GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
08/09/99
[Disclaimer: "GX Monday Sloptro" may
be offensive to younger viewers. I said "may be". You can keep
reading. And while you're at it, listen to {S GX. DO IT. NOW. Stop scrolling
down to read Sloptro. I MEAN IT. LISTEN TO {S GX NOW. Sit Ubu sit. Good
dog.]
Sloptro Intro
Foleyite Casually Pacing In His Dressing Room, With "Livin' La
Vida Loca" Stuck In His Head
[Five unknown black guys enter the room, and tap Foley on the shoulder.]
Foleyite: "Can I help you?"
Black Guy #1: "Yo PONKASS, why ain't a brother ever gotten a GX World title reign?"
Foleyite: "We've never had many black guys in the company."
Black Guy #2: "Oh, so you have some racist hiring policies, huh snowflake?"
Foleyite: "I don't like where this is headed."
[Five anonymous black guys beat Foley's ass, as N.W.A's "Fuck Tha Police" plays.]
Black Guy #4: "I DONT SEE YO LITTLE WHITE ASS GIVIN T0Y SHIT NOW MUTHAFUCKA"
[MekZhaoyun rushes to the scene in his Transformer Underoos.]
Mek: "Mah god, what happened?"
Foley: "Oh, nothing. I was just almost MURDERED."
Loser Leaves AOL Match: TonyIsDrk (With "Cybersexual White Chocolate"
Steven Hovis) vs. HostWWFLaw
Drk and Hovis strolled to the ring to their new Barry White-like entrance
music to a nice little pop. GX is already working on getting them three
more new themes by the end of the month. Hovis scarfed down a pile of Rice
Krispie Treats and a horse, as Law attacked Drk with a keyboard. Law bashed
Drk over the head with the keyboard a good ten times or so. Drk began bleeding
profusely. If you're under the age of 16 and you're reading this.. thanks
for reading. Anyway, after the tenth keyboard shot, Drk fired back with
some "shoot-style kneelifts". Drk brought the GX fans to their
feet with a Doctor Bomb, but was unable to follow up with a senton splash.
As fans rallied behind Drk, SweetLdyCt came waddling down to the ring. She
threw some Johnson & Johnsons baby shampoo in Drk's eyes, but it had
no effect. There's a reason that thing has a "no more tears" sticker
on it, my friends. Sweet then swung a giant rattle, but Drk ducked and the
rattle exploded with baby powder as it struck Law. Drk took advantage of
the mishap, and pinned Law for the win. Following the match, Drk dropkicked
Sweet in the gut to a huge pop. Due to the prematch stipulation, Law must
now leave AOL. Will Drk be able to rid AOL of The Beast They Call Sweet?
Is Sweet really pregnant? Only time..will tell.
::"Alfred Hitchcock Presents" theme music::
KaneRobot Flexing Ass-Cheeks In Front of Mirror, As MekZhaoyun And
Foleyite Hum Along To "Don't Fear The Reaper"
Kane: "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"
Foleyite: "Foleyite."
Kane: "I was talking to myself, bub."
[Five anonymous black guys enter room.]
Black Guy # 5: "I heard you done been fucking wit T0Y up in here."
Kane: "Look, Mr. N.W.A, Mr. A.K., we got drunk, said some things we didn't mean..peed on her bike..and her shoes.. ok, I realize this SOUNDS REALLY bad."
Mek: "Look pal, I'm a Marine from Milwaukee."
Black Guy #4: "I DONT REMEMBER ASKIN YOU A GODDAMN THING"
[Five anonymous black guys beat piss out of Kane, Mek, and Foleyite, as N.W.A's "Fuck Tha Police" plays.]
Miss T0Y: "I'm sorry guys ..but my Brothers can be VERY protective sometimes."
Jobber4WCW & DOAskull (With Miss T0Y and T0Y's Brothers) vs. The
Princes of the Universe (With Foleyite)
Mek and Jobber started things off, as T0Y's Brothers began circling Foleyite
at ringside. Mek scored early with a clothesline, and quickly made the tag
to Kane. Chris Rock, a proud fan of GX, began doing his routine about "black
guys vs. niggers" from his front-row seat, as the Princes hit Jobber
with a double-elbow. Unfortunately, T0Y's Brothers didn't see Rock and thought
Foley said the dreaded "n word". Three of T0Y's Brothers dtarting
beating up Foley AGAIN as "Reginald Denny" chants broke out and
the remaining brothers attacked the Princes. The match was ruled a no-contest.
Rock's "black guys vs. niggers" routine got the biggest pop of
the night from the GX crowd. Considering Rock is black and that Sloptro
was live from Arkansas, this should be noted as a strange occurence.
~And now for something completely different.~
"G-TV" Segment
[Malaki100 and G Incognto are seen talking in the locker room.]
Mal: "So you've been behind this G-TV thing all along? Why? Are you making another heel turn?"
G: "It's called G-TV. Come on. And no, I'm not making a heel turn. I just get bored back here."
[Battle Monkey pounds on G's door.]
BM: "G, I'd very much appreciate it if you would play "Ain't Nothin' But a G Thing" VERY LOUDLY."
G: "No can do, BM. That's part of my old gimmick, sorry."
BM: "WHY YOU RAJHGEIFJHGHJOHJFA."
[BM ripped the door off of its hinges, and said that if G did not play him the song, that there would be hell to pay at SummerSlop. G just laughed and went back to showing Malaki his collection of Trent Dilfer cards.]
DaveyDog30 vs. Outkast
Before the match, it was announced that the winner of this match would get
a shot at the Intercontinentally challenged title at SummerSlop. The new
Intercontinentally challenged champ and GX Commissioner Yuri and Foleyite
provided their own unique brand of color commentary for this all-important
match, you know.
WCWSchvnne: "Yuri, I understand that you can do a mean Davey impression."
Yuri: "HEY LOOK AT ME IM DAVEY AND I LIKE DISNEY AND CHAR"
Foleyite: "Haha, Davey and Char? Who in the hell are they? Some mid-carders?"
Davey was OUTRAGED by Foley's comments and began calling him a miserable fuck. As Davey continued to yell at Foley and Yuri, Outkast rolled him up from behind. One. Two. Three.
Chris Rock: "GOOD LAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CJB MUTHAFUCKA CJB!!!!!!'
WCWSchvnne: "We really shouldn't give Chris front-row seats anymore. He's causing quite a ruckus. Oh yeah, my lines. OUTKAST WINS! OUTKAST WINS! OUTKAST IS GOIN' TO SUMMERSLOP!!! Are you happy now, Harry?"
Harry Caray: "That narwhal can kiss my ass."
WCWSchvnne: "Sigh. It's like talking to a wall sometimes."
Rick Parka Interview
Mean Gene: "I'm at an all-you-can-eat buffet here in the shank of the
evening. And you know what that means! Welcome Rick Parka! OH YEAH!"
Rick: "These chicken wings are terrific."
Mean Gene: "The world wants to know, Mr. Parka. Are you indeed the GX Kliq's Hummer driver?"
Rick: "Nope."
Gene: "OH YEAH!"
Meng: "Bastard stole my line."
World champion BAHUMUTH & Harbcore champ JimmyXite vs. GHarb77
& "AOL's Most Lovable Man" Mr. ANTI
Before this shindig could even start to begin, Jimmy complained that ANTI
had left a mound of feces in his bag. Now this is a total lie. ANTI had
diarrhea on Sunday, so a "mound of feces" is just impossible.
BAHU then spoke his piece, and informed everyone that he was making Karla
Jushin Liger compilation tape. Sickening. Truly sickening.
::glass breaks::
::crowd pops::
::Drunk Guy in Crowd vomits up corn nuts::
The insanely lovable duo of Harb and ANTI made their way to the ring with a pair of slop buckets and wasted no time clubbing BAHU & Jimmy over the head with them. ANTI quickly disrobed, and hit Jimmy with the nude frog splash. ANTI winked at Harb, and West Virginia's favorite son ripped all of his clothes off and executed a nude Slop Cold Stunner on BAHU. The nudists began to celebrate, when Karla came running down the entrance ramp wearing nothing but whipped cream and handcuffs.
Harb: "What the hell has he done to you?!!!?!?!?!"
Karla: "The whipped cream and handcuffs I did myself. I had to do something to take my mind off of all that Japanese wrestling crap."
As Harb continued to console Karla, BAHU snuck up from behind and kicked Harb in his twig-and-berries. BAHU followed up with the "BAHU Bottom", but a pin attempt was broken up by ANTI. Jimmy poured his Gym-Bag-O'-Feces all over The ANTI One.. only to find out that he liked it. ANTI chased Jimmy all the way to the back, as Harb and BAHU traded right hands. After a missed right hand, Harb scored with a side suplex and quickly starting putting his clothes back on. Unfortunately, he had leather pants, so now that he was all sweaty, he couldn't pull them up all the way. As he struggled with the pants, BAHU dropkicked him and followed up with a legdrop for a two-count. Harb was taken down with a drop-toehold, but moved out of the way of a second legdrop. With his pants still around his ankles, Harb tripped and landed face-first on the slop buckets. As blood poured from Harb's nose, BAHU picked up the unconscious Harb and delivered the "BAHU Bottom". One. Two. Three.
WCWSchvnne: "Will the crackbaby be able to pin Harb again this Sunday? Who is the GX Kliq's Hummer Driver? Whose bright idea was it to put Outkast on the SummerSlop card? Who will have to leave GX when SummerSlop is through? Has anyone seen Rick Parka around? 'Cause he was my ride..dammit. OK FANS WE'VE GOTTA GO."
Harry Caray: "CUBS WIN CUBS WIN."
WCWSchvnne: "AGAIN with the 'Cubs Win'. We get the bloody point."
Harry Caray: "Fuck you. I won't share my Jujyfruits with you on next week's broadcast. The yellow ones are like coconuts, when I dip them in Surge."
WCWSchvnne: "Somebody shoot me."
[Fade to black.]