GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
08/16/99
[Disclaimer: Due to major shake-ups
in the GX roster beyond the poor booker's control, this week's
edition of "GX Monday Sloptro" will feature very little
in-ring action. Instead, GX treats you to a meaningless "special
performance" by Jewel and a bunch of micwork, used to futher
angles. In essence, Sloptro will be more like Nitro and RAW than
it has ever been before! Play the wav!]
Sloptro Intro
Backstage - GHarb77 and Yuri Are Discussing Transcendentalism
Yuri: "harb, im the commish around
here. and we need to get a number one contender to face you for
the belt at in your pants. Dude, u know that the IC champ of the
fed is numberf one contendor to the world belt dude GtG"
Harb: "Don't you worry yer little Prozac-ridden head, Yuri.
I'll damn sure make the right choice."
A Limo Arrives at the GX Arena
Harry Caray: "Hey Schvnne! It must be Don Rickles."
WCWSchvnne: "It's gotta be Jewel. She's scheduled to sing
later tonight. Phooey. It's Davey and Char. What the hell are
they doing here?"
Harry Caray: "Probably cutting a promo, before they leave."
WCWSchvnne: "NO SPOILERZ!1111"
Kuno Powers Confronts WCWSchvnne & Harry Caray
WCWSchvnne: "Not another damn invasion. Look Kuno, we don't
want any trouble. Have some delicious Surge. It's on us."
Kuno: "So this is where the big online boys play, huh?!?!?!?"
WCWSchvnne: "Yes."
Kuno: "Just clarifying. Look, I'm not here to bash GX. This is the Cole's Crew King of Death Match trophy. I'm taking this Cole's Crew King of Death Match trophy, and dropping it into the trash can. Right where it belongs."
Eric Bischoff: "Hehe. And don't close this post, and read the competition. It's taped. They just job Outkast again. Man, they just rehash the same crap over and over again over there!"
Harry Caray: "Hey Eric! There was no beer in that ashtray."
Eric Bischoff: ::runs away::
A Limo Arrives at the GX Arena
WCWSchvnne: "It's about time Jewel showed ..oh, it's the
GX Kliq. The Princes of the Universe, T0Y and her Brothers, W4,
Skull, Foleyite and Jobber. Well, this is all fine and dandy,
but we have to wonder where Jewel is."
Harry Caray: "No, we don't. I find her work to be vastly overrated. Her lyrics are trite and predictable. I think you can find more substance in Tom Green's "Bum-Bum Song"."
WCWSchvnne: "Well, why don't you just stab my heart with a toothpick, while you're at it? Excuse me, I have something in my eye."
DaveyDog30 & Charisma93 Interview
Davey: "I didn't come out here to be insulted. I never once
insulted any of you. I never ONCE lied to GX. SHUT UP. And since
this is my last day here, I feel it's a moderate request to have
some appreciation from everyone."
GX, The GX Kliq, Yuri and Rick Parka emerged from the back, as
the original GX theme played over the PA. Rick Parka ate a twelve-pack
of hot dogs and vomited in a slop bucket. That's what happens,
when you feel the burn.
KaneRobot: "Mek has informed me that he wants me to lead
us in a song. NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA MMMMBOP goodbye. Mek, that
would be silly. Screw this crap. The Kliq's outta here, bub."
Yuri: "Says in a black man's voice. The maroons are gone, THANK THE LORD."
Harb: "Now I was watchin' SummerSlop from the back. And basically, Foleyite kicked yer little ass. So Davey, we will SEE YOUR ASS LATER. Now Charisma, me and you got unfinished business. I'm sayin' I owe you one last hug, as we remember the good times. Let's slop it one more time, Charbie."
Char opened up her arms to embrace the Rattleharb, only to fall victim to the Slop Cold Stunner to a tremendous ovation. Rick Parka dumped his slop bucket of vomit over Davey's head, and said he didn't hear any fat jokes from Davey now.
MrPerfectn: "Get out, Davey. Go on. Get. GET OUT."
Char and Davey sulked to the back, as the GX theme played VERY LOUDLY. Cameras followed Davey and Char all the way to their car, where Mean Gene stopped the twosome for one final interview.
Mean Gene: "DaveyDog30! You are a bonafied loser! What are you and Char gonna do now?"
Davey: "I'm ...I'm going home. Mom, can Char and I have a sip of your wine cooler?"
Char: "I can't stop crying. Fuckin' insensitive GXers."
Davey: "Don't cry for me. I'm already dead."
Davey's mom drove the duo off into the sunset, as Kid Rock's
"Balls In Your Mouth" played.
GHarb77 Interview
Harb: "Now all the little GX suits say that I need to find
a suitable opponent for the next slop-per-view. Yuri and I talked
about this before the show, and I said I'd make the right choice.
We also talked about the ending to Blair Witch. If anyone else
was confused by the ending, gimme a hell yeah. Or don't. Scratch
that. ANYWAY, we've had our differences, but he has my respect.
So, on September..whenever the next thingy is, I will defend the
GX World title against G Incognto. Now that that is out of the
way, I'd like to introduce the Grammy Award-winning JEWEL! YOU
RULE, JEWEL!"
Yuri: "WTF MAN THIS IS BS IM THE DAMN
NUMBOR ONE CONTENDER IM ALREADY IC CHAMP U PROMISED TO GIVE ME
THE SHOT BACKSTAGE U SAID YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE AND THEN IS
SLAPPED BECKYS ASS AND THEEEEEEEEEEN MOM GAVE US SOME CAKE"
Before Harb could respond to Yuri's ...odd comments, a really
annoying new theme played, as "The Right One" hit the
GodwinnTron.
Foleyite: "When you talk about "the right choice", you can really only be talking about one man - and Foleyite means ONE MAN. And it's the choice of the next generation. Let's look at the facts. Number of people reading Sloptro since I've been out of the ring? Downward spiral. Quality of the slop-per-views? Plummeting. Reactions from the hicks and harlots we call GX fans these days? Drunken yelling, at best. And I know why you're drunk! You're drinking yourselves to an early grave, so you don't have to put up with this - let's be honest - BORING "online entertainment". Foleyite has returned to the ring to SAVE G! X! And now? With the GX Kliq united as one? GX will never...EH EH ..line, please? EVER be the same A GANE."
WCWSchvnne: "Who is he kidding?"
Harry Caray: "Peabo Bryson?"
WCWSchvnne: "It was a rhetorical question."
G Incognto: "Foley, with all due respect, you haven't
even been around for the last few months. And while you've been
away, your ego's just gotten out of control."
Foleyite: "IT DOESN'T MATTER!! MY ego's OUT OF CONTROL?!?!
YOUR EGO'S OUT OF CONTROL!!!! THIS WHOLE PROMOTION IS OUT OF CONTROL.
I'm booking this shit. Yuri. G. Foleyite. THREE-WAY DANCE. Winner
gets the shot at In Your Pants."
Harb: "A three-way tonight?"
Foley: "No, next week."
G: "Oh. Well, we'll all have time to prepare properly then."
Harb: "Well, what are we gonna do now?"
Foley: "I think we're just gonna fade to black."
[Fade to black.]
G: "I can't believe they did that."