entered the bathroom.

BM: "He fell."

Fat Guy Entering Bathroom: "Like this is the first time I've seen Ed Norton with his pants around his ankles on a bathroom floor. Please!"

Title vs. Title Match: Womyns champion Miss T0Y vs. Inter-Gender champion Andy Kaufman
In a match that focused more on technical wrestling than any match we've seen from GX in months, T0Y attempted to prove the doubters wrong by going hold-for-hold with the legendary comedian. The first five minutes consisted of Kaufman's signature showboating. The Inanimate One quickly grew tired of Andy's tactics and brought him down with a spinkick. Her offense would be short-lived. At 7:14, Andy wrapped T0Y up in a sleeperhold, and the All-American T0Y struggled to find a counterhold for several minutes.

Backstage, the Match is the Subject of Much Discussion:
Foleyite: "Come on, T0Y. Elbow. Elbow your way out. It's not rocket science."

Jobber4WCW: "You watching T0Y-Kaufman? Ha, I know T0Y's part of our Kliq and all and she's cool, but there's no way she can beat Kaufman."

Foleyite: "You're just saying that because you're sexist. T0Y is as good a worker as anyone in this company."

Jobber: "HAHAHA! Whatever you say, Fole. I'm outta here. Have fun."

Get in the ring:
T0Y eventually did elbow her way out of the sleeper, but ran into a kneelift shortly thereafter. Andy claimed that T0Y had been "Kaufmanized" and that he "had the brains". After covering her for a near-fall, the former Latka Gravas attempted a suplex. The Kliq's leading lady slid down his back and then missed a spinkick. Andy missed a clothesline and soon found himself the recipient of the Superkick From Hell! ONE. TWO. NOP. T0Y tried a second version of the move, but Kaufman pulled the ref into the way and then laughed at the ref for being "Kaufmanized". While the ref was out cold, Canada's IceWolfX69 dove into the ring and dumped a bucket of ice-cold Canada Dry over the head of the Womyns champ. Kaufman covered T0Y and hooked the leg. After realizing that the referee wasn't going to come to anytime soon, Kaufman strutted around the ring and claimed that SNL's Ana Gasteyer had been "Kaufmanized". That may be so, but it didn't stop Foleyite from interfering and knocking the Inter-Gender champion out cold with a chairshot. The ref miraculously recovered, just as T0Y laid her arm across Kaufman. ONE. TWO. THREE.

Footage from Earlier This Week: Foleysis & Outkast Walk the Streets of New York During a Promotional Tour for "Snowed In"
Outkast: "Is Steve still pissed about us?"

Foleysis: "He's like still mad at you and everything, but he's like PMSing or something, because T0Y says he's like acting weird, and when I like ran into Jobber and W4? They were like 'your brother's acting really weird lately', and I was like 'damn'. Mek said the same thing when I saw him. Ya know?"

Outkast: "Just shut up and kiss me, dammit."

Michael Jackson: "Hear her voice..shake my window..sweet, seducing sighs. Get me out..into the nighttime...four walls won't hoooold me tonight. If this town ... is just an apple ... then let me taaake a bite. If Foleyite says "Why? Why?" Tell him that it's human nature. Why? Why does he do me that way?"

Outkast: "Whoa, I'm still young, but I'm old enough to know better than to fall for your tricks, Michael."

Michael: "Let's see you say that after an accapella duet of "The Girl Is Mine" with my friend, Paul McCartney."

Paul McCartney: "I've bagged meself a bloody one-legged model, mates! I guess that makes me the LEGman. Goo goo goo joob."

Outkast: "Yikes."

At This Point, We Should Be Going Off the Air
WCWSchvnne: "We really should."

Jerry Lawler: "But Vince is being escorted to the ring by GHarb77, AAisWAR, Mr. ANTI, KaneRobot, MrPerfectn and G Incognto, and they don't look too happy! AAGGGGHHH!!!!!"

The six strapping young lads forced Vinny Mac to grab a microphone and announce that he isn't quite the booking genius that he is said to be. Vince's fearful face is a beaut, ain't it?

Vince: "Boys, please. I...I'm sure I can come up with something. Some kind of..specialty match..notwithstanding.."

Harb: "ADMIT IT. You're all out of ideas. The slop-per-view has NO DAMN BUILD-UP AT ALL. YOU'RE FUCKED, VINCE. FUCKED!"

Kane: "I say we HANG HIM."

G: "I say we make him watch footage from 1995 RAWS, THEN we hang him!"

Vince: "GOD NO!"

Perf: "I say WE KILL ..."

Vince: "WAIT! WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE! I'VE GOT IT! On December 5...at Snowed In...we're gonna have ourselves a SEVEN DEADLY SINS MATCH! All six of you and Battle Monkey battling it out for the biggest prize in online entertainment!"

G: "Damn, he's good."

ANTI: "LMAO! REAL GOOD!"

AA: "Late."

Vince: "HAHA! I guess everything is settled then! A SEVEN DEADLY SINS MATCH! HAHAHA! It's a booking dream come true! GET IT?"

Jerry Lawler: "VINCE!!! AAGHHHHHH! BEHIND YOU!!!!!!"

DesDev sent the stuffed-shirt to the mat with his own version of the Slop Scorpion Stop Drop and Roll inverted DDT. I guess Des isn't pleased about not knowing who the hell he's facing in two weeks. Either that or he has still harbors some resentment towards Vince over the whole Saba Simba debacle. Personally, I feel that it's the latter.

Poor Rick Parka
Rick: "This sucks. Lowell didn't help at all. I'm still stuck in a peanut costume. I'm still a jobber. If things get any worse, I'll be joining Mary Kay Bergman in no time."

John Cleese: "So much for pathos!"

[Fade to black.]