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WCWSchvnne: "Maybe it's because of the holiday season. Maybe they're trying to stack the odds in their favor for the Royal Stumble. Whatever it is, the Kliq has never been more united. Dammit all it hell."

Jerry Lawler: "The Kliq being united like this makes me sick. What's next? The return of the Varsity Club?!?! Ah boy, I need some morphine. Are we off the air yet? These pants are really chafin' me."

WCWSchvnne: "Pretty good job. I think everyone's angles got put over really well on tonight's show. Uh oh. Did Foleyite just collapse on the ramp?"

Jerry Lawler: "I just heard Jobber scream that someone hit him. I think we've got a crazy fan. Or Morgana the kissing bandit made her GX debut and Foley pretended to faint to avoid a kiss, because he is gay."

WCWSchvnne: "Isn't that AA? HAHA. He just got hit by a damn car 24 hours ago, and now he's kicking the crap out of Foley! You don't see Steve Austin doing that."

Crowd: "HE"S HARDCORE. HE'S HARDCORE."

Smart Mark in Crowd: "IT'S A SHOOT! IT'S A SHOOT! IT'S A TOTAL SHOOT!"

IceWolfX69 vs. TThe debuting New Jersey Devil
As ANTI's valet, we've seen the Devil get involved in matches. We've seen her get involved with elephant genitalia. But, this marks the first time we've ever seen her in action. Wrestling action. Sporting a devil costume and a New Jersey Devils Jersey, Kim helped raise Rick Parka's ego a notch. Sporting a navy blue sweatshirt and parachute pants, Ice helped.. I don't know. No one was shocked when Ice womanhandled the New Jersey Devil, ruling the match from pillar to post. But when Canadian Bacon took the war (which is an analogy for "war") to the crowd, she was as surprised as anyone when Kim fought back, and did so with vigor. Kim knew how to swing a chair and was unafraid to swing it into Ice's meaty thighs. (Hey, you don't become a fan of Hardcore Holly's and a valet of Mr. ANTI's without some kind of hardcore background.) Most of the fans refused to take a woman in a devil costume seriously, but these are people who marked out for Principal McRigsby. When the match resumed in the ring, Kim ripped her devil costume off, despite having nothing underneath except -

Jerry Lawler: "BRA AND PANTIES! BRA AND PANTIES! Now THAT'S a greetings from Asbury Park, Schvnne!"

Now scantily-clad, the audience suddenly had no problem "taking Kim seriously" and whooped it up, applauding and whistling for the rest of the match. Our nymphomaniac of a referee was also delighted by Kim's wardrobe change and asked her out for coffee. While trying to convince her that he was her type, the ref missed Malaki100 entering the ring and smashing a guitar full of baby powder over Ice's head. Kim didn't miss it. With a lateral press, the ANTI One's valet pulled off one of the biggest upsets in the history of the Womyns division.

Mean Gene: "New Jersey Devil, you actually managed to defeat Ice in your wrestling debut. And it sounds like everyone's in love with the devil gimmick! That devil costume really got you over. Listen to these fans!"

New Jersey Devil: "Well, I am a devilish woman, I guess. And Ice can go to hell. Ugh, I can't do this. These lines are horrible."

Woman Unseen By Camera: "KIM. KIM, WE'RE LIVE."

World tag team championsW46578 & DOAskull Work the Mic
W4: "Well, all those Doubting Thomases out there who thought our win streak was over at Snowed In, are eating raven now."

Skull: "Crow. The expression's "eating crow"."

W4: "Yeah, I know. I'm just saying that our critics are probably gay men who are eating Scott Levy, better known as Raven, at this moment. We are the only four-time tag team champions in the history of GX. There's no question. We're the greatest tag team EVER."

Kuno Powers: "Umm, excuse me, but people think we're just jobbers and WE beat you guys. So either we're better than people think, or you guys aren't so great. Or both. Carl and I have beaten you before. Who's to say we won't do it again? Put your titles on the line, and put your mouths where my money is." ::tapes 5 dollar bill to crotch and crotch slops::

Skull: "Sorry, but we have Kane and Yuri tonight. Besides, you're just not ready to be championship material! Cry about it. HAHA, Kuno's already crying about it!"

Carl Hafer: "Guys, ease up. He's still a little upset over Shirley Hemphill passing on."

W4: "Who the hell is Shirley Hemphill?"

Kuno Powers: "She starred in a hilarious sitcom. What's Happening."

W4: "Nothing now. SHE'S DEAD. HAHAHAHA! GET IT? NOTHING'S HAPENNING."

Skull: "AHHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kuno: ::whispers to self:: "Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Womyns champion Miss T0Y (With Jobber4WCW) vs. Foleyite (With Jobber4WCW)
After claiming that GX's fans are sexists who don't appreciate talent, Foley and the Inanimate One locked up. The Right One attempted a bodyslam, but acted as if he couldn't pick his fellow Kliq member up and let her fall on top of him for the pin. One. Two. Three.

T0Y: "Oh, so you think I'm fat then?"

Foley: "Don't be ridiculous. You look great. And Jobber's looking ESPECIALLY handsome. And these drawstring alligator pants I found at the Little Outlet are to DIE FOR. We're ALL lookin' good. And I just put another future superstar over here tonight, in case no one noticed. I have an ego? Ego my ass. And Foleysis will break up with Outkast, after I made a fool of him at Snowed In...oh man, life is good!"

Jobber: "Um, Foleysis is moving in with 'Kast. I just heard the news this morning. She's leaving tonight."

Foley: "Sigh. Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more."

AAisWAR: "You'd know, you pansy."

Y2AA snuck up behind Foleyite and began violently kicking The Right One. T0Y, Jobber and thirty-three officials (including the WWF Official That Somewhat Resembles Tom Petty) broke up the fight. After screaming like a woman, Foley criticized the crowd for their chants of "HE'S HARDCORE".

AA: "I know you hit me with that car, fag."

Foley: "Did not. I know who did it, and it wasn't me."

AA: "Yeah, like there's ANOTHER faggy blonde guy with a tiny head in GX."

Foley: "I have a tiny head?"

AA: "Down there, you do."

MrPerfectn - HE'S ON A MISSIOOOOOOON!
Perf: "G, have you seen McMahon around?"

G: "He was here just a minute ago, getting coffee. Have you notcied how much coffee the guy drinks? No wonder he gets all worked up in his interviews. Coffee is like heroin to the guy."

Perf: "Did you see what he pulled at Snowed In? A sailor caused me to lose the match. And I think there was a guy in a chicken suit or something. Just absurd. G, you're a good worker. Why don't we see if Vince will let us work a match with each other? For your title, non-title, whatever. It'd be a friendly classic."

G: "Good idea. I mean, I like this online entertainment stuff as much as the next guy, but Vince goes too far. BM raping Ed Norton? Norton was good in "American History X", and even in the somewhat-campy "Primal Fear". We should have had BM rape C. Thomas Howell or Ron Pallilo."

Perf: "YES, SIR. I HAVE A MATCH FOR YOU NOW, VINCE. YES, SIR! YOUR WIFE IS ... BAD. YES, SIR!"

G: "Um..ok. Take care, man."

Roddy Piper: ::shakes head::

World tag team champions W46578 & DOAskull vs. KaneRobot & Yuri
The beloved Zac and Prozac Connection were well-received as per usual, even though Yuri demanded to walk in front of Kane and nearly started a fight with his Hanson-loving companion. W4 & Skull, though they may be arrogant, cruel, and a little too obsessed with The Beatles, were as tight as ever. Tight as in being in a close, platonic friendship. The bell sounded, and the Heartbreak Kid of AOL and DOA engaged in the old test of strength time-killer. Kuno Powers & Carl Hafer watched the match from the entrance ramp. Those guys really do their homework.

Kuno: "I thought you said ALF would be out here?"

Carl: "I was just kidding. I was TRYING to cheer you up."

Kuno: "Forget it. Let's go watch some more What's Happening."

Carl: "But it's boring to me."

Kuno: "Hey HEY hey! How can you NOT laugh at that? Come on, Carl! Live a little!"

I guess they only needed to see the opening moments of the match to get a feel for W4 & Skull's style. In the ring, Yuri was dazzling fans with his crusty Gecko pants and his wide array of submission holds he learned from overrated wrestlers he admires. After leapfrogging over one-half of the Tag Team of the Year (PWI does NOT lie), Skull tagged W4 in. Kane called for a tag, but his partner said he was still healthy enough to carry the match. After Yuri took a big splash, a shoulderblock and a powerslam, Kane once again asked for the tag. After being refused, KR stepped over the top rope and shoved his partner into a W4 roll-up. One. Two. Three. The Tag Team of the Year retains the belts and wins A GANE.

Yuri: "WTF. Thanks a lot for costing us the match."

Kane: "YOU cost us the match, by refusing to make any tags. It's a TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH, bub."

Yuri: "Well, I'm bigger than the tag titles anyway, dude. I'm World title-caliber."

Kane: "Yeah right, and I'm wearing underwear."

"Mean" Gene Catches Up With the New Jersey Devil Backstage
Gene: "Devil, you broke character out there and caused Woman Unseen By Camera to speak. She hasn't spoken since the Chaz thing. And before that, all she could muster was a scream during a Mick Foley promo!"

NJD: "You watch a little too much RAW for someone under contract to WCW, don't you? Anyway, I don't want to use lame devil puns and play dress-up. I'm just a girl from Jersey who wants to have fun!"

Gene: "Sigh. There goes YOUR career."

Vince McMahon Saunters on Up to Miss T0Y
Vince: "T0Y, I would suggest that you need to think about changing your ways. Have you seen the matches Kim, Ice and Mal have been working? They're incredible. We could actually have a decent division here, if our champion was half as respectable as she and her "Kliq" claim to be."

T0Y: "Maybe I'm sick of wrestling the same women every once in a while. What's wrong with a woman who's talented enough to beat the guys? Chyna does it."

Vince: "Chyna ... I would suggest that she is a different breed altogether."

Chyna: "Tho I'm a DOG to you, Vince?"

Vince: "Now I didn't say that, did I? How did you get in here, anyhow?"

Chyna: "What, just because I'm a woman, you think I can't find my way onto a GX post? Don't treat me like a woman. Don't treat me like a man."

Vince: ::Flash Funk dance::

T0Y: "Umm.. I think I'm gonna get going now."

GHarb77 & Mr. ANTI (With the repackaged Hardcore Kim) vs. MekZhaoyun & Harbcore champion Pete Lothario
The West Virginia Rattleharb started this slobberknocker like he starts most of his matches. Who knows why throwing a vest into the crowd and punching a guy is loved by so many? The formula works and that's all that matters. Lothario was the one rolling with the punches, and was the one who was dragged by his hair into the faces' corner. The ANTI One was tagged in and the Most Lovable Man in GX did a little Prince dance, before chopping the new Harbcore champ to the mat. Known for entertaining fans with his shocking antics, ANTI shocked us like he never has before by taking his work seriously and using a predominantly Greco-Roman technique on Lothario. Of course, fans were paying more attention to Hardcore Kim, who was now repackaged and wearing a faded "Born in the U.S.A." T-shirt and cut-off jeans. Call me crazy, but fans just get too weird when it comes to creating chants to get women to show a little skin in these times.

Crowd: "BADLANDS YOU GOTTA LIVE IT EVERY DAY LET THE BROKEN HEARTS STAND AS THE PRICE WE GOTTA PAY WE'LL KEEP PUSHIN' 'TIL IT'S UNDERSTOOD AND THESE BADLANDS START TREATING US GOOD WHOA OH OH OH" ::clap clap clap clap clap::

After slapping an ankle-lock submission on Lothario, ANTI screamed "LMAO BABYCAKES!" and fans paid attention to the match again. The Marine from Milwaukee hopped over the top rope and broke the hold with a dropkick to ANTI's face. A re-energized Harb entered the ring and a four-way melee soon followed.

ANTI: "KIM! THROW MR. COCKO IN HERE! LMAO!"

Kim sure did throw Mr. Cocko in there. And Mr. Cocko sure did land on Harb's back. Mek quickly pinned the former World champion, as Lothario grabbed ANTI's pants to keep him from breaking up the pin. One. Two. Three. The ANTI One and Hardcore Kim awakened Harb with a cup of stone-cold water, and helped him to his feet.

Harb: "We lost. I'm rarely pinned. I have a pretty good record in GX. And I just got pinned by Mek, an upper mid-carder, at best."

ANTI: "You've gotta learn to laugh at life! You lost thanks to a giant elephant penis! LMAO!"

Harb: "Hilarious. Really fucking hilarious. Why don't you and your kayfabe-breaking bitch just leave me the fuck alone from now on?"

ANTI: "LMAO!"

Harb: "......"

The Kliq Says Farewell to Foleysis
T0YBrother #4: "SUNDAY MO'NIN AT FIVE O CLOCK SHE IS FAR AWAY."

T0YBrother#1: "WAITING TO KEEP THE APPOINTMENT SHE MADE"

T0YBrother#2: "YO HOURS FROM NOW SHE'LL GET LAID"

Foleyite: "DUDE. She's STILL my little sister. Watch the language."

Jobber4WCW: "Sheeeeee.."

W4, Skull, Mek: "What did we do that was wrong?"

Jobber: "Is having."

W4, Skull, Mek: "We didn't know it was wrong."

Jobber: "Fuuuuuuuuuuun."

W4, Skull, Mek: "Fun is the one thing that money can't buy."

T0YBrothers #1-4: "SOMETHING INSIDE THAT WAS ALWAYS DENIED FO' SO MANY YEARS."

Jobber: "She's leaving home."

W4, Skull, Mek: "Bye bye."

Puff Daddy, at the console: "Dope. Now let's lay it down over the chorus of a They Might Be Giants Song."

Kliq: "NO."

[Fade to black.]