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GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
08/23/99
[Disclaimer: Not unlike GX: - Two Words: Me and Sting, this is purely for entertainment value only. Shill schmill. Just read the damn thing already. ::Randy Savage voice:: SLOPTRO. DO THE THING. IF YA GOT
THE GUTS.]

A Special Pre-Recorded Announcement From Foleyite
Foleyite: "Hi. I'm Foleyite. And as many of you know, I've been booking for GX for quite some time now. And quite frankly, I think you're tired of having your dead people insulted! I also think you're sick of the same tired old formula of "GXers vs. Non-GXers". Surely, the era of Michael Cole marks is most definitely passe. That's why we here at Godwinneration X promise to bring you a new era in online entertainment. And we hope the new GX attitude will entertain you in a way you've never been entertained before. We HOPE. We're not promising anything. So if things start to suck, well, that's too damn bad."

The debuting Steve Case (With SweetLdyCt) vs. Outkast
The suddenly aggressive Outkast surprised fans by taking control of the match early, and setting up Case for a shooting star press he has dubbed "The Kasting Couch". Unfortunately, Outkast landed groin-first on the top turnbuckle. Case grabbed 'Kast by the neck, and drove him to the mat with a devastating version of the Dimaond Cutter. The nubile Case then hopped to the top rope and hit 'Kast with a kick to the face for the three-count. WCWSchvnne claimed that Case has dubbed this move the "Onliner". Sweet handed him some red gloves, and Case typed away on a keyboard as a generic James Brown rip-off played over the PA. Kuno Powers was seen in the crowd, taking notes. Either that or writing up his shopping list. Or writing a "Do you like me? Check yes or no" note to Drunk Guy in Crowd.

Backstage, an infuriated Hovis threw his 50 pounds of gold chains into a mirror and vowed to rid AOL of Sweet and Steve Case. Then Hovis ate some cake. LOTS of cake.

Backstage - BAHUMUTH Rolls Up a 5 Dollar Bill And Inserts It Into His Left Nostril, As JimmyXite Spraypaints "ALLWORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JIMMY A DULL BOY" Repeatedly All Over The Dressing Room
BAHU: "Who needs the GX World title? You know, at certain times in your life you feel alone. And crack is just like an old friend. It's like having my best friend back."

Jimmy: "BAHU, I've been seeing things, man. Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not COMING FOR YOU."

BAHU: "Are you still freaked out over having to eat ANTI's feces at SummerSlop?"

Jimmy: "I AM FINE. The lizards told me that what goes around comes around, brother."

BAHU: "WhatevBLARGHHHAGHAHH. This shit's DESTROYING MY NOSE. JIMMY GET ME SOME TISSUES OR SOME Q-TIPS OR SOMETHING!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!!!! MAKE IT STOP, JIMMY!!!! MAKE THE BAD MAN STOP!!!!!!!! GOD, IT BURNS!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!"

Jimmy: "Don't you GET IT? WE'RE ALL GOING TO BURN BROTHER."

W46578 (With DOAskull) vs. The returning Rick Parka
A teary-eyed Parka thanked the fans for supporting him after being away for so long. Tears were streaming down Mark Henry's face. Why Mark Henry would be seen at a GX event is beyond me. Clearly, it was the most emotional moment in the history of this great sport. As the fans gave the respectful Rick a standing ovation, a picture of a giant ass hit the GodwinnTron as members of the GX Kliq made their way to the ring.

Skull: "This is Rick Parka's ass on eggrolls. Any questions? Back in my hometown, we'd poke a stick through your fatass and roast you over a fire, brah."

With the fans on his side, Rick left the ring and clotheslined the hell out of Skull. Skull was whipped into the barricades several times before W46578, Jobber4WCW, The Princes of the Universe and Foleyite viciously attacked the feisty Mexican. KaneRobot held Rick back, as Foley OUTRAGED fans with his George Michael-style ass-shake. After the Kliq continued to beat on Parka some more, MekZhaoyun held his face up to Jobber's ass.

Jobber: "Now you know YOUR rolls, BITCH."

MrPerfectn Interview
Perf: "Now I've been watching the show in the back, and BAHU? You're right. That wasn't cocaine. I mixed up Yuri's semen and baking soda in a ziplock bag and you took the bait, crackbaby. On September 12, I plan on getting my revenge for what you pulled at King of the Dong. At In Your Pants, your music will hit: "crackbaby crackbaby". And the crowd will be completely silent. Except for Homophobic Screaming Guy and Drunk Guy in Crowd, of course. But that's a given. Then my music will hit: "Holiday roooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooad." And the millions and MILLIONS of Johnny Grunge-ites will all get out of their chairs and say: "there is the most alarmingly perfect man in online entertainment. So there's only one thing left to say. BAHU, I've got two wuuuuuhrds for ya: GET OUT."

Jimmy: "MrPerfectn, you can't beat a damn thing. The lizards told me ALL about you, brother. Yeah, they told me EVERYTHING. And next week on Sloptro, you're gonna be the one to feel the burn. You've been gone three months. And three months is a LONG TIME. A VERY LONG TIME. THINGS CHANGE. PEOPLE CHANGE."

MrPerfectn: "...."

To Determine The #1 Contender to GHarb77's World Title, With Special Referee Bret Hart: Foleyite (with Miss T0Y) vs. Reverend G Incognto (with Malaki100) vs. Intercontinentally challenged champ Yuri
G and Mal entered first to the biggest pop of the night. G hoisted Mal up on his shoulders and did the Randy Savage finger-twirl, and the fans ate up every second of it. Yuri entered next and marked out for his own entrance and Bret Hart, leaving nothing but huge stains on his sweatpants. Foleyite's annoying new theme then played, as a wigger began to speak over the PA: "One, two.... is this wrong? Hit me with a little bit of that
rightnesssssss." Foley and special referee Bret Hart shook hands and winked at each other, much to the crowd's dismay.

T0Y: "Buwuhahahaha Bret, Shawn kicked your ass at Wrestlemania 12!! Wooo hooo, Shawn! Mr. Foleyite even saw it live. Tell him, Foley!"

Foleyite: "Uhhhhhhhh...hahaha! Good one, T0Y! I don't know what she's talking about, Bret. We think she might have tourettes. We're looking into it."

Foley immediately went after G with closed fists, as Yuri tried to get Hart to sign his sweatpants. Throughout the majority of the match, Hart conveniently ignored Foley's breaking of the rules and allowed Foley to choke G for more than five seconds at a time. The horror. After tossing G to the outside, Foley shook his ass George Michael-style to a largely negative reaction. Yuri crept up from behind, and scooped Foley up for the Nervous Breakdown. Before being able to execute the move, Hart yanked Foley out of harm's way, kicked Yuri's leg out of his leg and slapped the sharpshooter on him, as Foley threatened to moon the crowd. The egomaniacs threw Yuri out of the ring like a rag doll, as T0Y hopped up on the apron.

T0Y: "Mr. Foleyite, what was it like to see Shawn beat Bret?"

Foley: "Oh, it was ALLSOME. Finally seeing Bret's old ass job to Shaw.... OH CRAP."

Bret: "This has just become smut TV."

Bret kicked Foley in the testicular region, as G returned to the ring and executed a legdrop on "The Right One". Bret made the three-count and proclaimed G the winner.

WCWSchvnne: "G HOLDS ONTO HIS NUMBER ONE CONTENDER STATUS AND GOES TO IN YOUR PANTS TO GET THE TITLE HE DESERVES! YOUR EGOMANIACAL ASS CAN DAMN SURE SLOP IT FOLEYITE!!!"

WCWSchvnne & Harry Caray Shamelessly Plug The Hell Out of The Next Slop-Per-View
WCWSchvnne: "Now we know that it will be G and Harb battling it out for the World title. Plus, in an epic tag team encounter, W4 & Skull meet the Princes of the Universe. Harry, your thoughts on In Your Pants, thus far."

JimmyXite: "Have you guys seen the lizards? They told me to come here, man. DON'T YOU SEE?!? It's all a SICK COSMIC GAME. We're ALL gonna fry when the snakes rise up, man."

Harry Caray: "That's what I've been tryin' to say for MONTHS now."

As Jimmy reached a level of insanity that would be considered disturbing (but certainly not by AOL standards), Battle Monkey emerged from the crowd and bitchslapped Jimmy to the floor. Jimmy's voice cracked like never before, as BM pulled his pants down and began raping him violently.

BM: "All I have asked is for rap to be played VERY LOUDLY. The Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears don't cut it, BOY. Your crackbaby buddy is next on the BM hit list. BEWARE BAHU BEWARE."

World champion GHarb77 vs. Jobber4WCW (With Miss T0Y & The T0Y Brothers)
Militant black music began playing over the PA, as the T0Y Brothers escorted the Womyns champion and Jobber to the ring to huge boos.

::Glass breaks::

::Crowd pops::

::Homophobic Screaming Guy harrasses a guy wearing the Shawn Michaels biker cap::

Harb hit the ring with a vengeance and worked over Jobber with right hands before whipping him into the corner. Jobber brought the boot up, and followed up with a shoulderblock from the second turnbuckle. Instead of focusing on the match, Jobber chose to flash the "Kliq" hand signal, leaving him vulnerable to a Harb roll-up. One. Two. NOP. Harb then missed a pair of clotheslines, but scored with a Thesz press and pounded away at Jobber. T0Y's
Brothers hopped up on the apron, but were knocked to the cement floor one by one.

WCWSchvnne: "MAH GOD HARB'S KNOCKING DOWN T0Y'S BROTHERS LIKE IT'S A GAME OF DOMINOES IN THERE. T0Y'S BROTHERS EVEN HAVE LITTLE WHITE DOTS ON THEM."

As Harb mocked the Kliq's hand signal, Miss T0Y hopped up on the apron and began badmouthing the "West Virginia Rattleharb".

Miss T0Y: "Mr. Harb, if you're so tough, how come you can't even hit a T0Y?"

WCWSchvnne: "BECAUSE HE'S GOT TOO MUCH CLASS TO HIT A WOMAN YOU DAMN JEZEBEL."

Miss T0Y: "Well, if ya can't hit a T0Y.. maybe you'll kiss a T0Y?"

The crowd whooped it up as Harb puckered up, only to be slapped by T0Y and kicked from behind by Foleyite.

Foleyite: "THIS IS THE ONE THING and Foleyite means ONE THING YOU WILL EVER..EH EH EVER SEE T0Y KISS IN YOUR LIFETIME, HARB."

Foley began slowly pulling his pants down and shaking his ass George Michael-style, as KaneRobot ran down to the ring for the sole purpose of holding Harb back to watch the ass-shaking commence. That Foleyite's becoming quite the ass-man. Rick Parka and Yuri came from the back and began brawling with Jobber and T0Y's Brothers, as G Incognto returned and speared Foley out of his pants. Malaki100 and T0Y began slapping each other on the outside. G hit the Backdrop Driver From Above on Foley and threw him out of the ring, as Harb hit T0Y Brother #4 with a Slop Cold Stunner at the exact same time. G and Harb turned around and looked in each other's beady eyes.

WCWSchvnne: "MAH GOD, ON SEPTEMBER 12 THESE TWO MEN WILL REIGNITE THE FLAMES AND DO IT ONE MORE TIME AND THIS TIME IT'S ABOUT THE GX WORLD TITLE. IT'S ABOUT BEING NUMBER ONE. GOOD GOD WHAT A SLOPTRO. Who is that in the rafters? I didn't know the Trenchcoat Mafia were into transvestism. Wait just one minute here. THAT IS DESDEV!!!!!! IT'S DES!!!!!!!! IT'S DES!!!!! IT IS!!!!!! IT'S NOT A FAKE DES OR ANYTHING STUPID LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ACTUALLY
HIM!!!!!!!! WE'RE OUTTA TIME!! WE'VE GOTTA GO!!!!! That's your cue to fade to black, guys!"

[Fade to black.]