Back

OCTOBER 18, 1999
LIVE FROM THE KIEL AUDITORIUM IN ST.LOUIS, MISSOURI

Mean Gene Interviews Yuri
Gene: "OH MY! In a few short minutes, you and KaneRobot will go two on two with The Right One and the Marine from Milwaukee, in YOUR hometown!!! OH YEAH!"

Yuri: "Gene me and Kane have formed a very special bond over the passed few weeks WTF not like we BUTFUCK SICK but like brothers dude but tonite well show the good people in YURI COUNTRY DUDE that the Zac and Prozac Connection doesnt put up with any BS"

KaneRobot: "Would you look at this...... my copy of "Snowed In" is ALL SMUDGED UP. But that's ok. Because tonight, we're gonna kick some ass. And then we're.."

Yuri: "GONNA LISTEN TO SOME HANSON BUB!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH TES"

Kane: "Don't you EVER..do that again."

Yuri: "dude im just trying to be a team playre here becky likes team players and if she sees thatim a team player ill be like hey baby and shell touch my ear with her foot and ill be like WHOOOA WTF"

Kane: "Shh, shh, shh! If you listen closely, they are SINGING THE LYRICS TO "WHERE'S THE LOVE.""

Crowd: "IT'S NOT ENOUGH, IT MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND AND ROUND AND"

Kane: "Hope they ENJOY it."

World tag team champions KaneRobot & Yuri vs. Foleyite & MekZhaoyun
Kane stumbled to the ring in a drunken rage, and immediately turned Mek's world upside down with a stiff lariat. As Kane thrashed The Man from Milwaukee, Foley OUTRAGED fans with the George Michael ass-shake. Yuri took his pills and then tackled The Right One's ass to a monster of an ovation. The hometown boy rolled Fole out of the ring, and put on his Bret Hart sunglasses.

Yuri: "DUDE KANE i kicked Foleyite out of the ring LETS DOUBLE TEAM THAT F'N JAYBRONE MEK FOR MY MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF FANS"

KR obliged and the unlikely duo sent Mek into the ropes. Kane shoved his partner to the ground, and then scored with a powerslam. Before the ref could count to three, The Right One soared into Kane's head with a chair. The chairshot gave the drunken Kane a tremendous headache, and he quickly began looking for some Aspirin.

Mek: "Dude, there are a bunch of pills all over the ring. What the hell is this?"

Yuri: "WTF DUDE I HAVE TO TAKE THEM ARRRRRRRRGH"

Yuri tackled the Kliq member's ass and the two tumbled to the outside. Meanwhile, KR accidentally took some Rohypnol and began going into convulsions.

Kane: "YURI, I told you to LABEL your pills. LABEL YOUR PILLS, BUB. BLARGHHFHGSGSIJG MY STOMACH"

The Right One covered the unconscious Kane seven minutes into the match, as the duo of W46578 & DOAskull helped Mek beat the tar out of Yuri on the outside. ONE. TWO. THUD. Once again, a baseball nailed Foleyite in the crotch at just the right time.

Foleyite, throbbing genitalia and all, left the ring in search of the dastardly AAisWAR. Of course, this gives the tag team championship team of KaneRobot and Yuri a countout win.

Yuri: "DUDE THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE WTF IM TRYING TO DO MY MICWORK AARRRRRGGGHHH THIS IS JUST LIKE BRET HE GOT EMBARRSEAD IN FRONT OF HIS OWN DAMN HOMETOWN ARRRGHHHHH"

Mek, Skull and W4 continued to beat and embarrass Yuri in front of his hometown crowd for several more minutes.

Outkast and Foleysis Share a Root Beer Float
Outkast: "You know..I don't really date very much."

Foleysis: "Nuh uh! I thought you'd like already have a girlfriend."

Outkast: "Well, if you count my Big Bossman wrestling buddy as a girlfriend, yes."

Foleysis: "Hehehehe, you make me laugh, 'Kast!"

Outkast: :)

Kuno Powers, sitting in a tree with an acoustic guitar: "Foleysis...well, there's just something about Foleysis."

Carl: "I think this tree is giving me a rash."

Kuno: "You should rub some Vaseline on it. That always helps me when..uh, yeah. Vaseline."

Harbcore champ Mr. ANTI vs. Rick Parka
Although this was a friendly title match, The ANTI One was not above bringing a baseball bat wrapped in barbedwire to the ring.

Rick: "ANTI? ANTI, is that you? Can you please help me get this peanut costume off? Please?"

ANTI: "LMAO! Hold still, babycakes!"

After imitating Brian Downing's batting stance, ANTI walloped Rick in the side of the head with the bat three times.

Rick: "It's not coming off. Now it's just dented, giving me less room to BREATHE. SHRGSURHGSRUHGFG"

Within a nanosecond, Parka collapsed. Entertaining the fans like only he can, ANTI stripped down to his birthday suit and hit Parka with a nude frog splash for the three-count. ANTI gladly did the Ass-Tapping Porn Dance for his ANTI-ites, but was attacked by Steve Case and his wife.

Case: "You want to play a game of humiliation? NO ONE beats me in a game of humiliation. Just ask your peanut-headed friend there. Do your dirty work, honey."

Case's wife circumcised ANTI with a blowtorch, as fans watched on in horror.

ANTI: "LMAO! I'm already circumcised. And ANTIWife's done much crazier shit than this, babycakes!"

Case: "DAMMIT, he's humility-proof!"

Parka and ANTI were taken to a local hospital after the match. The doctors said Rick was fine, except for the fact that he has a giant peanut for a head. ANTI stayed overnight and had a little too much fun with his gown and the bedpans. He is ok.

IceWolfX69 Interview
Steve Case brought Ice (who has gained 13 pounds, since we last saw her) to the ring in a wheelchair, but hurried back to his dressing room, at Ice's request.

Ice: "Yanno, I'd like to call out Miiiiiss Toy. Come on out here, T0Y. I'm stuck to my wheelchair. Caaaaase is backstage. I won't do anyyyyyything."

T0Y, wearing a three-piece suit (?), came out and looked at Ice with contempt for about forty minutes, while Ice talked about what's wrong with GX.

Ice: "Yanno, you make me sick, paaaal. This whole country makes me sick. Back in Canada, we still have the courage to spell colour with a 'u' and cheer for guys whose heat dried up yeeeeeears ago. We don't...kill each other. We have the guts to kill OURSELVES by falling 80 feet during wrestling events. Toy...you're a real piece of work..associating yourself with a guy who shakes his ass.. and MAKES himself a horse's ass. Associating yourself with a guy who who likes to be in the Marines to kill PEEEOPLE just like O.J. SIMPSON. Surrounding yourself with a tag team who think the Beatles and the Monkees have more talent than KIIIIID ROCK. YOOOOU..YOOOOOU..YOOOOOOU'D like to hit me..but ..YOOOOOU CAN'T COMPILE THE INSIDES."

T0Y superkicked Ice, and the wheelchair wobbled for about a second.

WCWSchvnne: "Oh, those Canadians are so smug. Uh oh, something's happening in the back. Do we have a camera back there? We don't? Ok, I guess we'll just GUESS what angle we're supposed to put over up here then."

Jerry Lawler: "Schvnne, calm down. We have a camera back there. Oh my..oh my god."

::A bloodied Merogal13 is put on a gurney backstage::

Vince McMahon: "Raping and beating guys was one thing, Battle Monkey. BUT BEATING UP A WOMAN IS INSANE. THIS HAS GONE TOO DAMN FAR. YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL, BATTLE MONKEY."

BM: "Vince, just listening to VERY LOUD rap music isn't fun anymore. I want a World title shot. And I'll do what I have to do to get it."

Vince: "Well, at least your micwork has improved."

Reverend G Incognto & God Interview
Woman in Crowd: "God, please let little Ruteger overcome lung cancer."

God: "Ma'am, PLEASE. I am BUSY."

G: "Jobber4WCW and Trent Dilfer have screwed me out of the Intercontinentally challenged title once again. So I'm making a challenge. Next week, God and I..the holiest duo in GX history... will take you two on. And whoever pins Jobber gets the belt. Get it?"

As the Reverend's sermon continued, a man with a unique voice in the crowd rudely interrupted. Why would a guy in our crowd have a mic? Nevermind that question. Damn kayfabe.

Man With Unique Voice: "Holiest duo in GX history? Up until now, that is. I present to you, THE JESUS TWINS."

A pair of annoying white guys in Backstreet Boy-I-Want-it-That-Way-like attire danced around in the crowd to some funkadelic music, as G and God pointed and laughed.

Crowd: "HO-LY SHIT. HO-LY SHIT."

God: "I love Stern as much as the next guy, but the Jesus Twins suck."

Reverend G Incognto & God vs. The Jesus Twins
God flew at the Twins with a tope, and GX's holy man followed him with a somersault plancha. G rolled Twin #1 back into the ring and put him away with the Salinas Pepper submission.

Mae Young Slowly Walks Towards a Coffin, As a Hologram of Pete Lothario Appears Beside Her
Pete: "Here lies Pete Lothario. A great cham.. uh, a guy who got an 'A' for effort in trying to get over with the fans of GX. A friend of Shawn Michaels. A son of Jose Lothario."

Young: ::begins crawling into the coffin::

Pete: "Mae, you're ruining the bit!"

Mae: "The reaper is calling my name."

Pete: "Rest in peace, Pete Lothario. May you forever rest.. in.. peace."

Mae: ::crawls in coffin:: "Take me, lord. Take me."

Pete: "Mae, stop it."

[Fade out.]

Suddenly, a spectacular light show takes place inside the GX Arena and Pete Lothario emerges a new man.

Pete: "Pete Lothario is DEAD. From now on, I will be referred to as The Complete Tool."

Crowd, WCWSchvnne, Jerry Lawler: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA"

Pete: "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? I'm the COMPLETE TOOL NOW. I have all the TOOLS to get the job done in the RING! FORGET IT! I DON'T NEED TO GET OVER! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY! I DON'T NEED ANYBODY!"

MrPerfectn DANCING IN THE STREETS
Perf: "Excuse me, sir. Do you know how to get to Rod Carew's garage from here? I'm an East Coast man, and I am as lost as can be."

Sir: "Aren't you MrPerfectn of GX fame?"

Perf: "Yes. I'd sign an autograph, but my ribs are broken and I'd really just like to get back to the garage and find Battle Monkey."

Sir: "Hell, GX finished up their West Coast tour and are touring the Midwest now. You've got a plane to catch. Hop on in, buddy. The name's McRigsby. Dwight McRigsby."

Perf: "Deja vu.."

Dwight: "I'll give you a ride to LAX."

Perf: "LAX???"

Randy Newman: "I LOVE L.A."

Crowd: "WE LOVE IT."

["I Love L.A" continues to play, as footage of Perf in the City of Angels is shown. A pair of women with fake breasts walk by, and Perf shudders. Anthony Kiedis asks him if he wants to score some smack, and Perf simply walks away shaking his head. A man wearing a Mighty Ducks hat is caught on camera, and Perf points and laughs at the absurdity of a team named "The Mighty Ducks". Perf is then almost killed in a Compton drive-by.]

Perf: "Californy is the place we oughta be The Perf's ass."

World champion GHarb77 vs. AAisWAR
AA entered first, and demanded that Earth Crisis be featured at a future GX event. Yeah, I don't think we'll be doin' that.

::glass breaks::

::Wilt Chamberlain dies::

The West Virginia Rattleharb went insane on his foe, leveling him with clotheslines and closed fists. The champ then slammed AA in the middle of the ring, and in an uncharacteristic move, took to the top rope. Before he had a chance to do anything, AA slammed Harb to the mat. AA kicked away at Harb's neck and got the first near-fall of the match, after a snap suplex. The Neck Cyberer then tried in vain to piledrive Harb, and was backdropped. Harb then..what the..

Over the PA: "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW"

A pair of cages began to lower from the rafters and strobe lights dominated the atmosphere, as AA looked on in disbelief. Inside the cages stood a pair of nubian mandingo warriors; naked and ready to back dat thang up.

AA: "SICK."

A third cage appeared at the top of the entrance ramp, and the Neck Cyberer looked up to see Foleyite shaking his ass George Michael-style.

Foley: "AA, I'm gonna make you sweat 'til you BLEED."

AA: "SICK."

Distracted by the homoerotica that encompassed the arena, AA was the recipient of a Slop Cold Stunner and ultimately pinned by the Rattleharb. After disposing of yet another challenger, Harb grabbed two turn tables and a microphone.

Harb: "Des, I don't know what your deal is. It seems fairly obvious to me that you're the one that kicked my ass, while the lights were out last week. All you do is sit at home, collect paychecks and occasionally sit in the rafters. So tonight, you're gonna EARN your money. GET OUT HERE, DES."

Creepy music started playing, and the mysterious DesDev appeared at the top of the entrance ramp with Harb's ex-flame Karla. Des pointed a bat towards the ring, and Karla ran into Harb's arms.

Harb: "OH, I GET IT NOW. Foleyite brainwashed Karla, but you saved her and un-brainwashed her and brought her back to me. Right? Des? Dude, you need to speak. SAY SOMETHING. THE FANS WANT TO HEAR YOU SPEAK, DAMMIT. ANYTHING. SAY A FAT BOYS. ANYTHING. COME ON."

[Fade to black.]