GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters,
Arkansas
08/02/99
[Disclaimer: Hey yo. Listen to {S GX, as you read the introduction to "GX Monday Sloptro". You could listen to something else. But if you do so, you will be beaten, mocked and repeatedly maimed. Hope you ENJOY IT.]

Sloptro Intro

DaveyDog30 Interview
Davey: "You know, I've been with this company from the very beginning. And I still get no respect. T0Y, you whore. It's because of YOU that Charisma is gone from GX. You know, back in March when I left, you people thought you were seeing the REAL Davey surface. Well, you people don't know SHIT about the REAL DaveyDog30 and I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU DO! I didn't have confidence until I finally saw the light. But I've got the confidence and I've
seen the light now.. and the fact is that I'm better than each and every one of you MISERABLE FUCKS! Sit down, toothless! I'll take your fiancee to Disneyland, make her go WHOO WHOO!"

[GX Commissioner Yuri appeared on the entrance ramp, as Davey tried to get Drunk Guy in Crowd to buy him some alchohol.]

Yuri: "WTF is this a Disney convention. Well, you are officially a FUCK UP and I'm the F'N COMMISH and it's signed. AT SUMMERSLOP FOLYITE VS DAVYDOG AND THE LOSER'S GONNA LEAVE GX. AND TONITE, I WILL RETURN TO THE RING TO TAKE U ON MY DAMN SELF Disney Boy. U cheated at Sloppamania and i didnt forget it u putz. For months u mocked me WTF YOUR THE ONE WITH
THE DAMN ONLINE BS RELATIONSHIP. And youre not on my good list so there'll be no christmas presents for you. AND THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN MOM GAVE US.......some cake."

WCWSchvnne: "After four months of retirement, YURI returns to the ring in tonight's main event, and Davey's title WILL BE ON THE LINE!!!!!"

Harry Caray: "If Neptune was made out of Cool Ranch Doritos, I'd have it eaten in about an hour. And THAT is a shoot."

A Hummer Enters the GX Arena Parking Lot
::shadowy figure gets out of the Hummer::

Rick Parka: "What is everybody staring at?"

WCWSchvnne: "fkgjakghjgdakfgbjdafjgh"

Harry Caray: "Hey Tony! I bet Rick Parka would eat Neptune in about six minutes."

If Jobber Wins, Jobber and Miss T0Y Can Join The Kliq (The Princes of the Universe, Foleyite and DOAskull): Jobber4WCW (With Miss T0Y) vs. DOAskull (With Foleyite)
In a shocking surprise, Jobber and Skull wrestled a beautiful, clean match. No outside interference from anyone. No run-ins. No fields. No football helmets. Yeah, you get the point. Jobber pinned Skull after a Running Jobber Bomb at 11:45 to win the match.

Foleyite: "Well, a deal is a deal. T0Y and Jobber, welcome to the RIGHTEST ASSEMBLAGE OF TALENT EVER CREATED IN GX! THE KLIQ RULES THE WRESTLING WORRRRRRLD!!!!!!!"

Jobber: "Why would we wanna join up with you after what you guys pulled last night?"

Foleyite: "Huh?"

T0Y: "It's such a PRIVELIGE to be with you huh, Mr. Foleyite? After the way you've treated us lately, we've decided that we don't need to be in your little group, Buster Brown!"

Foleyite: "GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T DO THIS TO THE RIGHT ONE!!!!!! JOBBER YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!! T0Y YOU MARCH YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND KISS MY ASS RIGHT NOW!!!! ::Chris Jericho voice:: YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!"

The debuting SweetLdyCt vs. Malaki100
Malaki was wheeled to the ring in a wheelbarrow, and moaned during her entire entrance as the Cure's "Pictures Of You" played. Red lights, flames and gallons of sweat then drenched the arena, as Sweet entered the ring. Malaki was too busy thinking of Robert Smith to notice Sweet picking her up by the throat and chokeslamming her 'damn near to hell.' Sweet could have ended the match right there, but chose not to. Sweet belly-to-bellied Malaki, and
followed up with three big splashes. With all of the sweat that this beast of a woman was producing, these were LITERALLY "big splashes". As Sweet gloated and ate a third-world country, TonyIsDrk appeared on the GodwinnTron.

Tony: "As the Manson Family once said, 'I don't give a damn about you or your baby, bitch.' At SummerSlop, I won't be afraid to take my right hand, turn it sideways and stick it STRAIGHT UP YOUR FETUS' ASS!!!!"

A worried Sweet left the building, as Malaki recovered in the ring. The crowd gave her a standing ovation for being able to withstand the assualt. Well, either that or they liked seeing her masturbate during her entrance. Plus, she was still naked. Sick. As the crowd gave her a standing orgasm, LL Cool J's "I'm The Type of Guy" began playing VERY LOUDLY. Battle Monkey, complete with fur, entered the ring and gave Malaki a crotch chop. Uh oh. Before
BM could do anything, Reverend G Incognto appeared and brutalized BM with a vicious chairshot. G grabbed Mal's hand and the two ran off like children in the night. Truly a touching segment.

World champ BAHUMUTH & Harbcore champion JimmyXite vs. GHarb77 & Mr. ANTI
This match didn't last very long, because the main event took up way too much time to book. Basically, BAHU teased Harb and informed him that he was turning Karla on to Ricky Fuji, which led to a nasty scuffle. The nasty scuffle escalated, and turned into a pier-six brawl when Jimmy and ANTI joined the fray. The pier-six brawl became a melee, as several fans decided to join the fun and throw their kids' into the ring. BAHU began talking to other
kids who suffer from Fetal Alchohol Syndrome, while Harb and ANTI gave Jimmy their own version of the Doomsday Device. ANTI then winked at the referee, and the ref called for a DQ. Apparently, this ref thinks he's too good to be bribed with some good old-fashioned feces-eating pics. BAHU and Jimmy win by DQ, but the real winners here were the kids who got the chance to talk to someone about their Fetal Alchohol Syndrome. If you know someone with FAS
or have it yourself, don't be afraid to call someone. If you don't get help at Charter, get it somewhere, you fucking freak.

Intercontinentally challenged champion DaveyDog30 vs. "The Heartbreak Kid of AOL" YURI
In perhaps the biggest Sloptro main event of all-time, GX spared no expenses and hired the only man big enough to be the ring announcer for such an event: former star of "Doogie Howser M.D." MAX CASELLA.

Casella: "Hey Doog, this match is scheduled for one-fall with NO TIME LIMIT, and it is for da GX INTERCONTINENTALLY CHALLENGED TITLE. ARE YOU READY? No, I said ARE YOU READY?!?!?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! ARE YOU READY!!!!!!!!! Hold on, let me take my earplugs out. Ok, that's better. Coming to the ring at this time, is da challenger. He is known da world over as da "Heartbreak Kid of AOL". In their first two matches, nothing was settled. Now Yuri returns
to da ring to avenge his Sloppamania loss and take da INTERCONTINENTALLY CHALLENGED TITLE. And his opponent, da champion. Here is DaveyClark30!"

As Yuri impressed.. ::Triple H voice:: THE LADIES with the patented "HBK Zipper Dance", Davey clotheslined the hell out of him from behind and followed up with an impressive delayed suplex. Davey completely dominated Yuri with forearm shivers and shoulderblocks, and hit Yuri with a running powerslam for a close two-count. Davey continued to stomp away at Yuri, until Yuri pulled a roll of quarters out of his pants and clocked Davey over the head with
it.

WCWSchvnne: "AW GOD. You can say a lot about Yuri. Yes, he's only 15 years old. Yes, he's suffered many deaths during his GX career. But by God, you find someone else with as much heart as this kid. Or as much Xanex, for that matter."

Harry Caray: ::has stroke::

The poster child for ADD took control of the match, and set up for the ol' Nervous Breakdown. Davey slid down the back, kicked Yuri in the mid-section and went for the CUNNILINGUS BOMB but Yuri countered with a Frankensteiner for two. Yuri slapped on the Tazmission, but Davey backed Yuri into the corner to escape the hold and regain control of this EPIC encounter. Davey pounded away at Yuri's head and hit him with a bulldog for two. VERY close. As
Davey called the crowd "miserable fucks", Yuri executed a drop-toehold and slapped on the WTF submission. The referee clutched his head and collapsed to the mat, as Davey tapped out.

WCWSchvnne: "NO NO NO!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!! THE REF!!! I THINK IT'S AN ANEURYSM OR ONE TOO MANY EPISODES OF FELICITY OR SOMETHING, AH GOD THE REF IS OUT COLD AND WE SHOULD HAVE A NEW CHAMP."

Foleyite entered the ring with a chair to a huge pop, and BLASTED Yuri with a chairshot. Davey nodded and smiled, as Foley went to shake his hand and the crowd booed as if they had just been forced to watch a compilation of Konnan interviews.

WCWSchvnne: "NO DAMMIT NO GOD DAMMIT FOLEY HOW COULD YOU HE JUST WANTS THAT TITLE FOR HIMSELF THAT SELFISH FUCKING FOLEYITE. Instead of dealing with the problems he and his ego brought on himself, he's joining the darkside instead of facing the goddamn problems. This MACE me SICK. Foleyite, you bitter fucking egomaniac. Have fun watching that Disney shit with Davey and Char, you asshole."

Foley and Davey hugged and raised each others hands, as the hicks threw feces and overpriced nachos at the duo. As the trash poured into the ring, Foley pulled Davey into a short clothesline and began pounding away at Davey's poofy hair. The crowd went WILD, as Foley followed up with the SLOP DROP and then joined WCWSchvnne and Harry Caray at the broadcast booth:

Foleyite: "DaveyDog30, Foleyite understands your problem loud and clear. You want to BE like The Right One. You wanna come out here and pretend you're 20 years old and that you have millions AND BY GOD MILLIONS of ass-kissing shills chanting "DA-VEY DA-VEY". Because in your deluded mind, MARK-DOG, you really think that all of this IS YOURS! I've never won ONE title in GX. Not ONE. And it really don't make a damn. I don't OBSESS over this garbage like
you do. I don't have to be the 'funniest guy online', Davey. I do this because I ENJOY it. And at SummerSlop, I'm gonna enjoy sticking the spotlight you so desire up your attention-starved CANDY ASS! And that's the bottom line because Foleyite is right."

WCWSchvnne: "OH HELL YEAH! THE RIGHT ONE! FOLEYITE!"

Harry Caray: "Hey Tony! Didn't you just say Foley was a bitter fucking egomaniac?"

Foley: "What?"

WCWSchvnne: "I would never say that."

Harry Caray: "Yeah, you did. Then you told Foley to have fun making sloppy martian love with Disney shit and called him an asshole."

WCWSchvnne: "Shut...up..."

As Schvnne and Harry's bloated half-asleep carcass argued, a second ref entered the ring. Yuri hit Davey with the NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. ONE. TWO. THREE.

WCWSchvnne: "FKIHGJADJHDOJHODAKHOKYHOTRB UNBELIEVABLE. YURI WINS. YURI WINS. MAH GOD, THIS KID'S GOT MORE HEART THAN ANYBODY AND HE DID IT. HE FINALLY DID IT. WHAT A NIGHT FOR YURI. WHAT A NIGHT FOR GX."

Backstage With The One and Only W46578
[W4 is seen having some Snackwells with Ravi Shankar.]

W4: "Ravi - can I call you Ravi? Ravi - if that's your real name - sometimes I wonder why I turned on GX. 'Davey would have wanted it this way'. Ha. When I was younger, I never needed anybody's help in any way."

Ravi: "George hasn't called in years. I baked him some brownies last year, but I got no thank you notes. Nothing. It's always take take take with George. Sigh. Anyway W4, you've got to do what you believe in."

W46578: "I don't believe in Davey. I don't believe in Posse. I just believe in me."

[Fade to black.]