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Sloptro: (07/12/99)

SLOPTRO INTRO

Opening Segment
WCWSchvnne: "Fans, we've got a big show lined up for you tonight. No, Paul Wight is not lined up. But, we have a presentation that could be deemed big, if you have very low standards or just want to be nice. Last night at Ful-- why is the Posse's music starting up? They're not scheduled to be out here yet. Oh my! Would you look at this? HAHA! MattyRobot! That's just downright hilarious!"

Harry Caray: "AGisma. BAHUMek. FoleyDog30. JimmySOScite. KaneDog30. I don't get it. I wouldn't eat any of these bastards, if they were cloned, Schvnne."

BAHUMek: "Someone shoot me. Please. Just blow my head off. End this eternal pain. FoleyDog, I'll give you total control of the Pussy. Just take a crowbar and bash my misshapen head right in. Go on. Just bash it right in."

FoleyDog30: "You know I can't do that, BAHU. You still owe me a Best of FMW Comp. Anyway, guess what I did today, guys? I woke up, and then I had a shower and then I had some Lucky Charms."

AGisma: "HA! Hey FoleyDog, let's watch "Ishtar" together tonight."

FoleyDog30: "Why, that idea is NUMBER ONE AND BEST!"

AGisma: "Oh MattyRobot, you're gonna be so hot when you're older."

MattyRobot: "I know I'm supposed to be Davey's little brother, but do I have to wear his pajamas? I guess this is funny, but it's extremely embarrassing. I'm 6'7, 280 pounds.."

JimmySOSCite: "Damn. AGisma, why ::voice cracks:: do you laugh ::voice cracks:: at everything ::voice cracks:: FoleyDog says. Damn. It's like you two are ::voice cracks:: lovers or something."

AGisma: "ACCUSATIONS."

FoleyDog30: "AHAHAHAHAHAHA, dare I say it? AGisma is right!"

BAHUMek: "Posse, it's real simple. We've got two words for ya."

Mek,AG,Fole,Skull,Kane: "ME AND STING!!!!!!!"

NEW! Harbcore champion JimmyXite vs. "AOL's Most Lovable Man" Mr. ANTI (With Merogal13)
The annoyingly disgusting Jimmy called the GX fans "fat, ::voice cracks:: out of shape Bitters pissants", even though "pissants" starts with a 'p', and Bitters starts with a 'b'. NO UR ROLL, Jimmy. After Jimmy bragged about the Posse owning every belt in GX, he was pelted with a Frozana. A nude ANTI rolled into the ring, but was quickly hit with Jimmy's Harbcore belt. Jimmy stacked two tables on top of each other while ANTI stood around whistling
for ten minutes, as Jimmy lit the tables on fire, and subsequently tossed ANTI onto the first table. Fighting fire with fire, Merogal13 responded by hitting Jimmy in the head with a fire extinguisher. A frantic Jimmy was then trapped in ANTI's Cross Face Chicken-raping Wing in no time, much to the fans' delight. Jimmy countered with a kick to the external crotch region, and followed up with a spinkick. Jimmy went to the outside, vomited, grabbed the
timekeeper's chair and did the Backstreet Boy DACE to huge heel heat. This gave ANTI time to recover and throw Jimmy on top of the flaming tables. ANTI executed a five-star nude frog splash through both tables and the flaming Jimmy, but refused to pin the new champ. ANTI worked over Jimmy with some scintillating penis-butts and several suplexes, and then pulled a jar of Ragu out of his tights, which explains the bulge that was there. ANTI delivered
a double-arm DDT onto the jar of Ragu, and did some dirty celebratory dancing with Merogal. The ANTI One did the ASS TAPPING PORN DANCE, as the bell rang.

Howard Finkel: "The time limit for this match..has EXPIRRRED. Therefore, still GodwinerationX Harbcore champion.. JimmyX..ite."

Man, that sucks for ANTI.

DOAskull, MekZhaoyun, KaneRobot, The AG, & Foleyite Backstage
Foleyite: "Man, it felt good to be back in the mix again last night. I haven't felt a rush like that since I first laid my eyes upon Viscera's virginal black flesh."

Mek: "I'm a Marine and I'm from Milwaukee, but Foleyite is right."

Skull: "I lost my match, but it was still fun. Weren't T0Y and Jobber great? Oh man, Jobber and I used to tease T0Y about her outfits before she went out to cut promos in the old Folepack days. Foley, you should come out with T0Y, Jobber and I for our main event match tonight. It'd be like a mini-reunion."

Foley: "Ehhhhhhh."

Kane: "So fuckin' what. Hey, who drove you guys around in the Hummer?"

::technical difficulties::

The Reunited Princes of the Universe vs. TonyIsDrk & "Handsome" Steven Hovis
Hovis (wearing a purple fedora and a "Where's the Beef" nightgown) and Mek (wearing Transformer Underoos and an Army* helmet) started the match. Homophobic Screaming Guy called Freddy Mercury a faggot, which angered the Princes, and threw them off of their gameplan. Hovis slammed Mek, and did his own version of the Road Dogg's "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It Kneedrop". Sweat flew off of his folds into the first 18 rows. The mammoth Hovis tagged in Drk, and
Drk was TOSed to the canvas by a hardcore Army* manuever from Mek. Kane tagged in, as red lights filled the arena, and creepy music began playing. No, not "Livin' La Vida Loca". Not THAT creepy. SweetLdyCt waddled down the aisle, and somehow set Drunk Guy in Crowd on fire with her mystical powers. A stunned Drk was the recipient of Mek and Kane's double-team-Transformer. Mek pinned Drk for a really,very,very,very big win. The Pumpkin Express were
seen backstage, watching the match on their monitors.

Bibby: "I just don't know, Ryan1960FIIIIIIIIVEYEAHOWWW."

Ryan120Minutes: "Benny, GX is a very open-minded company. They won't mind."

Bibby: "You're probably right. Why are we standing in a broom closet?"

RyanWindows98: "So when we walk out, they can say we came out of the closet."

Bibby: "We're doing a homo angle?"

RyanLivinInThe80s: "No. We're supposed to be putting over our feud with Mek and Kane. Hell, I don't know. It doesn't MACE SENCE to me either."

W46578 & JimmyXite Backstage
W4: "You're sure Davey wanted it this way?"

Jimmy: "Yeah, ::voice cracks:: whatever, man."

W4: "Well, I trust you. Sometimes I feel as if you don't really respect me, though. I can't help but feel somewhat disenchanted with this recent turn of events, and I just hope this does not alter or even ruin our friendship."

Jimmy: "Everaybodaayyy-ahhh..." ::spins chair, sits down and points to imaginary crowd::

W4: "Sigh, talkin' to myself here."

Dead Guy From Suddenly Susan & StevieSlam vs. GUNN & Outkast
It's nice to see that GX is still pushing young, talented, underpushed men and giving them a chance to shine on Sloptro like this. As the bell rang, De la Soul's "Me Myself and I" began playing over the PA at a deafening pitch. GANGWARR and BATTLE MONKEY calmly strolled down the aisle, shaking hands and kissing babies. GANG ordered GX to stop playing the De la Soul, because he was always more of a 3rd Bass man. As the music stopped, BATTLE MONKEY
looked confused. BM hopped into the ring, and chokeslammed all four men in the match to the outside, and then took turns sodomozing them with a Hulk Hogan pen.

GANG: "GX... WELCOME TO YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE."

WCWSchvnne: "Who drove the Hummer? Anybody? I'm begging you. For Christ sake, who drove that Hummer?"

Harry Caray: "The grape Fun Fruits go nicer with the Bud, Schvnne."

BIG BOX MATCH: World champion BAHUMUTH, Intercontinentally challenged champ DaveyDog30, Womyns champ Charisma93 & MattyDog30 vs. GHarb77, DOAskull, Jobber4WCW & Miss T0Y
A gang of druids wheeled a big box to ringside, as the Posse members entered the arena. Mickey Mouse-head balloons fell from the ceiling, as Char and Davey showed fans pictures of their trip to Disneyland. Big pop for Davey flashing in the Splash Mountain pic. Sick. T0Y, Jobber and Skull came out together and reminisced about the good old days.

::glass breaks::

::crowd pops::

GHarb77 looked at an invisible man to his left, took off his Queen Amidala vest, and hit the ring as a giant 8-person brawl broke out. Skull, Jobber,T0Y, Matty and Char brawled on the outside as Davey and Harb traded right hands inside the ring. BAHU relaxed in the corner, and daydreamt about Ricky Fuji playing little 'Muth.

Meanwhile, on the outside...

Skull tricked Matty into leaving the arena, by telling him that RAW was on, as Jobber gorilla-pressed T0Y into Charisma. Jobber made a horrible mistake, by thinking that Skull was serious, and followed Matty to the back.

Back on the inside!

BAHU gave Harb a low-blow from behind, and Davey and everyone's favorite crackbaby double-teamed him. By double-teaming, I do not mean DP. BAHU dragged Harb to the entrance ramp, and tied Harb to the giant P, as T0Y,Jobber and Skull looked on. Davey grabbed the mic:

Davey: "T0Y, I let you keep that title longer than you should have, and I haven't seen so much as a thank you note. I've teased it for long enough. It's time for the MASTER OF CUNNILINGUS to GO DOWN..in history!"

Davey grabbed at T0Y, as both T0Y and Skull tried to push Davey away

WCWSchvnne: "The big box is opening up! Someone's in there! Either that or an electronical device of some sort is causing it to open! MAH GOD MAHirutr9ut9gsrjgsgdgh"

Foleyite emerged from the big box, and slammed a stop-sign disguised as a Little Mermaid poster over Davey's head. Foley rolled Davey into the big box, giving Harb, T0Y, Jobber and Skull an unexpected win.

Skull: "I knew you'd come to your senses!"

T0Y: "You are great, Mr. Foleyite!"

Foley: "This is about me and Davey. Not some lame-ass reunion. Back off."

W46578 Backstage
Howard Finkel: "I had a great time tonight. Wanna come back to my place for...coffee?"

W4: "Oh ho! Sure thing, but I need to straighten something out with Jimmy. Be back in a flash."

Finkel: "Oh, I'd love to straighten something of his out. Would love you to come back and flash, too."

::W4 knocks on the Posse's dressing room door, and hears BAHU and Jimmy talking::

Jimmy: "I think the hardest part was ::voice cracks:: convincing Davey to turn. W4, that was like taking candy from a ::voice cracks:: baby."

BAHU: "But by God, we did it. WE DID IT! WHOO!!!!!!"

Jimmy: "I think this ::voice cracks:: calls for a little celebration.." ::turns volume up on CD player::

::BAHU and Jimmy do the Roger Rabbit, as the Backstreet Boys' "Everybody" plays::

W4: "Davey would have wanted it this way The Rock's ass."

::W4 closes door::

[Fade to black.]