OCTOBER 4, 1999
Live from Wayne Newton's Hotel Room In Las Vegas, Nevada
AAisWAR Interview
AA: "For six long months, I boycotted GX. But I saw all the Sloptro
results, as I was kickin' back at home, brother. And I didn't like it one
bit, dude. At one time, my best friend and I ruled this joint. And speaking
of joints, my best friend is trying to persuade an adult to sell him one,
as we speak. That's what you've driven him to, Foleyite. I hope you realize
that. Hell, he shaved off his eyebrows just to score some smack last week.
That's how bad it's gotten. And Foley isn't the only one. Harb, you're almost
as bad. You're a damn hypocrite."
WCWSchvnne: "I don't get it. Is AA a 'tweener', a 'cool heel' or a face?"
Harry Caray: "He's one of them damn Indians."
AA: "I'm not gonna wait one more night. I want Foleyite TONIGHT. And I want that number-one contendership on the line. I'll get revenge for what Foley did to this un-named good friend of mine. Then I will get a shot at the World title in MY own backyard, at Gettysburg Havoc. Then I'll win the World title from the guy whom I won it from 9 months ago."
WCWSchvnne: "Damn, all these storylines tie together really well."
Outkast & Kuno Powers Play WWF Attitude Backstage
Kuno: "You always get to be Road Dogg, Kast."
Outkast: "Oh you didn't know? Hehe."
Foleysis just happens to walk by the dynamic duo, causing Outkast to drop his power pak direckalee onto his crotch.
Foleysis: "Hi Outkast. Good luck against BAHU on Sunday!"
Outkast: "I thought Foleyite wouldn't let you hang out backstage anymore. Wannagooutsometime?"
Foleysis: "Nuh uh, he gave me a job as Mek's publicist. And I'd go out with you, but I already have plans with Popular Kid in Crowd."
Kuno: "ANYBODY but HIM. I HATE that guy."
Outkast: "ROBOT HOUUUSE!" ::contains anger by balling up his fists::
Harbcore champ Mr. ANTI SHOOTS
ANTI grabbed the mic and shared some of his views on the world today. At
first, his hometown crowd went WILD for this lovable superstar. After his
shoot, many fans applauded and agreed.Some disagreed and booed. Many may
not have shared the ANTI One's sentiments, but they behaved. Except for
Homophobic Screaming Guy. He got a little too worked up over the whole deal,
and began pummeling a guy in a pink Bret Hart shirt with a corn dog. Now
that's just uncalled for. We don't believe in "good guys" and
"bad guys", so if you don't like it - cry about it. After sharing
his worldviews, AOL's Most Lovable Man bashed the World tag champs and dropped
a copy of the Beatles' "White Album" on the canvas:
ANTI: "John Lennon....Paul McCartney...the real George Harrison...Bongo Star... ::points to the ceiling:: All those old musicians can KISS MY ASS, BABYCAKES. I'm not a guy who's gonna listen to an album from a band that died - R.I.P- 30 years ago."
Crowd: "PAUL IS DEAD! PAUL IS DEAD! PAUL IS DEAD! PAUL IS DEAD!"
ANTI: "Tonight, let the new era begin! The era of Hanson! Hit the music, babycakes!"
The GX faithful bopped their heads to "MMMBop", as KaneRobot and Yuri made their way to the ring, to do the Ickey Shuffle with the ANTI One.
Backstage, W46578, DOAskull & MekZhaoyun were seen rolling doobies and listening to "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."
WCWSchvnne: "They'll have plenty of time to roll doobies when they're LIVIN' IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.. courtesy of the Demolition-like trio of Kane,Yuri and ANTI."
Harbcore champ Mr. ANTI vs. MekZhaoyun
The match was ruled a no-contest after five seconds, as KaneRobot, Yuri,
W46578 and DOAskull interfered before anything entertaining happened.
Reverend G Incognto Meets With Vince McMahon Backstage
G: "Maybe Bret Hart was right. You really do screw people. Vince, I
want you to level with me. What do I ahve to do to get another title shot?"
Vince: "Mr. Incognto, I would suggest that if you defeat a main event-caliber opponent tonight, you will indeed face Jobber at Gettysburg Havoc in a rematch."
G: "Who is this main event-caliber opponent?"
Vince: "ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH."
G: "You're a 54 year-old man. Hell, this is almost too easy."
Vince: "Then it's set. You'll have to face me tonight. Hey, do you like Filter? Gerry Brisco and I have an extra ticket..and Pat's busy.."
G: ::slowly backs out of room::
IceWolfX69 & Steve Case Pace Up and Down the Hallways Thinking
of a New Way to Humiliate Rick Parka
Ice: "We need a really fucking edgy idea to humiliate that dipshitto,
Steve-O."
Case: "I'm all out of ideas, though. Damn."
As Case and Ice continue to pace up and down the hallway, they happen to see the Kliq's door slightly ajar, and can't help but overhear the conversation.
Mek: "Damn T0Y, that IS embarrassing."
T0Y Brother #4: "I MEMBA DAT SIS HEY GUYS ONE TIME I WAS LISTENIN TO SOME BIGGIE AND SOME DUDE SAID MAN BIGGIES DEAD SO I SLAPPED THE TASTE OUT HIS MOUTH CUZ MY GATS GOT TO FIT"
Foley: "O.........k. Oh, I've got one. At my last job, they wanted to me to wear a peanut costume for the grand opening of the new store."
Case: ::whispering:: "Icy, I think we've got our stipulation.."
Ice: "YANNO THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, but Tooooooy's brothers shouldn't be allowed to use that kind of language on Sloptro."
Case: "Shh! They heard us!"
T0Y: "Excuse me? My brother has the right to say whatever the fuck he wants to say. Now why don't you two stop spying on us, and just get yourselves a god damn life?"
Mek: "Uh T0Y, we're supposed to be heels. Ice and Case are also heels."
DOAskull: ::shaking head::
For a Shot at the Intercontinentally challenged
title at Gettysburg Havoc: Reverend G Incognto vs. Vince McMahon
Vince: "G, now you could face me in a match tonight. Or you can come
with me and Gerry to the Filter concert. What's it gonna be?"
G: "I don't even know who Filter is."
McMahon, sporting a bright blue blazer with the old WWF logo on it, slapped the Reverend and then gave us that patented McMahon "angry face". G gave us that patented Incognto "solemn face", and lifted a knee into Vince's gut. G then dropped McMahon on his broken tailbone with his own version of the Running Jobber Bomb. For good measure, G slapped on the Salinas Pepper. The WWF/GX CEO tapped out within three seconds.
WCWSchvnne: "G heads to Gettysburg Havoc for another shot at Jobbers' Intercontinentally challenged title! Meanwhile, Vince will head to the Filter concert with Gerald Brisco!"
Harry Caray: "Do you like Filter, Schvnne? How about Limp Bizkit? Or Powerman 2000? HAHAHAHA."
WCWSchvnne: "What's so funny about naming these bands?
You're as old, if not older, than I am."
Gettysburg Havoc Report
WCWSchvnne: "What else is there to say, fans? We're within a week of
what looks to be the biggest show in GX history, since tonight's Sloptro.
Outkast attempts to break free, in a "Winner-Gets-Emancipated Match"
against BAHUMUTH. That's a first, fans. Rick Parka and Steve Case will do
battle in a "Loser-Wears-Peanut-Costume Match". This is a first
in online entertainment, fans. Miss T0Y defends the Womyns title against
the Cancer-Ridden Corpse of Andy Kaufman. Yet another first, fans. You don't
see firsts like this in other promotions."
Harry Caray: "Don't forget that G Incognto gets ANOTHER shot at Jobber's Intercontinentally challenged gold, Schvnne. And Yuri and ANTI attempt to take the tag belts from the duo of W4 & Skull. And hopefully, MrPerfectn puts an end to that damn monkey's raping and beatings. It's out of control. It's like a damn alien invasion. Hey Schvnne! Pass me some Surge. I wanna see if it tastes good with a little Tequiza."
WCWSchvnne: "Wow, Harry. You're actually helping to promote the show. I'm proud of you, Harry. But you forgot to mention the grudge match between MekZhaoyun and KaneRobot, buddy. Don't, what is Battle Monkey doing out here?"
BM: "'That damn monkey'? 'Out of control'? Fuck you, old man. This isn't Chicago. Now excuse me if I don't have witty catch phrases to say, but I'm about to beat and rape your foamy-mouthed friend here, Schvnne."
BM slapped Caray's headset into the second row, and dragged him to the ring, where Caray was powerbombed through a table. BM then yanked the voice of the Cubs' pants off, and proceeded to rape him with a damn alien.
WCWSchvnne: "Harry had finally come into his own as a color commentator, and this had to happen. Harry's a huge Perfectn mark. He was just speaking his damn mind. Maybe if I could have been a bit more supportive of Harry..not been so hard on him.. I don't know. Sigh. Well, it's all water under the bridge now. Battle Monkey, I hope you rot in hell. Harry...let's just say there'll be a damn alien in my prayers tonight."
MrPerfectn Gives Harry Caray One Last Drop of Vodka Before
He's Taken Away in an Ambulance
Gene Okerlund: "MrPerfectn! You've seen what Battle Monkey has done!
OH MY!"
Perf: "I'm helping a friend into an ambulance. Now is not the time to cut promos."
Gene: "Oh, PLEASE! SPEAK ENGLISH! OH YEAH!"
Perf: "This is my fault. This is all my fault."
Robin Williams: ::puts on clown nose and tries to cheer Harry Caray up::
Perf: "Robin, please."
#1 Contendership Match: Foleyite
vs. AAisWAR
It's the match people have wanted to see since March. A battle of two men
known for their West Coast roots. Two men known for homoerotic gimmicks.
Two men..well, you get the general idea. Foley, sporting red leather pants
and a "Footloose" bandana, entered first. AA soon followed, and
recieved a mixed reaction.
::glass breaks::
::Homophobic Screaming Guy dumps superfluous nacho cheese in a guy wearing a sailor suit's hair::
WCWSchvnne: "The Rattleharb! GHarb77! Maybe I'll have a companion in the booth, after all!"
Harb: "Hell, I figure we need ourselves a replacement color commentator. And since it's trendy, I might as well be a special referee for this thing here. Ring the bell."
Foley and AA struck each other with hard right hands, with AA coming out on top of the brawl. Harb slid into the ring and yelled that he was missing "Quantum Leap". AA whipped Foley into the corner and scored with a powerslam. AA made a lateral press, but Harb was too busy complaining about Scott Bakula to make the count.
AA: "Dude, I'm boycotting you, Harb."
Harb outraged the former "Neck Cyberer" by giving him the finger. Foleyite took the opportunity to roll AA up from behind for the pin.
Harb: "ONE. TWO. HEY FOLEY, YOUR OUTFIT CLASHES."
Foley: "It DOES?!?!" ::checks outfit::
Homophobic Screaming Guy: "HAHAHAHAAHHA ONLY FAGS CARE ABOUT FASHION"
Foley threw a right at Harb, but West Virginia's own blocked it, and sent Foley to the outside with a right hand of his own. AA dragged the Right One to the top of the entrance ramp, and pointed to a table below. AA set the egomaniacal Kliq member up for the ol' Patented Poopdick Piledriver, but Foley backdropped out of it and walked direckalee into a Slop Cold Stunner. AA was given a Slop Cold Stunner, as he recovered. Harb ran to the back to catch the end of "Quantum Leap", as Vince McMahon power-walked to ringside and whispered into the ring announcer's ear, ever so sweetly.
Ring Annoucer: "Vince has told me that since no winner was determined here tonight, that there will be a three-way dance for the World title at Gettysburg Havoc between AAisWAR, Foleyite and GHarb77. Also, if anyone likes Filter? Vince has an extra ticket, and Pat Patterson is VERY busy."
WCWSchvnne: "WOW! A three-way main event for Gettysburg Havoc! Isn't that gonna be great, Harry? Harry? Oh yeah."
Eric Carmen's "All By Myself" plays, as Schvnne buries his face in his hands.
[Fade to black.]