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OCTOBER 25, 1999
LIVE FROM WRIGLEY FIELD IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

GHarb77 Interview
Harb: "I'm out here to talk about a certain GXer. And that man's name...is ..well, that's not important. But he's known for..well, that's not important either. Anyway, this guy attacked me like a coward, when the lights went out on Sloptro. Remember? It was like two weeks ago, or so. Anyway, this guy has basically sat at home and collected paychecks, while the rest of us have WORKED OUR ASSES OFF. He occasionally appears in the rafters and makes some symbolic gesture that leads to nothing meaningful. He tries to parody Sting and look like the tortured soul who will save GX from destruction, but he's actually just a lazy slut. So DesDev, you will earn your money. Tonight, you and I will go one on one for MY belt."

Harb kept blabbing about something, as Des descended from the rafters, landing DIRECKALEE behind the West Virginia Rattleharb. Des drove the champion into the mat with a Slop Drop to a mixed reaction. He then pointed at things with a wiffleball bat, and looked creepy. After blinking a few times, he left through the crowd. A guy in the crowd mentioned that Des' character is a lot like that of WCW's Sting. We paid him off with a lifetime supply of eclairs.

Foleyite vs. Rick Parka
For the first time in weeks, Rick actually had a good time at a GX event. He may still be stuck in a peanut costume, but he makes it look good. Soaking in the adoration of his hometown fans, Rick was born again. Then Foleyite showed up and dropkicked him in the face. Many fans didn't even recognize Foley, as he has apparently abandoned his "George Michael circa 1987 look" for blue jeans and a leather jacket. He's obviously trying to look like Triple H. Or maybe Bruce Springsteen. Anyway, Foley hit the hometown hero with the Slop Drop and earned the cheap pinfall win.

Foley: "You know, I've always been a big fan of storylines in pro wrestling where there was a couple in love involved. Savage and Elizabeth... Test and Stephanie... Skip and Sunny... Slick and Butch Reed. But, my little sister and Outkast are now in love. And that makes me absolutely SICK. And I am willing to beat the living HELL out of Outkast for even thinking he deserves to be in the same room as Foleysis. So at Slopvivor Series.."

Vince McMahon: "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, FOLEYITE. You can tangle with Outkast another time. Because at Slopvivor Series, you and AAisWAR will go one on one in a Southern California Suburb Fight."

Foleyite: "That's got to be a joke."

Vince McMahon: "Yes, it is. It doesn't have the same comedic flair as the "Greenwich Street Fight", but it still works."

IceWolf's Canadian Surprise for Womyns champion Miss T0Y
Ice: "Laaaaaaadies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you..a woman who fronts a BAND. Not to be confused with a women who fronts a GROUP. LADIES AND GENTLEFUCKINGMEN, I GIVE YOU ..MISS ALANIS MORRISETTE."

Alanis: "Thank U, Ice. And when I say 'thank you', I mean 'thank you' without the 'y' and the 'o'. We Canadians..we love the letter 'u'. My favorite colour would have to be lavender. I think that's what life is all aboot, you know. Spelling things with an extra 'u', if that's what you're all aboot, you know?"

Dumbass Rock Critic in Crowd: "Wow, she is so deep. Such thoughts haven't been echoed in the music industry since the heyday of Tracy Chapman. Alanis' Beatlesesque melodies and Kate Bush-like songwriting technique lend.."

Cool Guy in Crowd: "Just shut ..the fuck.. up."

Womyns champion Miss T0Y vs. Alanis Morrisette
The All-American T0Y sprinted to the ring and caught the annoying Alanis with an impressive spinkick. The champ snarled at IcefuckingWolf, and then proceeded to suplex the overrated Morrissette three consecutive times.

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Homophobic Screaming Guy: "LETS BEAT GAYS LET'S BEAT GAYS LET'S BEAT GAYS"

Ice motioned to the back and fellow Canadians Tom Green and Scott Thompson (of Kids in the Hall fame) made a very special cameo appearance and raised a Canadian flag high. The flaming Thompson then decided to set the flag ablaze, as he and Green chanted "U-S-A!" along with the crowd, in what will ultimately turn out to be a shocking, nonsensical, and utterly pointless face turn. With Green and Thompson cheering her on, T0Y gave Alanis the Superkick From Hell! and pinned her. One. Two. Three. Despite the loss, a disgruntled Ice promised to bring more Canadian celebrities to GX in the near future. Why Bret why?

Tom Green: "IceWolf, do ya like snowboarding? Snowboarding. Do you like it? We found some footage of you, uh, snowboarding. Let's look at the clip."

Ice: ::blushes:: "OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Tom Green: "Ok, so we didn't."

Scott Thompson: ::grabs Tom's ass as the Kids in the Hall theme plays::

MrPerfectn and Dwight McRigsby Arrive at LAX
Perf: "What in the name of Hare Krishna...that guy only has one leg. I can spare a few bucks."

McRigsby: "Hey man, don't give those guys change. It's a scam. They're not really homeless."

Perf: "Where I come from, at least our bums are legit. Sheesh."

Yuri Has a Special Surprise For His Partner, KaneRobot
WCWSchvnne: "You've gotta fight for your right to party. And Kane's done his share of fighting here in GX. We still don't know why Yuri has this big party going on, though."

Kane: "Yuri, what the hell is the meaning of this?"

Yuri: "dude check it out i got balloons and confetti and everything i even got you a present i'm even wearing my black and red nwo shirt and bret hart sunglasses for the occasion OPEN YOUR PRESENT!!!!!"

Kane: "Sigh. Yuri, I don't think we should be seen together in public anymore. Hey, wait..this present's in the shape of a CD.. you didn't! Yuri, you DO make a decent friend after a.... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, BUB? WHITESNAKE?"

Yuri: "HAHAHAHAHAHAH TES check out tracks 3 and 9 dude and i also have another surprise for u dude do u recognize this voice"

Voice: "Nick I faw down go boooom."

Yuri: "that's right dude i want everyone to give LARRY THE RETARD a hand Kane you remember him dude WTF dont act like u dont know him"

Kane: "Now I'll be in the ring with two retards. Security, don't let that retard anywhere near the ring."

Yuri: "WTF DUDE this cost my dad a lot of damn money and youre being a very ungrateful little man Kane I even got us ZAC AND PROZAC CONNECTION JACKETS"

Kane: "Good for you. Just like Mick Foley and The Rock. Yeah. It wasn't funny when they did it and you're even lamer."

Yuri: "ok ok ok ok maybe this isnt as funny as planned but i still have one more surprise dude "

Voice: "Shh, shh, shh!"

Yuri: "HAHAHAHAH TES ITS your fifth grade teacher please give a warm welcome to kane's 5th grade teacher Mr. Donald Sutherland"

Kane: "Donald Sutherland was never my teacher. He's just a crusty, old actor who hasn't found work in a while. I can't believe you let him take advantage of you, Yuri."

Sutherland: "My boy Kiefer's got some big things lined up. And I'll be guest starring on UPN's 'Shasta McNasty' very soon."

Kane: "Shut up. Yuri, why did you do all this? It's not my birthday. It's not a Hanson member's birthday. What's the deal, bub?"

Yuri: "its nothing its just that youve been like a big brother to me these past few weeks dude"

Suddenly, the team of DOAskull & W46578 ended the much-too-long segment, and chased the Zac-n-Prozac Connection off with Maxwell's silver hammer.

MrPerfectn Buys a One-Way Ticket to Paradise
Perf: "Ok, you don't have any left. Not even stand-by?"

Woman: "Well, we can put you in coach.."

Perf: "That's fine. I need to get there as soon as possible. I have broken ribs, I need to get to Battle Monkey and work some shows for GX. I've put up with nothing but HASSLE in this GODFORSAKEN state, and I'm sick of it."

Woman: "Sir, only pieces of human garbage sit in coach."

Perf: "I can't stand this place. Get me on that plane RIGHT..NOW."

If Jobber Is Pinned, He Loses the Title: Intercontinentally challenged champ Jobber4WCW & Trent Dilfer vs. Reverend G Incognto & God
Dilfer and Jobber were completely dominant in this highly-anticipated tag team war. Dilfer used his football skills to his full advantage, mowing down Incognto with clotheslines and shoulderblocks at every turn. G tried tagging out to God several times, but God refused to tag in.

G: "God DAMMIT."

Religous Nutcase in Crowd: "God doesn't have a last name! Say 'Devil dammit'!"

G: "No. That sounds stupid."

Dilfer tagged out to Jobber, and Jobber took the Reverend down with a drop toehold and dropped an elbow into the small of his back. The champ scored with a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but got only a two-count. G continued to fight on, as God talked to groupies in the front row. After connecting with an insiguiri kick, GX's holy man had the perfect opportunity to make the hot tag. But God once again refused to tag in. A livid G snapped at God, leaving him wide open for a Jobber German suplex. One.Two.THREE.

G: "Why wouldn't you tag in, God?"

God: "My son, one must experience adversity to truly appreciate the beauty of life. Losses build character."

G: "That's some bullshit right there. Next time, just tag in when I need you."

God: "Ok, sheesh."

WCWSchvnne: "I can't help but feel so damn sorry for G. It all began when I imagined G and Mal doing everyday things. It started out as a joke with Harry, but now I always feel bad when he has to do the job. Sigh. Bills, bills, bills. Only KaneRobot will understand how I feel about this, but that's ok."

Harbcore champion Mr. ANTI vs. Inter-Gender champion Andy Kaufman
Before the match, Andy promised to take the Chicago fans out for milk and cookies after the show. Fans booed like mad, and tossed Eskimo pies at Kaufman's thinning hairline. ANTI then promised to take the fans out for beer and pretzels, and then they shouted out with glee "yippee". Andy, upset that his thunder had been stolen, broke a milk bottle over the champion's head and began scratching away at the scar on the side of his face. Steve Case then hit the ring and joined the festivities. The match was ruled a no-contest, and several GX officials were sent out to stop the insanity. The madness didn't stop until the guy that looks like Tom Petty arrived. He can be VERY persuasive. VERY persuasive.

MrPerfectn Boards the Plane and Sets His Sights On Battle Monkey
Perf: "I'm leeeeavin'...on a jet plane..don't know when I'll be back.."

Flight Attendant: "Sir, we don't allow people in coach to sing. Thank you so much!"

Perf: "ARE WE NOT HUMAN? Let me see what's behind that curtain. I can't even SEE the people in first class? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

Fat Guy: "Shut up..... it's bad enough that our in-flight movie is 'Superstar'."

Perf: "'Superstar'? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

WCWSchvnne: "Fans, you can feel the electricity in the air for this one. Fans are buzzing, as we prepare for the biggest match in GX history. This is the thing a GXers' fans dreams are made of. GHarb77. DesDev. Two online entertainment icons. And they're standing in the very same ring, prepared to get it on. We take you to our special ring announcer, the returning Harry Caray."

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "HOLY SHIT HARRY'S BACK"

Chicago Street Tough: "How come you're at all the GX events? How can you afford to fly all over the country, just to see these bastards?"

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "HELL BUDDY YOU LOOK LIKE YOU CAN USE A DRINK"

Harry Caray: "Hey fans! The following contest, scheduled for one-fall is for the Dwight Gooden Winner X WORLD championship. To my right, stands the challenger. He is the longest-reigning Intercontinentally challenged champion in GX history and he is known the world over. He is DESDAVE. And his opponent. Hailing from West Virginia, he is the ONLY man to ever hold the GX World title more than once. He is a former Harbcore champion and King of the Dong, GRABMYSEVENS. Ring the bell,Schvnne!"

WCWSchvnne: "The bell has rung! Unlike other promotions, we will give you this match in its entirety! No run-ins! No..ah, crap."

Jerry Lawler: "BM!!!! AAAAAAGHH!!!!"

Battle Monkey: "You MORONS. Arguing with each other like children..and for what? FOR WHAT? I attacked you when the lights were out, Harb, you stupid son of a bitch. Who does a brother have to boff around here to get a title shot? Apparently EVERYBODY. So that's what I've been doing. And now it is MY time. So why don't you..take your little mime friend there..play rock-paper-scissors..and decide who gets to be beaten and raped by BM TONIGHT."

Vince McMahon: "Heavens to Betsy! Battle Monkey's micwork is now -dare I say it- actually very good!"

Harb began playing rock-paper-scissors when Des stopped him. The mysterious misanthrope then picked up a mic very slow and dramatic-like.

WCWSchvnne: "Des is going to speak!!!!!! For the first time in months, DesDev is going to speak!!!!!!"

Des: "I was just picking up the mic. I'm taking it to the back. The show's ending, so we will need to pack everything up."

BM: "So which is it? Will I rape the Rattleharb? Or do I get to rape the man with the big, black bat?"

Des: "It's not that big!" ::rimshot::

Harb: "Des, I'm sorry about blaming you for all of this. And Battle Monkey, you seriously think you deserve a title shot? Fine. BM. GHarb77. The stage is set for Slopvivor Series 1999. Des, will you appear in my corner at the aforementioned event? Des? Where did he go?"

WCWSchvnne: "DES JUST DISAPPEARED!!!!! WHAT DOES DES MEAN BY NOT HAVING A BIG, BLACK BAT THAT IS NOT THAT BIG?!?!?!?! Is this a sign that he is a Kliq member??!?!?!?! Is he siding with Harb?!?!?!?!"

Jerry Lawler: "Does Des have breasts?"

WCWSchvnne: "No."

Jerry Lawler: "....."

WCWSchvnne: "Sigh. You can say it, anyway."

Jerry Lawler: "HAHA! PUPPIES!! AAAAAGGGHH!!"

[Fade to black.]