LIVE FROM THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
10/17/99
GHarb77 Enjoys a Cool Beverage Backstage
WCWSchvnne: "Tonight, the WORLD CHAMP confronts the one and only.."
Harb: "I'm not on Heat. I'm main eventing Sloptro with AA. The World champ doesn't appear on the number-two show, Schvnne."
Jerry Lawler: "Harb, last Monday, the lights went out ..and you were attacked. What can you tell us?"
Harb: "Well, George Lucas didn't write the Star..oh, about last week's Sloptro. Well, the obvious choice is Des, since he stood above me AFTER the attack. But with the foreshadowing at Gettysburg Havoc, I guess we can't rule out Foleyite, AA, Battle Monkey and Pete Lothario."
Lawler: "Pete Lothario? AAAAGHHHH!!!!!!"
Harb: "Haha."
Handicap Match: Battle Monkey vs. G.Q. Masters
III & Black Guy Who Just Graduated
For five BO-RING minutes, GX fans tolerated the sweet melodies of Erik B.
and Rakim, as Battle Monkey slowly made his way to the ring. His opponents
quivered and discussed the upcoming match, as the song abruptly came to
a halt.
Black Guy Who Just Graduated: "G.Q., I must admiss that I am a little nervious about facing Battle Monkey."
G.Q.: "Don't worry about it. If he doesn't do like we planned backstage, we'll kick the shit out of him. And if he DOES do like we planned backstage, we'l kick the shit out of him!"
BM: "Daaaah, I HEARD that."
Yeeeah.....that is not good. BM grabbed the underachieving tag team by the throats and tossed them onto their shapely bottoms. The crowd said "OOOOH" VERY LOUDLY. The sloppy BM then powerbombed G.Q. onto his educated, young friend for the three-count.
BM: "My record is like 99-0 or something by now. Well, it's not THAT good but still. I am undefeated. Vince McMahon, I am giving you one month to give me a World title shot. If you do not give me what is rightfully mine, I will jump ship to another online promotion or something."
Vince McMahon: "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BATTLE MONKEY. You should have yelled "Vince McMahon", "one month" and "World title shot". That would have sold the whole thing. And I don't see what you've done to deserve anything. I've seen you committ ASSAULT, BM. I've seen you committ RAPE. You're getting ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. See how I emphasize the ending word in my sentences? Try it. Your micwork's improved, but you're still no Ken Shamrock, mmkay?"
Foleyite Looks Like He's About to Cry in
the Kliq Locker Room
Mek: "Dude, what's wrong?"
Foley: "Popular Kid in Crowd and Foleysis. And Outkast has a crush on her, as well. OUTKAST, for Holly sake."
Mek: "Look, I may be a Marine from Milwaukee, but I know how it is. My little sister's becoming a damn slut. Dude, it's sick. Foleysis is gonna end up like her. I know it."
Foley: "This is NOT helping."
T0Y Brother #3: "Relax, Fole. You can't stop your little sister from growing up. Hell, there were times when me and the Brothers got stressed out over similar situations with T0Y. But, you learn how to deal with it."
Foley: "Hey, why aren't you yelling in ebonics?"
T0Y Brother #2: "That is merely our gimmick, my friend."
Mek: "What we need to do is beat Popular Kid and Outkast's asses up."
T0Y Brother #1: "Mek, you know that violence never solves anything."
Mek: "But T0Y brought you guys here to beat me and Foley up, so we'd stop giving her a hard time. Don't you think you're being a tad hypocritical?"
T0Y Brother #1: "LOOK PONKASS VIOLENCE AINT EEN GON SOLVE A DAYUM THANG YOU UNNASTAND ME MEK?"
Womyns champion Miss T0Y vs. Foleysis
Foleysis: "T0Y, I've like never even wrestled before. And I wanna go
out with Popular Kid in Crowd tonight. So is it like ok if I like forfeit
this match?"
T0Y: "Aww, Foleysis, I wouldn't hurt you. Go on. Get ready for your date!"
Foleysis: "Thanks T0Y! I'll like make it up to ya sometime!"
Foleyite made his way to the ring, shook his ass, and then spoke words of wisdom.. let it be.
T0Y: "Mr. Foleyite.. two months and running.. still Womyns champ!"
Foleyite: "Yeah, that's great and all. You have this thing to IceWolf to worry about, so stay out of this stuff with Foleysis. Just don't encourage my sister like that, ok."
T0Y: "Encourage her? Excuse your sister for growing up."
Foley: "I just don't want her to end up like Mek's whore of a sister. Damn."
T0Y: "Judging by your attitude about all this, maybe YOU'RE the one who needs to grow up."
Jerry Lawler: "AAAAAAGH!!!!! I can't believe she said that to Foleyite!"
WCWSchvnne: "That ruled."
Popular Kid in Crowd & Foleysis Share
a Moment Backstage
PKIC: "Yeah..I've had sex with 567 women by now. I'm pretty good."
Foleysis: "What's it like?"
PKIC: "Uhhhhhh..I don't know. It's like sexual and stuff."
Foleysis: "Haha, you're a virgin. That's ok. I wouldn't be impressed by you having lots of sex, anyway."
PKIC: "WHAT'D YOU JUST CALL ME? I think it's time for you to go home and play with your My Little Pony collection, toots. We're THROUGH. HIT THE BRICKS, FOLEYSIS."
::Foleysis runs away in tears, and bumps into a certain someone::
Rick Parka: "I CANT SEE FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST PLEASE HELP ME"
Foleysis: "EWW! NO MEANS NO, MISTER!"
::Foleysis sprays mace into the costume's eyeholes and beats the helpless Parka down, before running away in tears::
Reverend G Incognto (With Malaki100) vs.
Steve Case (With IceWolfX69)
The adorable couple of G and Mal were given a standing ovation, making it
clear that G is one over motherfucker. (Polls don't lie, baby.) Several
fanatics had signs reading "G IS GOD", but the Reverend was quick
to correct them.
G: "Well, the thought is very nice. But God is my tag team partner. We're not the same person. You crazy kids!"
Nobody had signs reading "Steve Case is God", and Case wasn't above insulting the crowd for their lack of appreciating for he and Ice. Nor he was above insulting his opponent for the night.
Case: "Malaki, how does it feel to be a has-been at ..whatever age you are? G? I feel sorry for you, because you have talent. Not very much, and your talent is collecting a bunch of cards, but hey. We can't all be STEVE CASE. So why don't you revert to your old habits, sort some commons, and take your hooker with you?"
A FURIOUS G slapped the taste out of Case's mouth, and worked over the arrogant sombitch with some vicious Ric Flair-esque chops. Case fired back with some chops of his own and pulled the ref aside to whine that G had pulled his hair. With the ref distracted, IceWolf leapt into the ring and tossed powered donut powder into the Reverend's eyes. Case rolled up the blinded G for a near-fall. Case continued to work over G with some chops, when AOL's Most Lovable Man made a shocking appearance on the GodwinnTron.
ANTI: "We can't all be Steve Case? LMAO! We can't all have a wife that looks like THIS, BABYCAKES? LMAO!!!!"
Polaroids of a 400-pound woman leaping into a kiddie pool filled with tapioca pudding was featured on the GodwinnTron, and fans peed their pants with laughter. As Case tasted his own medicine, G nailed him with a German suplex. ONE. TWO. THREE. G may not be the Intercontinentally challenged champion..but.. well.. he won a pretty cool match. Yeah.
::cough::
AAisWAR Sits in a Tiny Desk in a Southern California Classroom
AA: "Sick. Remember second grade, Foleyite? Yeah, you really knew your
way around the handball court. You had quite the winning streak going. And
what happened? You lost to the fat kid with huge teeth who couldn't play
worth a crap, and ran away like a pussy. Those chants of "SISSY"
really got to you, didn't they? I STARTED THAT CHANT, FOLEYITE. IT WAS ME.
So when I heard that it was 'your time' here in GX, well, history had to
repeat itself. And when you and I TANGLE AGAIN? Dude, hold up. I'm stuck
in the chair. Fuck these tiny desks. Late."
::Camera zooms in on the chalkboard, where "I hate Foleyite" is written several hundred times::
KaneRobot (With Yuri) vs. MekZhaoyun
In a rematch from Gettysburg Havoc, the former Princes of the Universe did
battle once again, this time with YURI at ringside. Yuri became Kane's head
cheerleader, as soon as the bell rang. It was a little distracting, and
Mek quickly took control of the match. Mek hit the burly KR with a dropkick,
and Yuri's friend 'til the end rolled to the outside.
Mek: "I'm a Marine, and I'm FROM.."
Crowd: "MILWAUKEE!!!!!!!!"
WCWSchvnne: "He's a HEEL, you fucking idiots. Damn, I hate wrestling fans."
Yuri: "You need the EYE OF THE TIGER DUDE GET IN THERE AND KICK HIS F'N JOBBER ASS here take this"
Kane: "A roll of quarters? I don't think this is enough to bribe anyone, bub. Well, maybe Pete Lothario. Besides, I want to win FAIRLY and SQUARELY."
Kane continued to argue with his new partner, and was eventually suplexed back into the ring by his former partner. Mek ran the ropes, as an overanxious Yuri hopped on the ring apron with his roll of quarters. As the Gamepics-pluggin' Kliq member hit Yuri's side, quarters EXPLODED over Mek's head, and fans exploded with delight. Drunk Guy in Crowd's arteries exploded with artheriosclerosis.
Despite being pissed about the Heartbreak Kid of AOL's interference, Mr. Roboto pinned Mek anyway. One. Two. NOP. There was only one thing left to do. Kane gave the sign for the Legacy of Brutality Tombstone, and Yuri MARKED OUT.
Yuri: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TES"
Yuri wasn't laughing for long, when Mek's fellow Kliq pals (DOAskull, Foleyite,T0Y Brothers #1-4 & W46578) intervened and attacked both Yuri and KR with copies of the Beatles anthology. The match was ruled a no-contest, because there was no winner. As a result of this attack, a tag team title match was quickly signed for tomorrow's Sloptro: Champions KaneRobot & Yuri vs. Foleyite & MekZhaoyun.
Homophobic Screaming Guy in Crowd: "FOLEYITE!?!?!?!?!? WITH HIM IN THERE IT'S MORE LIKE A FAG TEAM TITLE MATCH"
Foleysis Continues to Run Around Crying
::Foleysis runs into someone, as she turns a corner::
Foleysis: "I'm sor.."
Outkast: "Are you ok?"
::Radiohead's "Fake Plastic Trees" begins playing::
Foleysis: "My brother said like that old guy Magilla Baboon and whatzizname died?"
Outkast: "Yes, I'm still a little shaken by it. I liked his glasses. I'll never see those glasses"
::Foleysis holds Outkast's hand::
Outkast: :)
"And if I could be ..who you wanted. If I could be.. who you wanted..all the time. All the time."
[Fade to black.]