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GX Monday Sloptro
Live from the Superdome in New Orleans,Louisiana
06/28/99
[Disclaimer: Read GX Monday Sloptro's fabulously sexy intro along with the equally sexy {S GX! It's the wav that is sweeping the nation! Well, not really. But I'm supposed to act like it's a big deal and all. Give me a damn break. ]

Footage of Master P & The No Limit Soldiers Arriving In A Limosuine
::KaneRobot does the Brian Christopher strut up to Master P::

Kane: "I'm a BIG, BIG fan. HOOTIE HOO! Could you please sign my CD, gold-tooth rapper guy?"

::P signs Kane's CD with a disgusted look on his face::

::Kane breaks the CD in half, yells several racial slurs and starts singing Danzig's "Mother"::

::close-up of Master P's big, gay, black bodyguard in overalls::

GX INTRO

Posse (BAHUMUTH, DaveyDog30, Charisma93, W46578, JimmyXite, Pumpkin Express,MattyDog30) Interview
Davey: "Well well well. With just two weeks to go until Fully Bloated, where I will prove to everyone that GHarb77 is a small world after all, I've decided to spice things up a bit. Tonight - I am ordering Reverend G Incognto to face BAHU and three partners of BAHU's choice in a loser-is-beaten-to-death-with-a-rag-on-a-stick-match. And Miss T0Y? Miss Too Good For Cunnilingus? You defend the Womyns title TONIGHT, in a match where..if you don't let
Davey into the doghouse, Charisma93 will be crowned the NEW Womyns champion. And lastly, my good pal GHarb77. You will be facing myself, Ahmed Johnson and Sid Eudy in match that will go on until one of us legitimately injures you. And I would suggest ... Sid and Ahmed's track records notwithstanding, that this will be a very short match. Now HIT the POSSE's music."

GHarb77: "Wait just a damn minute here. GX is sick of your biased booking. The Posse's stroke, not unlike Charisma's panty size, just keeps getting bigger. So we're finally gonna do something about it. We went out and we got ourselves a GX Commissioner. And he's someone you damn sure know, Davey. So without further adue."

::"Sexy Boy" starts up::

WCWSchvnne: "MAH GOD!!!!!! SHAWN MICHAELS! SHAWN MICHAELS!"

::"The Heartbreak Kid of AOL" Yuri makes his way down the aisle, doing the HBK Strip DACE. He tries to take his TAZ T-shirt off, but trips on the entrance ramp as he gets the shirt over his head::

WCWSchvnne: "Well.. at least it's not Jimmy Snuka or Sgt. Slaughter."

Davey: "Yuri? I .. I thought you committed suicide?"

Yuri: ::pointing to BAHU:: "WTF this must be your barber. Davy, I've seen your booking and WTF. this is BS. T0Y, G and Harb can all have the night off as far as I'm concernd. As for you Davy, you call yourself the superstar, the main event. Well, you got the main event tonight. U R FACING BAHU. Now HIT MY music."

KaneRobot, Muta4Ever & Outkast vs. The Pumpkin Express
Kane did not look pleased about teaming with the No Talent Soldiers at all, but numbed the pain with a freestyle rap. Overflowing with pride, Outkast and Muta hugged their newfound friend, only to be tossed to the mat. The Pumpkin Express attacked Kane, but Kane fought them all off with right hands and headbutts. Kane chokeslammed everyone in the ring and bellowed a la Paul Wight. As the crowd cheered the big, lovable, sometimes-drunk GXer,
Master P attacked Kane to TOTAL SILENCE. Master P's No Limit Soldiers gang-raped Muta4Ever, as Outkast slid into the ring, out of harm's way. Half the crowd fell asleep. As Master P and Kane duked it out, Outkast hit Master P with a low-blow from behind. Kane thanked Outkast for saving him.

Outkast: "YOU OWE ME."

KaneRobot: "I don't like where this is headed."

Vignette
The words "He's coming" hit the screen, and footage of Yuri's sweatpants are shown, as "The Message" is heard at full volume.

Foleyite, MekZhaoyun, The AG, & DOAskull Visit Cole's Crew Headquarters
Foleyite: "Men.. eh, people. Today we embark on an important mission. We're gonna go...down there.. and declare war on ::southern accent:: Cowl's Crew. ARE YOU READAY!"

::The gang pulls up to Cole's Crew Headquarters in a Hummer ::

DOAskull: "No..trespass.."
Mek: "I CAN'T READ. LET'S GO."
DOAskull: "Can't read? Explain all the magazines in the back then."
Mek: "Those are stroke mags, dude."
Foleyite: "HEY GUYS! JUST WHO IS DRIVING OUR HUMMER!?!?!?!?!?"
Mek: "Dude.."
Foleyite: "I know."

TonyIsDrk (With "Handsome" Steven Hovis & LadyJ5872626) vs. Mr. ANTI
Hovis: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, may I present to you the quintessential facestuf, studmuffin: Steven 'Cybersexual White Chocolate' Hovis. And the man in the ring, weighs in at a chiseled, buff, jacked .. how much DO you weigh, Tony?"

Drk: "I need to lose 10 or 20 pounds still. I'm still a fat piece o' shit."

ANTI: "That's just the way I like it, babycakes!"

ANTI hit the ring, hit Drk with some nasty chops and then stripped down to his birthday suit for no good reason. The nude ANTI stomped at Drk in the corner and set up for the "Bronco Buster", but the wily Drk moved just in time, and ANTI's vulnerable nude twig and berries slammed into the second turnbuckle. Drk set ANTI up for the Drk Valley Driver, but ANTI slid down the back and administered the best DDT seen since Jake Roberts was a raging
smackhead. One. Two. THR, NOP. ANTI hit Drk with a Tiger Suplex and then slapped on his finisher - the dreaded Cross-Face Chicken-Raping Wing. Drk began to fade, and Hovis waddled onto the apron to distract the ref. As the ref's back was turned, JimmyXite entered the ring and sodomized ANTI with a carrot. As ANTI grabbed his bleeding ass, Drk hoisted him up and nailed him with the Drk Valley Driver. After sharing a cupcake with Hovis, the ref turned
around and made the pin. One. Two. Thr, NOP. Several fans vomited, as Hovis began eating the carrot that had just been in ANTI's ass.

Hovis: "What??? Why that look? I haven't eaten in minutes."

ANTI was too busy marking out to this, and was rolled up by Drk for the three-count.

WCWSchvnne: "But the real issue here is - who was driving the Hummer containing Foleyite, Mek, Skull, and the AG?"

Foleyite, MekZhaoyun, The AG, & DOAskull Visit Cole's Crew Headquarters
Black Security Guard: "I'm a big GX fan, but here's what you need to do."

Foleyite: "TES. You tell me what to do, and I'll tell you if I'll do it."

DOAskull: "Hey Captain Stubing, just tell them a certain 2-time Sloppy award winner is here. They LOVE me."

Mek: "Sir, have you been to Bitters? GX has got a nice tower with a big GX logo and big pig on the roof. It's MUCH better than this. This is horrendous."

::The old Folepack theme plays as DOAskull and Foleyite get dirty, old black guys to do crotch-slops::

Miss T0Y Segment
T0Y: "Wooo hooo! Um hi, Mr. Yuri, will you be my partner for Fully Bloated?"

Yuri: ::big splotch appears on crotch of sweatpants::

T0Y: "Uhhhh, is that a yes?"

Yuri: "Sorry T0y, Im just GX commishner now. ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH this sucks brb I need my pills ARRRGGGGGHHHHH WTF MY BRO TOOK MY PILLS AND PUNCHED ME IN THE HEAD THIS IS BS. And then Mom gave us some cake."

T0Y: "......."

World champion BAHUMUTH vs. Intercontinentally challenged champion DaveyDog30 (With Charisma93)
BAHU entered first to tremendous heel heat and chants of "Crackbaby". Davey and Char entered second, to a remix of Hunter Hearst Helmsley's entrance music and "When You Wish Upon a Star". Frightening. Simply frightening. Anyway, BAHU and Davey refused to wrestle each other. The fnas looked to the entranceway, since the GX Commissioner Yuri should probably come out and do something to make them wrestle each other. Anytime now.

FUSS: "yUri u sardincedip, read the damn format"

WCWSchvnne: "Well, obviously the question fans are asking is "WHO was driving that Hummer?"

After taking his Prozac, Yuri finally made it out and told Davey and BAHU that they would be stripped of their respective titles, if they did not wrestle each other. BAHU and Davey sighed Hovis-style, and began wrestling a purely scientific match, which brought on many boos. After 15 minutes of such nonsense, a podium with Reverend G Incognto began to lower from the roof of the Superdome.

G: "BAHUMUTH, my young Fetal Alchol Syndrome having-friend, YOU HAVE SINNED but G-sus looooves you,my brother. And on Kuly 11, I will beat that love into you. It's the Holy Water vs. The Dirty Water. It's ... can someone get this thing down already? I don't wanna pull an Owen."

BAHU, Davey and Char began trying to TOS G off of the podium as it lowered, when TLC's "No Scrubs" came over the PA, and a spotlight hit the rafters. Miss T0Y swung over the crowd a la Shawn Michaels/WM12 all the way to the ring, where she unhooked the harness and landed with a FrankensT0Yner on Charisma. After BAHU and Davey took control of G on the outside, Davey walked to the back.

BAHU: "I have it all under control. Go make sure no one shit in my gym bag or touched my Ricky Fuji sculpture."

::glass breaks::

::crowd pops::

GHarb77 ran from the back and hit Davey with a clothesline to a huge pop, as a steel cage, a giant bull-head, a giant DaveyDog30 symbol and a Blue Blazer mannequin began to lower from the ceiling.

WCWSchvnne: "WE'VE GOTTA GO!!! WE'RE OUTTA TIME!! SIDEWALK SLAM!!! IT'S STIIIIIIIING!!!! BUT THE REAL QUESTION IS WHO WAS DRIVING THE HUMMER!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

FUSS: "ok, that does it, i quit u napy headed roach"

[Fade to black.]