GX MONDAY SLOPTRO
May 17,1999
Live from Whoreatorium in Dallas,Texas
GX Intro
"No Chance in Hell" started up, as BAHUMUTH,Muta4Ever,Outkast
and W46579 entered the arena.
BAHUMUTH: "I'll bring out the Wyngs0Golds boys too, but first I
need to get something off of my chest. When I came on AOL, Foleyite IMed
me. He asked me if I was wearing a toga. A damn toga. It's crap. Do you
think Davey,Jimmy and AA leaving GX and guys like Muta and Outkast comin'
here was a coincidence?? HELL NO. I've been very busy. So without further
adue. Let me bring out a couple of your favorites: Wyngs0Gold I and II,
also known as JimmyXite
and DaveyDog30. HOW DO YA LIKE THAT GX?? HOW DO YA LIKE THAT FOLEYITE??"
Davey: "You know, with Foleyite laid up in a hospital somewhere,
we don't have a booker. The only one with GX booking experience would be....me!!!
I say we let G and Harb get it on one more time here TONIGHT. Oh, don't
misunderstand me! They won't be facing each other. They will be teaming
against Muta & Outkast. And MrPerfectn, you'll get to defend against
Jerry "The King" Lawler in an Eat My Feces Match, and we've got
an old friend to ref that one
for us." Davey winked at Jimmy,who was wearing a nurse outfit for some
strange reason.
Womyns champ Miss T0Y vs. Jade Zhaoyun
T0Y's new entrance music once again pissed off the crowd, except for Lutair.
Jade came out with T0Y and immediately laid down for her after entering
the ring. The crowd was hoping Jade was laying down for T0Y to do something
else, but T0Y simply pinned her to take the win in 5 seconds. As T0Y and
Jade celebrated, T0Y shocked the crowd by hitting Jade with the Superkick
From Hell.
T0Y: "I don't need to whore myself out to the booker. I don't need a wannabe on my back. And I sure as hell don't need any of you scrubs in the audience tonight. But, I'll be at the Marriot Room 208, if anybody wants to ...you know..talk."
King of the Dong Qualifying Match: DrkIsSOP (With LadyJ486576) vs. MekZhaoyun
Drk told the crowd he didn't care about losing his GX title, now that LadyJ
is by his side again. Mek responded by throwing a can at LadyJ and making
Transformer noises. As Mek attempted to transform into Megatron, Drk stomped
his back and followed with a Doctor Bomb. Drk followed up with an elbowdrop,but
missed. Mek worked over Drk with right hands, when The Pumpkin Express appeared
on the GodwinnTron in Mek's dressing room, smashing his
Transformers.
Bibby: "Smashee smashee. Ching chow pa,Zhaoyun."
Ryan: ::puts pin saying "Too cool for this room" on his shirt::
Mek left the ring, giving Drk the count-out win,sending Drk to the King of the Dong slop-per-view.
Charisma93 vs. Merogal13
Char and Mero put friendship aside and tore each others clothes off within
seconds. The crowd went wild for the nude showdown. Several fans complained
that they were hit in the back of the head with a sticky substance during
this match. As Char and Mero bounced, Miss T0Y was seen off to the side
of the entrance ramp,pulling on rope. A tarp fell on top of the ring, covering
up Char and Mero. The crowd booed, as T0Y made her way to the back. Drunk
Guy in Crowd tried to feel her up,but was promptly slapped. T0Y: "Watch
your hands,Buster Brown!!!!"
King of the Dong Qualifying Match: "Handsome" Steven Hovis vs.
KaneRobot
It was the immovable object vs. the irresistible force. Two giants. One
ring. A pair of fat guys in spandex bumping into each other. After several
minutes, The Pumpkin Express appeared on the GodwinnTron in KaneRobot's
dressing room, smashing what appeared to be CDs.
Ryan: "Misfits? Who are they?"
Bibby: "I don't know. Break it."
Ryan: "QUEEN? Haha, sounds pretty gay to me."
Kane punched the side of the ring and then ran to the back to save his Queen albums. Smashing his albums makes Kane emotional. Unfortunately, this means a count-out win for Hovis who advances into the King of the Dong tourney.
World champion MrPerfectn vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler in an
"Eay My Feces Match"
Before the match got underway, JimmyXite appeared at the top of the ramp
to introduce the special referee: Mr. ANTI. ANTI was wearing the infamous
Peter Criss "Chickenman" costume. The match saw Lawler's fistdrop
and piledriver utilized early, only to get a two-count. Perf fired back
with dropkicks and the "Final Fantasy" for a two-count of his
own. Perf felt ANTI's count was slow, and ripped the chickenman suit off
of him,only to reveal
Victoria's Secret.
Lawler: "AAAAGHHH!!!! BRA AND PANTIES!!! BRA AND PANTIES!!!"
As Lawler freaked out over ANTI's undergarments, Perf rolled him up from behind to retain the title at 6:35. Perf pulled his tights down to a nice pop from the "ladies" in the crowd and was ready to defecate into Lawler's mouth, when BAHUMUTH hit the ring. BAHU sent a big,black dildo into Perf's anus and then stole Perf's GX title.
BAHU: "It's my belt! It's my belt!"
G Incognto & GHarb77 vs. Muta4Ever & Outkast
G and Harb bashed each other before the match, but happily teamed up on
Muta and Outkast,once they entered the ring. Harb gave both men the Slop
Cold Stunner and then handed them to G for a Backdrop Driver From Hell.
BAHU came to the ring with W46579,JimmyXite and DaveyDog30, calling Muta
and Outkast a "disgrace". G and Harb left the ring, as BAHU dropped
a "Best of Ricky Fuji" (6 min. long) tape on the canvas.
BAHU: "PICK IT UP,OUTKAST."
Crowd: "DONT DO IT VIRRRGIL"
Outkast: "I'm not picking anything up for you anymore."
SlayJ entered the ring and stole the Fuji tape, as BAHU slapped the taste out of Outkast's mouth.
BAHU: "Know your roles."
Outkast,Muta: "Yes,sir."
Mr. ANTI appeared on the GodwinnTron. Jimmy and BAHU told ANTI to know his role, and forget about how Jimmy ditched him in the tag tournament.
ANTI: "Next week on Sloptro. I'll either shake ya hand,Jimmy. Or I'll bitchslap you, rip ya pants off and rape your ass like a chicken."
Closing Shot
Foleyite is seen in a hospital bed in Bitters,Arkansas as Metallica's "One"
is playing.
DOAskull: "What is he saying?"
Nurse: "He's saying "Help me."
Foleyite: "S...O...S. S......O....S."
DOAskull: "Yeah?"
Nurse: "I think he means S.O.S. Not SOS, as in short for SOSKULL."
DOAskull: "Well. This sucks."
[Fade to black.]