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September 27, 1999
Live from VADER'S MALL

Backstage Interview with Reverend G Incognto
Mean Gene: "G, you've come so close to winning a major title on many occasions. Tonight, you get another shot at Jobber's Intercontinentally challenged title. OH YEAH!"

G: "Gene, tonight's the night. Gonna be alright. Tonight's the night."

Gene: "OH MY! I've just received word that Jobber has missed his flight. Jobber won't be here tonight! OH YEAH!"

G: "But we were at Vader's mall last night, and we're at Vader's mall tonight.."

Gene: "Well, he has obviously flown somewhere and missed a flight coming back!"

G: "Sigh. Calm, blue ocean. Calm, blue ocean."

Not-So-New EDGY AND HIP Intro

Battle Monkey vs."Anal Delivery" Carl Hafer
As per usual, poor ol' Anal had trouble taking off his pants before getting into the ring. Fortunately, Battle Monkey had no problem helping Carl solve that problem. After tearing away at Carl's hand-crafted outfit, BM chokeslammed the youngster and finished him off with the patented BM Bomb. An easy squash win for BM, as we head to Gettysburg Havoc.

Carl: "Where's BAHU when I need him?"

Homophobic Screaming Guy: "SMOKING CRACK YOU COCKSMOKER"

BM: "MrPerfectn, I don't want your title. You do not currently possess a title, but if you did, I would not want it. But I do want YOUR ASS. McMahon, you the ..uh, matchmaker? Make me a match. VERY LOUDLY. Enough said."

Homophobic Screaming Guy: "PLEASE STOP IT I CAN STANDS NO MORE"

Carl: "Hey, at least you didn't have to see me get raped by BM. Uh oh."

BM then raped Carl's left ear for 30 minutes, to the dismay of Homophobic Screaming Guy.

Outkast & Kuno Powers Confront Vince McMahon In a Broom Closet
Outkast: "Look at that, Vince. BAHU just fed Carl to the wolves. Well, the monkey. I've seen enough TV movies to know that what BAHU has been doing to me and others like me is wrong. I saw one on Lifetime with Tracey Gold. It changed my life."

Kuno: "I liked that one with Tiffani Amber-Thiessen."

Outkast: "Oh yeah. With Erik Estrada as her dad or something like that?"

Kuno: "CHiPS ruled. I have boots like Ponch."

Outkast: "Whoa."

Vince: "Alright, I get the point. And I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in this or any company. Hell, I killed Flash Funk's push because he smacked his bitch up and liked crack. We can do the same to BAHU."

Outkast: "Smacked his bitch up? I don't think that's very P.C., Vince."

Vince: "Fuckin' A, Outkast. This is the nineties and this is what the fucking people of 1999 are entertained by. If you don't like it, change the fucking channel. Shit. Well, there is no way I'm canceling the 'winner-gets-emancipated match' for Gettysburg Havoc. But I would suggest that you will never be abused by BAHU on Sloptro ever again."

Harbcore champ Mr. ANTI, KaneRobot and Yuri Prepare For GX's West Coast Tour
ANTI: "The first stop is Vegas. That's ANTI Country, babycakes! I'll have to give you guys a tour."

Yuri: "I HERD THERE ARE LIKE STRIPPERS WALKING AROUND ALL OVER VEGAS DUDE THEY HAVE A WHOLE STREET FOR STRIPPERS"

Kane: "I think he means 'the strip'. Yuri, will you ever learn?"

ANTI: "HAHAHA! Yuri, when we get to Vegas, we're gonna make you a man, babycakes!"

Yuri: "WTF WERE NOT GONNA BUTFUCK ARE WE SICK"

Kane: "No. But we'll find a hooker with a heart of gold."

ANTI: "Or a chicken! LMAO!"

Kane: "Yes, or a chi..NO. No chickens."

Yuri: "thanks man I didn't know you cared taht much about my first time"

Kane: "I have a heart now. Thanks to you. Now I realize that I hurt so much...INSIDE."

Yuri: "dude i know this week i went over to ryans house and we were lik playing clue and then becky slapped my foot with her nosehair and iwas like whoa baby and i said i got turnedon and she laughed but then she went with this putz"

Kane: "Shut up. If you're gonna hang out with us, you need to drop that crap."

Yuri: "WTF YOURE BREAKING KAYFAYBE DUDE AAAAAARGGGHHH"

Foleyite Cuts a Promo For the Main Event- How Convenient
Foleyite: "Vince, you want to mix things up and have me put my number-one contendership on the line against T0Y and Yuri? It really don't make a damn. I like hot dogs. Foleyite is right. Did I leave out any of my catch phrases? Oh yeah. Come hell or high water, I will be the GX World champion because I AM THE GAME. Come hell or high water, I will win the World title in my own backyard. Because the West Coast fans of GX NEED Foleyite as their champ. The West Coast fans of GX WANT Foleyite as their champ. Plus, the George Michael ass-shake would be a lot cooler with a gold belt involved. I have a shirt that would TOTALLY match. And I got these little golden socks at Marshall's? Oh, they're to DIE FOR. The guy said they were 'mustard yellow', but I think it's more of a marigold. Uh oh."

Fireworks lit up the GX Arena, as video footage of city streets began to play on the GodwinnTron.

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "HEY HOMOPHOBE SCREECH MAN I BOUGHT YOU A BEER TOO BUDD..BLARGHHAAHHHH ::spills beer all over HSG:: FIREWORKS DAMN NEAR BLEW ME OUTTA MAH BOOTS BUDDY WHOOOO"

Foleyite: "Hey, I think I know that street."

WCWSchvnne: "Is that Bruce Dickinson posing at the top of the ramp? Hey, I see GLAM pose - I think Dickinson. OH MY GOD."

AA: "Welcome to...Sloptro...is...AA...is ... WAR. Whew. And as much as I hate to say it, Foleyite is right. The West Coast fans of GX deserve someone to represent them. But the West Coast fans of GX don't want to kick it with some guy who shakes his ass and jerks off in bathrooms."

Foley: "That's a RUMOR."

AA: "Sick. Everybody knows that I never lost the GX World title. I handed it over, when YOUR faggot ass started booking. Well, it's time for me to take back what is mine. It's time for me to take back the GX World title. I'm takin' it all back. [Courtesy: The Goonies] And it's time that somebody knocked YOUR ASS out of GX.. for good."

Foley: "This is my show.."

MekZhaoyun (defending Jobber4WCW's Intercontinentally challenged title) vs. Reverend G Incognto
WCWSchvnne:" Fans, we've got a confusing situation here. Apparently, Jobber flew to the West Coast a week early. G was promised a shot at Jobber's title tonight, though. And that's what he will receive. Vince McMahon has informed us that Mek will be defending the title for him tonight. Vince also told us to say the following: Fuck Ted Turner's lithi...I can't read this. Lines have to be drawn somewhere."

Mek and G threw the rulebook out the window in this one. After five solid minutes of hardcore action.. and I MEAN wrestling, Mek was able to reverse an Irish whip and hit G with a flying forearm. Mek attempted a powerbomb, only to be pinned with a sunset flip. One. Two. I don't think so. G took firm control of the match with a dropkick and a pair of clotheslines. With 6:15 gone, Mek escaped a slam and set G up for the dreaded Transformer. G blocked the attempt and rolled Mek up for a two-count. A title changes hands here, so all this play-by-play is necessary, dammit. The frustrated G tossed Mek to the outside, as Jobber4WCW began making his way to the ring. He's sick of the West Coast already, I take it. Wearing "street clothes" (which I assume is another term for that FUBU stuff), Jobber took to the top turnbuckle and flew at G. G caught the Kliq member with a dropkick on the way down, and followed up with a side suplex. G slapped the Salinas Pepper on Jobber, and got the submission win in under eight minutes.

WCWSchvnne: "G's done it! He's finally won a title here in GX! I haven't been this happy since Wham broke up! HOLD THAT BELT HIGH, G! GOD DAMMIT, YOU'VE EARNED IT."

Vince McMahon: "Uh, not really. Mek was defending the title tonight. NOT Jobber. Therefore, God-boy here hasn't won a damn thing."

G: "OH MY GOD."

God: "Yes, my son?"

G: "If you're on my side, why am I constantly being screwed?"

God: "Hey, I was a big Hendrix fan, too. Shit happens."

BAHU/Outkast Promo
BAHU: "I just want to become a real promoter, so I can bring some integrity back to this business. It's stupid for groups to fight. That's what I'd like.. to bring some integrity back to this business."

::Beep:: "Hey Outkast. This is BAHU. Go ahead and sign with those fucking idiots GX, you son of a bitch. I've informed the ACLU boards of your little stunt, and they are gonna shut your ass down. Have a good one, buddy."

Outkast: "What else can happen to ol' Kast today. Sigh."

For the #1 Contendership to the World Title: Foleyite vs. Womyns champion Miss T0Y vs. Yuri
What do you get when you cross a manic depressive Taz fan, an ass-shaking megalomaniac and an inanimate object? I don't know. That's why I was asking you. As soon as the bell rang, the Kliq's Foley & T0Y backed Yuri into a corner. As Foley leaned back to take a swing at Yuri, T0Y lifted a forearm into Foley's crotch and stomped away at the self-proclaimed "game". T0Y and Yuri formed a brief union and double-clotheslined The Right One, but the Inanimate One quickly turned on the "Heartbreak Kid of AOL" and sent him to the outside with a Superkick From Hell! Instead of doing something more constructive with her time, T0Y filed her nails, as Foley recovered. "The Game" spun T0Y around, but just held his right hand in the air for a minute.

Harry Caray: "I think Foleyite's moving in slow-motion, Schvnne. Pass me my Junior Mints."

WCWSchvnne: "I think it's that he doesn't want to hit a woman. Or he refuses to hit a fellow Kliq member. Or he's just torn something. Or he's posing for that photographer from The Advocate, who's at ringside."

Foley: "I can't hit you, T0Y."

T0Y: "Aww, Mr. Foleyite. Because I'm a woman? Or because we're friends?"

Foley: "Eww, neither. You still owe me five bucks."

T0Y slapped The Right One and then attempted her own version of the Slop Drop. As she tried to figure out how to execute the manuever properly, Foley countered with his own version of the Slop Cold Stunner.

WCWSchvnne: "He's sending a message to the World champion! The message is that he has a crush on him. Haha. Foleyite = HOMO."

Although Foley had knocked the Inanimate One out, the referee refused to make the count. I applaud the ref's decision. It's wrong to condone beating up women. [Paid for by the estate of Nicole Brown.] As Foley surveyed the situation, he realized that maybe things had gotten out of hand and began helping T0Y to her feet. As he did so, GHarb77 flew into the ring and knocked The Right One out with a chair. T0Y fell on top of her Kliq compadre, and the ref gladly made the count. One. Two. Three.

WCWSchvnne: "Oh my god. T0Y is the number-one contender to Harb's World title! Well, for a while, anyway."

Harry Caray: "There's something that's been ony mind, Schvnne. The real question is.."

WCWSchvnne: "Yes! You're finally catching on, Harry! We've got to ask ourselves if T0Y will still be number-one contender at Gettysburg Havoc!"

Harry Caray: "Well, ok. But is Foleyite gay?"

WCWSchvnne: "Uh....."

Outkast Cooks Some Delicious Ribs
Outkast: "I don't have any regrets. Not many people get to say they've worked for GX in some capacity. Plus, I'm about to enjoy some delicious ribs. That cushions the blow. You're all welcome to stay. Kuno's bringing chitlins."

BAHUMUTH Drinks Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid At Home
GX Cameraman: "What are you gonna do now? Vince says you won't be able to abuse Outkast on Sloptro anymore."

BAHU: "I still want to promote some shows."

GX Cameraman: "But you just went to promoting school and dropped out after a week, you insipid little crackbaby."

BAHU: "I can still feel it in my heart. The crack, I mean."

Reverend G Incognto & Malaki100 Backstage
G: "I may not be the champion. I may not ever be a champion. But it doesn't matter."

Mal: "Yes. There's an innate sense that this is what we're meant to do."

G: "Let's go, Mal. I want to sort out my '86 DonRuss commons tonight."

[Fade to black.]