Back

"Montel, is this wrong?"

Oh boy. The show starts off with a Foleyite match and/or interview. ECW's fans will LOVE this guy.

ECW Arena Crowd: "HEY STEVIE YOU'RE SO FINE"

Foleyite: "Wow, ECW's fans are smarter than most. They know my real name, and appreciate my talents, despite me being a heel! Thanks, guys!"

ECW Arena Crowd: "YOU'RE SO FINE YOU SUCK BIG COCK HEY STEVIE"

Foleyite: "Wait just a damn minute here. HEY. I have angles to put over. STOP SINGING THAT. Now that I have the floor.. I really loved last Monday. RAW had a great cage match with the Hardys, Edge and Christian. Nitro .... is still on the air, I assume. And on Sloptro, the Kliq finally sent whatzizname packing for good. And as great as that was? I must admit that I'm just not satisfied. But I will be, for tonight will be AAisWAR's last night in GodwinnerationX. Cry about it."

Sign Guy: ::holds up "CANE FOLEYITE'S UNCLE ALAN" sign::

As Fole left the ring, an obscure and horrible Earth Crisis song brought the diehard fans to their feet, and AAisWAR to the spotlight.

AAisWAR: "So you're challenging me to a loser-leaves-GX match? YOU WANT IT? YOU GOT IT."

Foleyite: "No, no, no! I'm merely a legendary former performer now having fun in a managerial role, my friend. You'll be facing MekZhaoyun in a rematch. And this time, YOUR fate hangs in the balance."

AA: "Jesus H. Chr - fine. Fine. But if I win, ::mock whiny, gay voice:: The Right One will come BACK to the ring and get his ass kicked in a Loser-Leaves-GX Match tomorrow."

Foleyite: "Nice impression of me. Sounded more like Tim Meadows."

AA: "Who the fuck is Tim Meadows?"

World tag team champions W46578 & DOAskull & Jobber4WCW vs. The Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Players
The Arena crowd dug the Not Readies' 'young underdogs' image, and despite their misogynistic remarks that referred to Foleysis, the crowd almost behaved themselves throughout this spectacular six-man match. The cuddly Outkast matched Jobber hold for hold, but after a stiff slap to the eardrum, 'Kast went off the deep end. Fearing that his Radiohead-listening days were over, the jovial youth shot back with some stiff closed fists. Crafty Kliq member that he is, Mr. 4WCW grabbed 'Kast's pants and sent him through the ring ropes. Ignoring the referee's emotional pleas, Jobber and Outkast fought to the entrance ramp. Technically, they were the legal men in the match, so it should have ended on a double-countout. But the ref didn't see it that way, I suppose.

W46578: "They're the legal men. It's a double-countout, isn't it? I mean, it's not like I want the match to end this way, but rules are rules. Sigh, you're so fuckin' crazy, you can't follow the rules."

Carl Hafer: ::rolls up W4, while he quotes John Lennon songs::

ONE. TWO. THREE. Ha. That's the second time that Kuno & Carl have defeated W4 & Skull. Of course, this was a six-man and the tag belts weren't on the line. But, Kuno & Carl can dream. Because by God, this is America. And in America, all two young men really need is a dream.

Straw Hat Guy: "I'm fucked then. REAL fucked."

And whatever became of Outkast and Jobber? The lovely couple were last seen fighting on the entrance ramp. Well, an overzealous Mr. 4WCW ended up tossing 'Kast off of the ramp and into the unforgiving cement floor. However, the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Player's girlfriend Foleysis was there to give Jobber a low-blow. Soon, the Kliqster was hitting the cement floor with a thud, as well. Fans screamed -something not right- when Miss T0Y superkicked 'Sis in the back of the head and threw into the arms of her injured lover. Fans were now chanting -something else that is not right. The Inanimate One waited and waited, and eventually she too was thrown off of the entrance ramp by GX/WWF CEO Vince McMahon.

Vince: "You'll defend that title against a woman tonight, whether you like it or not. AND HOW WILL YOU FEEL WHEN YOU HAVE TO FACE YOUR BROTHER..what's your name?"

T0YBrother #3: "YO I JUST GO BY T0YBROTHER NUMBER 3 BUT A MATCH TWEEN ME AND T0Y AINT EEN SIGNED SO WHATS UP"

Vince: "Well, no, you won't face T0Y tonight or at all. I just like saying that 'how will you feel' line, sorry. But T0Y/Ice is signed for tonight. That should be good."

T0YBrother #3: "WORD"

Earlier This Week, at Outkast's Lovely Home:
Outkast: "Shh. Just listen to this. I love this part."

Foleysis: "We hope you choke? This song is like weird!"

Outkast's Homophobic Dad: "HEY CHRIS, OPEN UP IN THERE. AND TURN THAT BRITISH QUEER SHIT OFF, YOU FLAMER."

Outkast: "DAD, STOP IT. I am NOT gay."

OHD: "Well, you BETTER GET GAY, OR I'LL MAKE YOU GAY."

Foleysis: "O...k, I wanna leave like NOW."

Outkast: "Indeed. This was ..a bad idea. We can leave after my dad stops yelling "AIDS: KILLS FAGS DEAD" ....... yeah, so it'll be a couple of hours yet."

GHarb77, Mr. ANTI & Hardcore Kim - Here We Go Again
Harb: "The Braves are the better team. I'm not saying it to offend you, it's just a fact."

Kim: "The New Jersey Devils are better."

Harb: "That's a different sport."

ANTI: "LMAO! At least Kim's boys are in a real sport. Why don't you go watch your NASCAR, Jethro? LMAO!"

[The ravishing Reverend G Incognto, Mr Perfectn and Malaki100 drive by in a golf cart.]

G: "Harb, ANTI - this isn't like you. You guys need to unleash some of this pent-up anger. How about a four-way match for my Intercontinentally challenged title? Perf and I are trying to get a match signed, but Vince isn't giving it the green light. He loves crap like 'fatal four-ways', so he'll love this. Call it a serendipitous four-way happy funtime adventure and he'll gladly put the stamp of approval on it. It's time to bring some prestige to the ICC belt."

Harb: "I'll do it, as long as a certain someone doesn't interfere. A certain valet in this room. A certain person from NEW JERSEY. A CERTAIN -"

Kim: "Ok,ok. I get the point."

The Zac 'n' Prozac Connection vs. God & Trent Dilfer
Yuri: "Dude, did you hear I entered the Stumble match."

Kane: "Yeah, I know. I entered too. But the bell just rung. Let's concentrate on THIS match, bub."

Yuri: "WTF DUDE. You entered the match? I WON THE F'N THING LAST YEAR. IT'S MY EVENT. ONLY ONE MEMBER OF THE CONNECTION SHOULD BE IN THERE."

Referee: "Sigh, if I let this continue, it's gonna be a long night. We already have Harb and ANTI arguing constantly but remaining friends somehow. Isn't one angle like that ENOUGH? God and Dilfer win this one by forfeit."

God & Trent Dilfer: ::belly-bump::

Womyns champion Miss T0Y vs. IceWolfX69
Finally ending a much-too-long feud, T0Y defeated the Canadian Cripple with the Superkick from Hell within five minutes. Damn you, time restraints. After celebrating her win, T0Y was interrupted by Vince McMahon.

T0Y: "See how easy that was for me?"

Vince: "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. You can be in the Royal Stumble. But I would suggest that the original deal stands. If you can stay in that ring until the thirtieth entrant, you'll never have to defend your Womyns title again. You can retire champion, for all I care. But if you can't make like your hero and STAY UP ALL NIGHT, then you'll defend that title against the number one contender the very next night on Sloptro."

T0Y: "What if I draw #30?"

Vince: "Then I will feel very foolish."

If Mek Wins, AA Leaves GX. If AA Wins, Foleyite Must Face Him in a Loser-Leaves-GX Match on GX's Christmas Special: AAisWAR vs. MekZhaoyun
Ok, AA beat Mek six days ago with relative ease. Actually, Mek beat AA six days ago with relative ease, but I screwed up and I'm not taking the time to hit backspace a bunch of times and correct myself. But this match was in the ECW Arena, where "hardcore" isn't just a lame-ass marketing ploy. Paul Heyman's sheep dug the Earth Crisis because they're used to shitty, obscure metal bands having songs played as entrance music. And they enjoyed AA - a man so hardcore, that he survived being hit by a car, without one single scratch. With the crowd on his side, Y2AA was indestructable. The Marine From Milwaukee punched and kicked to no avail. His chairshots were ineffective, leading to loud chants of "HE'S HARDCORE". And after ducking a Mek clothesline and scoring with a piledriver, AA told a few silly jokes leading to chants of "HE'S RATHER AMUSING". Now it was time for the obligatory table spot of the night. The man who REFUSED to join a certain OTHER online entertaiment group down south brought a table into the ring, but was hammered by Marine forearms before being able to set it up. The Kliq's answer to G.I. Joe powerbombed his opponent into oblivion, and set the table up himself. I believe he wanted to powerbomb AA through the table, but a low-blow prevented him from doing so. AA was the one powerbombing his opponent through the table. AA was also the one falling mouth-first onto his opponent's crotch for the pin. One. Two. Three.

Intercontinentally challenged champion Reverend G Incognto (With Malaki100) vs. Mr. ANTI (With Hardcore Kim) vs. MrPerfectn vs. GHarb77
The fighting champion was happy to start the match with MrPerfectn, bringing to life the match they had wanted to work for a while now. Glorified G took Perf down with a drop toehold and floated over into a front-facelock. After a series of elbows, the Perfect One tried a side suplex. The champ countered with a sunset flip, which Perf blocked for a pinfall. One. Two. No. The ECW Arena crowd politely applauded the exchange, before chanting various not-nice things about Hardcore Kim's alleged sexual proclivities. That is just not right. The two most technically sound performers in online entertainment today continued to put on a wrestling clinic, as Hardcore Kim and Mr. ANTI were seen arguing. As G tagged out to longtime friend GHarb77, the crowd began chanting - sometihng not right- about Mal. But at least they appreciated Perf and Harb's matwork. After a Japanese armdrag knocked the wind out of the Rattleharb, he tagged out to the ANTI One who looked none too pleased to be tagged by the Harbster. But ANTI got in there and mixed it up with Perf, anyway. The hugely over Harb wiped the sweat off of his brow, as Hardcore Kim gravitated towards his corner. The New Jersey Devil yanked on Harb's ankle and the two started talking. ANTI probably would have said something about that, had he not been in a Perfect sleeperhold. Perf might have said sometihng, but the Reverend leapt into the ring and applied a sleeper on him. A three-way sleeper! Despite having seen this a million times, the ECW Arena crowd loved the three-way sleeper and cheered for more. Meanwhile, Kim beckoned Harb and began escorting him to the backstage area. As the two strolled to the back, The Most Lovable ANTI broke the three-way sleeper with a jawbreaker and then made his way to the back.

In Kim's dressing room:

Kim: "Harb.. I've never been with a West Virginian man. Tell me, is your lightsaber as big as they say?"

Harb: "I'm flattered, but I already have some prospects. But I am flattered, really, I am."

Kim: "So I'm not good enough for you because I'm from Jersey?"

Harb: "When did I say that?"

A chair struck the back of Harb's head, and Kim spat on the West Virginia Rattleharb. And who swung that chair? It's pretty obvious that ANTI did it. Because he did, you know. The East Coast couple laughed and stepped on Harb, as they left the building.

WCWSchvnne: "IT WAS A SET-UP, DAMMIT. DAMN YOU, ANTI AND KIM. DAMMIT. I knew we couldn't trust a girl from Jersey. I KNEW IT. HARB'S BARELY MOVING. But wait, he...HE'S WHISPERING SOMETHING IN GAELIC!"

Jerry Lawler: "No, he's quoting 'The Empire Strikes Back'."

Meanwhile in the ring, G and Perf's wrestling clinic was interrupted by a pair of midgets in clown make-up and a bisexual leper singing "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree". Sigh, damn "online entertainment". Frustrated by the constant barrage of silly, hodgepodge comedy, G and Perf aborted their match and with Malaki100 by their side, they rushed to check up on the ol' Harbonator. As the Intercontinentally challenged champion looked for Harb's breastplates to being the CPR process, Harb said one final word.

Harb: "Rosebud."

Harb dropped a snow globe, and it shattered all over the dressing room. Please keep in mind that this will have nothing to do with any upcoming storylines, but the temptation to parody 'Citizen Kane' was just too damn great.

Foleyite Cuts a Promo Backstage, In Front of a Giant GX Banner
Foleyite: "AA, I think to know where I'm coming from, you have to consider where I came from. You see, I signed onto AOL in 1997 and found myself associates with the men that would eventually comprise GodwinnerationX. And I was considered rather amusing. And after my Smell in the Cell bump and after your pal almost killed me, I guess you could say I was 'hardcore'. But see, AA, comedy and wrestling parodies performed over an online service will never be respected. IS THAT ALL I STAND FOR? BEING FUNNY AND PARODYING WWF ANGLES OVER A GODDAMN ONLINE SERVICE? You see, by delivering you to that certain other online organization down south, I'll be saving you from having to EVER say ANYTHING even REMOTELY funny. I'll be saving you from the inane chants of "HE'S HARDCORE" and "HE'S RATHER AMUSING". And by delivering you to Uncle Guy Who Runs That Other Organization Down South, not only will you be saving your career... but you'll be saving mine. You'll be saving....mine. YOU'LL BE SAVING....mine."

1999. GX. All rights reserved.