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Malaki100 Finally Has Her Say
Mal: "Wow, it feels weird to actually get some mic time. How do you feel, Bitters?"

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "WHOOOOOO GREAT YOU SHOULD BE MASTURBATING BY NOW"

Mal: "I'll try to ignore the man living his life in an alchoholic haze, thank you very much. Anyway, it seems as if everybody in the company wants a shot at Battle Monkey and the World title. And it's all up to you, Vince. No one envies you. It's a tough decision to make. But I truly feel that nobody has worked harder than G to get to the top of this company. Vince, do the right thing. I guess that's all. Oh, and Liz Hurley's hot."

Drunk Guy in Crowd: "YES!"

Mal: "Ugh, bunch o' perverts in this town."

"The Greatest Tag Team in GX History" W46578 & DOAskull vs. The Jesus Twins
W4: "I'd just like to point out that not only are we the greatest tag team in GX history, but we're more over than Jesus. And we're definitely more over than The Jesus Twins. Give me a break. Even Kenneth Keith Kallenbach gets more heat than you guys."

The Twins scored with a pair of dropkicks and set the self-proclaimed icons up for a pair of BIIIIIG back body drops. Skull attempted a sunset flip, as W4 brought The Other Jesus Twin down with a double-arm DDT. The Other Other Jesus Twin flailed his arms and tried his hardest to avoid being pinned with a crappy sunset flip. The W4rrior then ran the ropes and launched himself into the Twin with a flying shoulderblock, giving Skull the sunset flip for a two-count. The Brahma Skull held on to his legs as his Beatles-lovin' partner executed the patented big splash. W4 cut the Other Jesus Twin off with an elbow, as Skull rolled onto the other guy for the three-count. We actually had a clean tag team match with no comic relief, no run-ins and no strange quips from people in the crowd.

Drunk Guy In Crowd: "YEP THAT SUCKED ASS"

DAMN YOU ONLINE ENTERTAINMENT FANS. DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Vince McMahon's Got a Lot of 'Splainin To Do
Vince: "Over the past week, after much deliberation, I would suggest that I have not come to a conclusion, as far as the main event for our next slop-per-view, GX Snowed In, is concerned. Ms. Malaki and Mr. Incognto have some valid points. Then again, so do MrPerfectn, GHarb77, AAisWAR, DesDev and Mr. ANTI. But, I have begun a process of elimination. And though it pains me to do so, I have eliminated one contender from the list."

Metallica's "Seek and Destroy" (Which is NOT as good as Iggy and the Stooges' "SEARCH and Destroy". I'm SORRY, but it's a FACT.) began to play, and the mysterious DesDev made an unusually casual entrance from the back.

Des: "Vince, you tortured us with the Goobbledy Gooker. You mocked our intelligence with Friar Ferguson. You claim to give the fans what they want. Give them the match of the century. BATTLE MONKEY. DESDEV. WORLD TITLE ON THE LINE. GX SNOWED IN."

Vince: "Actually, you're the first person I've eliminated from the list of contenders. You haven't wrestled often enough to deserve this opportunity. And if you spend one more month in the rafters, your heat will dry up faster than you can say 'Chavo Guerrero'. HOWEVER, Royal Stumble 2000 is just around the corner, and the winner of the Stumble match will receive a World title shot at our 2nd annual Sloppamania."

Des: "So I've got a spot in the Stumble?"

Vince: "Well...no. You'll have to defeat a suitable opponent to get that."

Des: "If my opponent is the severed head of Gorilla Monsoon, I'm going to be very upset."

KunoPowers & Carl Hafer Partake in Some Locker Room Talk, as They Head to the Ring
Kuno: "Dude, I talked to Outkast last night. He finally lost it."

Carl: "Lost it? You mean...OH MY GOD! He and Foleysis..WHOA."

Kuno: "Oh yeah. He was going insane about it, too. Gave me a whole bunch of details I didn't even want to hear, man."

As Kuno and Carl begin their trip to the ring, Foleyite is seen hiding behind their dressing room door. Foley punches the wall a la KaneRobot, but hurts his delicate hand and weeps. The wall was not harmed, during the filming of this segment.

Oppurtunity Knocks Battle Royal: Featuring Kuno Powers, Carl Hafer, Christopher Lowell, Rick Parka, God, Trent Dilfer, Andy Kaufman & Dead Guy from Suddenly Susan
All eight men in this encounter gave their all the second the bell rang. Except for Andy Kaufman. Andy eliminated himself from the match, and then claimed that everyone in the building had just been "Kaufmanized". Dead Guy From Suddenly Susan, who was recently featured on 20/20, surprised everyone by hanging in there for ten minutes. After his prime-time appearance, is he on the verge of a push? Maybe, but God was none too happy about sharing a ring with someone who committed suicide. Dead Guy was condemned to hell and eliminated with a clothesline. God then formed an alliance with Trent Dilfer, and the twosome eliminated the promising young team of Kuno Powers and Carl Hafer. Fearing that Christians might be right about God's views on homosexuality, Christopher Lowell screamed like a little girl and eliminated himself, leaving Rick Parka all alone with the dominant duo of God and Trent Dilfer.

Parka: "God, you're the only person who can get this peanut costume off of my ass. Please use your powers for good instead of evil?"

God: "No."

God and Dilfer dumped the unlucky Parka over the top rope, and declared themselves co-winners.

Lowell: "Rick! Rick! Over heee--ere! You may not be able to get that peanut costume off, but we can always accentuate the positives. I know. You're thinking "losing weight and going shopping with Chris Lowell, UGH", but TRUST ME!"

Another Open Challenge from The ANTI One?
ANTI: "I keep makin' open challenges, and fudgepackers keep accepting them. Now who wants to go one one one with The ANTI One? COME ON DOWN!"

The ripping guitars from Hardcore Holly's entrance music began to play, and the crowd went nuts. Two lovable hardcore legends in the same ring? Only in GX, baby.

Harbcore champion Mr. ANTI vs. Hardcore Holly
Holly punished AOL's Most Lovable Man with clotheslines and crisp dropkicks. The controversial Harbcore champion fought back with bitchslaps and various moves that involved his genitals. ANTI's bravery was something to admired, but his success left a lot to be desired. (That was a rhyme, Ice, NOT a rap.) The champ quickly fell prey to a devastating table spot and was now just a warm-up for the WWF superstar. Holly powerbombed the lovable Vegas resident through a pair of chairs, and followed it up with the Hollycaust. Holly was a shoo-in to win the title at this point, but he felt like dragging the match out for a bit. The former Thurman Sparky Sparkplugg Hollybob executed a trio of dragon suplexes, but was prevented from doing a fourth by a crazed woman wearing a 1995 Bob Holly T-shirt.

Crazed Woman: "Holly, you truly are hardcore. Hi! My name is Kim and I'm a big fan and all, but don't ya think you're getting TOO hardcore?"

Holly: "Not really, but this guy doesn't fit the superheavyweight requirements. Plus, his insistence on showing me some pictures backstage was frightening, to say the least. Bye."

When ANTI came to, he grabbed a mic but was taken aback by the latest female to grace the GX rings.

ANTI: "Fans, do ya like what ya see? LMAO! UNCLE ANTI'S FOUND A PLAYMATE!"

Kim and ANTI did the Jerry Lewis, as The Godfather's theme played us out. Being from Jersey ain't easy.

Foleyite Gets By With a Little Help From His Friends
Foley: "Hey guys, I REALLY need to..what are you watching?"

T0Y Brother #1: "This new VH1 show, "The List". It's almost as addictive as "Behind the Music". Almost. The topic for tonight is "Sexiest Male Artist". Yikes."

Foley: "GEORGE MICHAEL. Wait, no, FREDDY MERCURY!"

T0Y Brothers: "......."

Foley: "Anyway....I overheard the Not-Readies talking. Apparently, Outkast and sis have....... done the deed."

T0Y Brother #4: "......"

T0Y Brother #2: "THEY GOT THEYS FREAK ON"

T0Y Brother #4: "Ohhhhhhh. Ok, that makes more sense. Want us to beat his ass for you?"

Foley: "I think it's about time there was some payback. We all know what it's like to see our little sister fall head-over-heels for some loser guy. This will be for every bitter older brother who's ever had to put up with this crap. Tonight we get revenge. Tonight....is our Independence Night."

World tag team champions KaneRobot & Yuri vs. MekZhaoyun & Pete Lothario
Kane: "Wait up. Last Monday, my partner was raped by Battle Monkey. After I stopped laughing, I was appalled. Yuri may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I don't think anyone deserves that. Therefore, I'm challenging Battle Monkey to a World title match tomorrow night."

Yuri: "thanks dude for your support a lot of people dont reealize that YURI GETS THE JOB DONE being glam isnt just a lifestyle is an F'N ADVENTURE!!! you know all the smart marks on the internet can say what they want but they know who thte true icon is the legend the Heartbreak Kid of AOL so dont judge a book by its cover because youll end missing a few pages AND THEN MOM GAVE US SOME CAKE"

Smart Mark in Crowd: "Wow, he's really shooting. I've heard things about the backstage politics in GX. That was a shoot just now! Seriously!"

Yuri and Mek, who will meet at GX Snowed In in a few weeks, started the match off. The Marine from Milwaukee had a distinct power advantage, but Yuri's speed and HEART evened things up. And although they form a strange team, Yuri and Kane utilized quick tags and kept the match in their corner for the majority of the bout. At 5:15, Yuri attempted to slap a sharpshooter on the Man from Milwaukee, but was stopped short by the EYERAKE OF DEATH. Mek made the cold tag to Lothario, and the son of Jose pulled a hickory stick out of his tights and began beating the Heartbreak Kid of AOL. The champs retain the belts via disqualification, of course.

Mek: "Dude, "Heartbreak Kid of AOL"? You're not even Heartbreak Kid of your own sweatpants. GLAM's not an adventure. It's a dead era in music that we'd all like to forget. Why don't you listen to some Beatles, for Lennon's sake?"

The Impish Players continued to assault the young icon, as big KR watched from the corner. Would he risk his badass reputation for the kid with a HEART so big it could crush this town? Or would he walk away? Well, he walked away, but felt pretty about the situation. In defense of the Big Hanson-lovin' Machine, he's got bigger things to worry about..... IN HIS PANTS. Sorry. But he does have bigger things to worry about. Such as Battle Monkey.

Foleyite & The T0Y Brothers Break Outkast's Dressing Room Door DOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN
Foley: "The jig is up, you Thom Yorke wannabe. IT'S TIME FOR...."

T0Y Brother #2: "Looks like 'Kast already took off for the night. Sheeeeeeet."

T0Y Brother #3: "TV Guide says that VH1's having a "Storytellers" marathon tonight."

T0Y Brother #2: "What are we doing? BACK TO THE TV!"

Foley stays in Outkast's dressing room, as the T0Y Brothers rush to catch Meatloaf's "Storytellers". Radiohead's "Just" begins playing, as the furious Right One trashes the dressing room. After Fole leaves the pigsty, the camera zooms in on a shattered framed picture. Upon further inspection, we see that it is a picture of Outkast and Foleysis smiling and holding hands.

"You do it to yourself. You do, and that's what really hurts."

[Fade to black.]