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::glass breaks::

::Smart Mark in Crowd asks his mom for $8, so he can buy a Mr. ANTI sock::

WCWSchvnne: "Harb must be PISSED, after the events of last night. Losing the title to Battle Monkey is one thing. But he missed 'The Practice' just to work that slop-per-view, dammit. I'm very interested in what he has to say here tonight."

GHarb77: "Last night, I was figuratively raped in the middle of the damn ring. Knowing Battle Monkey, I'm lucky that it was just a figurative rape. Ever since my first reign as World champion, we've had a tradition here in GX. Take a look at the history books, or the GX site, since that would be more helpful. Every guy to ever win the GX World title has left the promotion after losing it. Well, I'm not about to puss out like they did. I want my return title match at GX Snowed In, on December 7th. And I want the cast of the Phantom Menace to be a part of it somehow. I know that will be difficult. Vince, pull some strings."

MrPerfectn: "Slow down. I happen to be one of those former World champions. And I did leave, for a while. I left because things had changed. It became more about online entertainment. It felt like there were no heroes in this business anymore. Plus, I had to job to whatzizname. It was humiliating. But I CAME BACK. And I want my BELT BACK. I want to avenge my loss to Battle Monkey. And I'd appreciate it, if Drunk Guy in Crowd would settle down and stop calling us both fags. What's your opinion, Harb? I'd like to know."

AAisWAR: "I hate to interrupt, but I'm going to. I am also a former World champion. And I left, WHILE holding that title. Foleyite and Vince McMahon's obsession with 'online entertainment' has RUINED this business. We all deserve a shot at the World title, but babyfaces like us just don't get the breaks anymore. Sick. Late."

Vince McMahon: "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU THREE. Maybe you're right. You do deserve a shot at Battle Monkey's World title. Why don't we have ourselves a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH HERE TONIGHT?"

Perf: "NO. Triple threat matches are so overdone these days. Sigh. You're gonna make us work a three-way, aren't you? Forget it. We'll have your damn three-way."

IceWolfX69 vs. Foleysis
It was the most one-sided match ever seen in GX history. It was like watching Viscera eat a pork chop. As soon as the bell rang, The Canadian Monster knocked the wind out of GX's valley girl with a sidewalk slam. Foleysis did not get up, and Ice did not care. The disgruntled beast punished Foleyit'e little sister with three -count 'em - THREE big splashes. Womyns champion Miss T0Y had seen enough. The Inanimate One sprang into action and missed a superkick. She ended up being on the receiving end of a sidewalk slam and three big splashes herself.

Jerry Lawler: "This has gone too far. I can't watch..unless Ice starts stripping Foleysis! AAAGGHHH!"

WCWSchvnne: "Good god, Jerry, she's 16."

Jerry Lawler: "18's legal. 17, with consent. 16, with a doctor's note. 15, if her dad's in the room! HAHA!"

WCWSchvnne: "You're a sick man. A sick, SICK man."

It was then that Foleyite, sporting his new poor-man's-version-of-Triple H-in-street-clothes look, then entered the ring and bent a steel chair in half with the help of Ice's head. As Outkast and T0Y helped Foleysis to her feet, The Right One did something he hasn't done in months. He smiled. The usually-arrogant Fole gave his sister a hug, as everyone in attendance applauded. After the classy embrace, The Gayme raised Outkast's hand in the air.

WCWSchvnne: "Foleyite? Raising OUTKAST'S hand? I don't think ANY of us were expecting Foleyite to turn face tonight! This is unbelievable! Utterly nonsensical, but still unbelievable!"

Slop of the Week
Footage from Slopvivor Series:
Smart Mark in Crowd is walking down the stairs, carrying eight buckets of popcorn and 14 assorted GX T-shirts, when he is tripped up by an effeminate man dressed up as Repo Man. The crowd laughs, as SMIC's mom helps him up.

During the Break
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, we were in the middle of a match between Foleysis and IceWolfX69, when Foleyite made an unscheduled appearance and attacked Ice with a chair. Here we see Fole hugging his sister and raising 'Kast's hand. Then, THIS happened."

[Foley raises 'Kast's hand, then kicks him in the crotch and follows up with a DDT. The Right One yells several profanities while spitting on 'Kast and punching him in the groinial oxtupperous region. T0Y and Foleysis break the brawl up, but Foley shoves them to the ground and begins punching the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Player in the crotch a few more times. T0Y slaps a sleeperhold on The Gayme and hops on his back, but is snapmared into the mat. 'Kast begins to step through the ropes, when Foley lifts the middle rope into the youngster's groin and repeatedly punches him in the sweet spot. The brawl is broken up forty minutes later. No explanation is given for Foley hitting Outkast in the crotch a million times, but it's pretty self-explanatory. And no, it does not mean that he's gay. That angle ended a while ago.]

MekZhaoyun (With Pete Lothario) Interview
Mek: "When I think of losers, I think of two things. I think of the cast of 'Suddenly Susan'. And I think of Michigan. On two consecutive slop-per-views, I have defeated Michigan's contributions to GX. I am the only man in GX history to PIN KaneRobot. I am like the 53rd man in GX history to PIN Outkast. I'm more than meets the eye. AND I'm a MARINE and I'm from MILWAUKEE."

Pete: "Kane pinned me last night, and I wasn't even in a match. What the hell is that?"

Mek: "Kane is a pussy. I'd challenge Kane to a match for the next slop-per-view, but he's too much of a coward to show up. I guess Kane just doesn't have the BALLS."

Pete: "Again, just like Chyna. I love it. It sounds so sassy!"

WCWSchvnne: "Kane isn't even HERE tonight. This is ridiculous."

Jerry Lawler: "He ISN'T? So what was the point of that segment? Are we having a Kane-Mek rematch at the December slop-per-view?"

WCWSchvnne: "Nope."

Jerry Lawler: "DAMMIT, our booking has now sunk to a WCW-like level."

An Open Challenge From The ANTI One
ANTI: "LMAO BABYCAKES! Last night, I bitchslapped Steve Case..ripped his pants off real nice..and raped his ass like a chicken! LMAO! But, that's not quite enough. I have to live up to my billing as the Most Lovable Man on AOL. And furthermore, I need to live up to my billing as the Harbcore champion. So, this goes to all you fudgepackers in the back. If you want it, here it is, come and get it."

Over the PA: "Montel, is this wrong?"

ANTI: "LMAO! FOLEY? Shaking your ass like George Michael isn't the kind of hardcore I mean!"

Foleyite: "I'm not hardcore? Who took a 15-foot fall from the top of the Cell, back in March? I'M HARDCORE! I'M HARDCORE! Who let a kid tombstone him from the entrance ramp into a table below, just to satisfy the bloodthirsty fans? I'M HARDCORE! I'M HARDCORE! Who's the guy who shook his ass George Michael style to Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl", and ended up getting his you-know-what caught in his zipper? Sigh, it was horrible. The babysitter was over, and didn't know how to react. My Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas weren't quite so cute after that."

ANTI: "Whooooa, that's some motherfuckin' story."

ANTI sympathized with Foley, but kicked the crap out of him anyway. The controversial superstars took their fight to the entrance ramp, bringing back memories of Foleyite's infamous bump at G-Raided. ANTI wanted to hiptoss Foley off of the entrance ramp, but had the move reversed. The Harbcore champion almost broke his hip, as he sailed into the cement floor. The Right One just shook his ass George Michael-style. Then in an effort to prove how
"hardcore" he is, The Gayme leapt off of the ramp with a flying body press. He was caught, however, and powerslammed into the cement. ONE. TWO. NO. The tenacious Mr. Ite slowly got to his feet, as another GX superstar leapt off of the entrance ramp. It was Outklast, and the frying pan in his hand was headed for the back of Foley's head. The Right One tried to shield himself with ANTI's body, but The ANTI One wasn't about to take this bump. The frying pan clocked Foley in the head and the Most Lovable Man on AOL fell on top of him. ONE. TWO. THREE.

Yuri Interview
Yuri: ""i know everyone came here tonight to see the NEW TWO TIME TWO TIME WORLD TAG CHAMPS the zac and prozac connection but Kane is not here tonight. And I hear Mek coming out here and challenging my pal Kane and it makes me sick WTF IS HE WHERE IS MEK THIS IS BS WHO IS MEK SOME F'N JAYBRONE HAHAHAHAHAH TES. Mek you just made a big mistake, because at our next slop-perv-iew you have ME TO DEAL WITH AND WE'LL DO IT IN A BOOT CAMP MATCH NOW WTF ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WCWSchvnne: "BM!!! BM!!!! MY GOD. Battle Monkey has just entered the ring, and he is raping The Heartbreak Kid of AOL! Wow, he is really giving it to Yuri."

Jerry Lawler: "AAAAAAGGGHHHH!! This is more disturbing than the Mae Young/Moolah segments! I'd rather sit through a 'Caroline in the City' marathon than witness this, Schvnne!"

Yuri: "WTF THIS GUY IS BUTFUCKING ME SICK GET THIS F'N JAYBRONE OFF OF ME THIS IS BS WTF ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!"

Backstage, a worried Vince McMahon wondered if he had taken his concept of online entertainment too far. He took a sip of his coffee and did a double-take as he gazed at the monitor. Vince laughed heartily and enjoyed his coffee.

NEW! Intercontinentally challenged champion Reverend G Incognto (With Malaki100) vs. God (With Trent Dilfer)
In a 15-minute classic, the incomparable holy man of GX scored a clean pinfall in over God himself. Even Trent Dilfer's cries of "SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES" couldn't stop the G-Man from successfully retaining his title. After G and Mal had left the ring, God and Dilfer discussed the possibility of competing in the tag team ranks.

Rick Parka: "AM IN IN THE BATHROOM YET? HELLO? ANDY? JUST SAY 'STOP' WHEN I GET TO THE URINAL."

God: "NO ONE interrupts MY segments."

The Real Higher Power threw a lightning bolt at the unfortunate Parka, setting both his face and his peanut costume on fire.

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "ROA-STED PEA-NUTS! <clap clap clap clap clap clap> HAHAHAHA, I MADE UP A FUNNY CHANT!"

Smart Mark in Crowd: "That's not a funny chant, you mark. You need to suggest that a valet is a whore or suggest that a man sucks cock, if you want a REALLY good chant. Or say fuck! Like "you fucked up"! HAHA! Now THAT's comedy!"

DesDev Interview
WCWSchvnne: "Tonight, we are finally going to hear Des speak!"

Des: "I went back and watched the tape of Slopvivor Series last night. I watched it over and over. I fast forwarded through the dead spots. I paused when Kane's tights were pulled down. Then, I had to sit through my own segment. There I was, dangling from the top of a steel cage, wearing only a cape. Oh, what a fool am I. But we must let the past be the past. Battle Monkey, due to the events of the past few weeks, I am DEMANDING that you defend your title against me at the next slop-per-view. Um, WHOOO?"

WCWSchvnne: "I don't get it."

Jerry Lawler: "Why does he have to parody Sting? We need to give Des some more to work with here. Christ."

Backstage, the locker room was buzzing. Everybody was a little peeved that Des, a man who hasn't been wrestling regularly since June, was asking for a World title shot. Except for Andy Kaufman, who just kept teasing Rick Parka and slapping his charred flesh with a dueling glove.

Backstage Interview with Hardcore Holly
Mean Gene Okerlund: "Hardcore Holly, how is your search for a GX superheavyweight going?"

Holly: "It's not good, Gene. WCWSchvnne seems to gain ten pounds a week, but he's no wrestler."

Andy Kaufman: "Blah blah blah."

Holly: "Hey. The Big Shot's talking."

Kaufman: "So what. I got the BRAINS, buddy. Besides, they told me to inform you that your dad just died of cancer."

Holly: "You're joking."

Kaufman: "HAHA, you've just been Kaufmanized, my friend."

Holly: "But I knew you were joking. How was I..forget it."

MrPerfectn vs. AAisWAR vs. GHarb77
It's not common to see three men at the top of their game in one match. Well, it's 1999 and three-way matches have become rather commonplace, so I take it back. Perf, Harb and AA worked a dynamic match, considering they were only given three minutes. After being informed that they only had a minute left, the three slowed the pace of the match down, as Reverend G Incognto strutted to the ring with a microphone.

G: "As the Intercontinentally challenged champion, I am officially the number-one contender to the World title, right? Plus, Battle Monkey defeated me in his debut, so a BM-G match has a lot of historic value. Add in the fact that I've never won a World title, despite having many shots at it, and you've got yourself a main event! Hell, I've main evented three slop-per-views already. The fourth time is a charm. I think that's how it goes, anyway."

Mr. ANTI: "LMAO BABYCAKES! You said it! You've already main evented a shitload of SPVs. Let the mid-carders elevate themselves for a damn change! I'm a Harbcore champion. I'm the man who BROUGHT the raping gimmick to GX in the first place, and I want my piece of the pie!"

MrPerfectn: "Are we gonna have an actual ending to our three-way match here or what?"

GHarb77: "a fat boys"

Jerry Lawler: "AAAAGHHHH! How the hell are we gonna determine a new number-one contender to the BM's World title?!?!"

WCWSchvnne: "Well, I couldn't possibly decide who deserves to be the number one contender. Can YOU?" ::points to camera::

Vince McMahon: "I would suggest that I can. It's my job, right? HAHAHA! We're parodying the Simpsons! Get it?"

[Fade to black.]

1999. GX. All rights reserved.