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GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
07/19/99
[Disclaimer: If possible, read this magically delicious post with {S GX. If you don't have this wav, do not ask or e-mail me for it. Just read the thing without the wav. Don't be such a spoiled ass. Just read this damn thing already. Come on. You don't have anything better to do right now. ]

Sloptro Intro
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, it's the biggest Sloptro we've had in DAYS! In non-title action, Davey and Skull! Jobber's return to Sloptro action! G AND BAHU IN A RETURN MATCH FOR THE WORLD TITLE! Plus, who drove the Hummer containing MekZhaoyun, The AG, DOAskull and Foleyite? WILL YOU FIND OUT TONIGHT? NO! THE HUMMER DRIVER ANGLE WILL BE DRAGGED OUT UNTIL SUMMERSLOP! I'M SORRY BUT IT'S TRUE!"

Harry Caray: "Hey Schvnne! If the Hummer driver turns out to be one of them talking M & M men from the commercials, I imagine he'd taste good with beer."

MekZhaoyun & Foleyite Backstage
Mek: "Hey, what happened at the Motel 6 last night?"

Foley: "Oh. T0Y, Jobber and Skull were throwing a reunion party. They were watching 'The Breakfast Club' and playing Yahtzee when I showed up. Yuri and his mom came later, and brought some Imo's Pizza. And then Yuri's mom gave us some cake."

Mek: "Yuri's MOM showed up?"

Foley: "Yeah. She slipped on the pizza and broke her pegleg. It was just weird. Where's Kane?"

Mek: "Kane is..oh shit."

GANGWARR vs. GUNN
The 99.9% caucasian crowd booed and started singing "I Hate Rap" as GANGWARR entered the ring. Everybody proudly waved their Confederate flags and burning crosses, as GUNN hit the ring in his dolphin shorts. GUNN took off his flip-flops and pummeled GANG to the hillbilly crowd's delight. In form control, GUNN pulled a noose out of his tights, as a cop began walking to the ring.

Cop: "Sir, we recieved a call from a woman claiming you had abused her?"

GUNN: "SHE HIT ME FIRST"

The cop slapped the handcuffs on GUNN, and GANG hit the popular hick with the "Ghetto Blaster" for the three-count. Following the match, Battle Monkey charged the ring and anally raped GUNN until he apologized for beating his girlfriend and admitted that he owned an LL Cool J album.

Footage of The Pumpkin Express Playing Monopoly in a Warehouse Where KaneRobot Is Blindfolded and Tied to a Chair
Kane: "And I'd do anything.."

The Sax: "Please. Just let me kill him."

Kane: "WHAT???! You guys don't like Hanson!?!? Hey, let's play a game! I'm thinkin' of somethin' orange. Something orange. Give up? It's Bibby's head. Get it? Alright, now I'm thinkin' of somethin' blue. Somethin' bluuuuuuuuuuuuuue.."

Bibby: ::throws cheese balls at Kane:: "Ching chow pa. KnOw YoUr RoLe, big man. Dammit, I landed on Ventnor Avenue again."

Ryan2TicketstoParadise: "Hehe, just like in real life, Ben. I guess you're just not much of a businessman!"

JimmyXite Interview
Jimmy wore a preppy vest and did the Backstreet Boy chair DACE in the middle of the ring, as "Everybody" played over the PA. Obviously, GX is now trying to cash in on the phenomenal success of the Nitro Girls.

Jimmy: "ANTI ::voice cracks:: I've had enough of you already. And from what I hear ::voice cracks:: your wife feels the same way. That's ::voice cracks:: right, people. This guy's so obsessed with me, that it's ::voice cracks:: ruining his marriage. YOUR OLD LADY WANTS A DIVORCE. So get a life and stop stalking me, ANTI. Damn."

ANTI: "LMAO! I'M obsessed? You're the one who was stalking Merogal, you Ragu-eating troll. I only have one obsession, and that obsession involves feces. So, with that in mind, I'm throwing out a challenge. At SummerSlop, you and me go at it in an EAT MY FECES MATCH."

Jimmy: "At SummerSlop, I'll rock your body r::voice cracks:: right. Damn."

Drunk Guy In Crowd: "NOW SING FREEEEBIRRRRD FUCKIN A WHOOOOO"

TonyIsDrk (With "Handsome" Steven Hovis) vs. Jobber4WCW (With Miss T0Y)
Transcripts of cybersex Drk had with LadyJ fell from the rafters, as the scrumptious duo of Hovis & Drk made their way to the ring. Jobber and T0Y then came out to a pretty big pop, and the match was on like neckbone, sucka. The match was a back and forth affair, not unlike the affair Drk had with Sweet. Ohhhhh. That was bad. Sorry. Hovis hopped up on the apron with a chair, but hopped back down when T0Y smiled in his direction. As Hovis put his hands in his pockets, trying to look his cutest, Jobber hit Drk with the Running Jobber Bomb, but only got a measly two-count. Drunk Guy in Crowd chanted for puppies, and the feminist referee became very offended and left the ring to give DGIC a piece of his mind. With the ref distracted, DOAskull hit the ring and bulldogged Drk. The ref returned to make the three-count and give Jobber the big win. As Jobber,T0Y and Skull celebrated, a pregnant SweetLdyCt appeared on the GodwinnTron.

Drk: "Sweet, AOL isn't big enough for the both of us. Hell, at SummerSlop, I'll make sure you never sign on again. Loser Leaves AOL match."

Sweet: "Tony honey, I'm pregnant. Just pregnant. :) "

Drk: "Christ. That thing ain't mine. I'll kick that fucking fetus' ass too, if that's what it takes to get you to sign off once and for all."

Backstage With W46578 and DaveyDog30
W4: "Davey, I overheard something last week from BAHU and Jimmy."

Davey: "What did they tell you? Look, Charisma and I are just friends. Char is just flirtatious in AND out of the ring. We're friends. Just friends. FRIEEEEEENDS GOD DAMMIT. So we watched "The Rescuers" together. Is that really that big a deal? I mean, come on. GET OVER IT ALREADY. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a big match to work."

W4: "Is there anybody going to listen to my story?"

Non-Title Match: Intercontinentally challenged champion DaveyDog30 vs. DOAskull
Conspicuous by her absence was Charisma93. Seeing Davey do the Dessert Dance to "Under the Sea" all by his lonesome was enough for some fans to give him a sympathetic face reaction. Davey put a Mickey Mouse hat on a kid in the front row, grabbed a mic and ordered Foleyite to come out.

Foleyite: "FINALLY, Disney-boy has the guts to CALL THE RIGHT ONE OUT!"

Davey: "Shut the hell up. Forget my Disney-loving gimmick. I'm shooting with this one. You come out here with yer little 'I am right' crap, and it really don't make a damn. Your ego MACE me sick. You want a title shot at SummerSlop, when you can't even get a medical release. I probably kicked your ass in my drunken JOCK days, and if you're stupid enough to let the match happen, I'll do it again."

Foleyite: "You're gonna.. do what?" ::raises right eyebrow::

As Foley and Davey argued, DOAskull went to the top turnbuckle and executed a bulldog from the top on the distracted Davey. One. Two. Three.

Chris Rock: "GOOD LAWD, NAH WHAT DA FUCK WAS DAT?"

T0Y and Jobber came from the back and thanked Foley for helping Skull win. But Foley helped Skull unintentionally. T0Y, Jobber and Skull think Foley's helping them, but he really isn't. Kinda like what happened last week. Yikes. I haven't seen an angle move this slow, since I saw "Schindler's List". Jobber went to shake Foley's hand, and Foley pushed him out of the way.

T0Y: "I think it's just PMS."

Jobber: "Only women can have PMS, T0Y."

T0Y: "Oh."

Footage of The Pumpkin Express Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos in a Warehouse Where KaneRobot Is Blindfolded and Tied to a Chair
Kane: ::pulls blindfold off with his cunning tongue::

Bibby: "So then I said to him..'I whooped your ass, you tree hugger!' JUST like how Eric Cartman of South Park would say it! Man, it was great."

Kane: "MY MOP!!!!!!"

::Kane breaks free from the chair, regains his mop and beats the bejesus out of all three Pumpkin Express members as Queen's "I Want to Break Free" plays::

World champion BAHUMUTH (With the kidnapped Karla) vs. Reverend G Incognto
GX's holy man had the eye of the tiger, as he walked dat aisle. Unlike Eddie Murphy's "Holy Man", G was not prepared to be a flop tonight. The world's most hated crackbaby BAHUMUTH hit the ring and the bell rang. BAHU controlled the earlygoing of the match, using his knowledge of puroresu to his advantage. BAHU hit G with 65 forearms, as fans started "Boring" chants. The champ whined that GX fans just did not know good ring psychology when they saw it. Mindless chants of "U-S-A!" inspired G to break free from a reverse chinlock and side suplex FAS Boy, as GHarb77 appeared at ringside. JimmyXite came from the back and prevented Harb from taking Karla back, by hypnotizing him with Sting's old vulture. Meanwhile in the ring, G hit BAHU with the Holy Roller and followed up with a dropkick that would make Paul Wight proud. As Jimmy argued with Karla over which boy band RULZ, Harb grabbed the GX World title belt from ringside. BAHU ran after Harb, as Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off of the vulture, and G did the "Ickey Shuffle".

Howard Finkel: "The referee has informed me that if BAHUMUTH doesn't return to the ring in 10 seconds, he will not only lose the match - he will lose the GX World title AND we will stop distributing crack to him."

BAHU: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

BAHU turned into Michael Johnson and sprinted to the ring at 100 m.p.h, only to be nailed by a G lariat. G got a near-fall. G hit BAHU with a double-leg-takedown, but BAHU kicked out of the "Salinas Pepper" instantly, and cowered in the corner. G whipped BAHU into the corner, but ran into a boot. BAHU set up the "BAHU Bottom", but G elbowed out of it and scored with the Backdrop Driver From Above. Master P, GANGWARR and Battle Monkey began walking the aisle, as P lip-synched to the most annoying song of all-time. G went to the top and dove onto the rapping trio with a corkscrew plancha, as the ref took a cigarette break and discussed Britney Spears' MTV special with Jimmy. Harb returned to the scene of the crime, and knocked BAHU out with the GX World belt to a tremedous ovation. The referee went back to doing his job, as G went back to the top to finish BAHU off. G did the Official Val Venis Top-Rope Hip Swivel, but fell groin-first on the turnbuckle. Thank you GANGWARR. BAHU recovered and superplexed G for the pinfall. One. Two. Not quite. Unable to contain his anger any longer, Harb hit the ring and gave BAHU a SLOP COLD STUNNER, giving BAHU the DQ win. G was not happy. Before G had time to sulk, he was beaten senseless by the duo of Battle Monkey and GANGWARR.

WCWSchvnne: "FANS, BAHU IS STILL WORLD CHAMP BUT HARB'S GOT THE BELT AND G'S MAD CAUSE HES NOT CHAMP AND ATTACKED BY BATTLE MONKEY AND GANGWARR WHO DROVE THE HUMMER!!!!!!!"

Harry Caray: ::downs a Budweiser and passes out::

[Fade to black guy fingering BAHUMUTH.]