Live From the MGM Presentable
Las Vegas, Nevada
10/03/99
Foleyite & Womyns champion Miss T0Y Interview
Foley: "T0Y, where do I begin.. remember when you won your first Womyns
title back in April? Remember that? And I gave you a limo full of roses?
Remember that?"
T0Y: "Huh? You never did that."
Foley: "Uh...ehh. Well, I did buy you candy or something once, I think. I do things like that for women I know, because I'm 100% heterosexual and completely NOT GAY."
T0Y: "No, you've never done anything like that. We've always been more like sisterly/brotherly friends. You did hit on me once, though."
Foley: "Well, there you go. This proves that I'm NOT gay. Thank you, T0Y."
T0Y: "I don't think so. You were drunk at the time."
Foley: "CRAP. Anyway, I've never asked you for anything. But now I am about to. Relax. It doesn't involve proving I'm not gay. But I want you to give me a match for the number-one contendership."
T0Y: "Ok, let me get this straight. You hit on me
when you were drunk. You whined
that I was going to' ruin the company', when all I did was compliment your
'rightness'. I've supported you, since you came out of the closet. And now
I should do you a favor?"
Foley: "Yes, that sounds about right."
T0Y: "Sheesh, screw that."
Foley: "And I haven't done anything for you? Who pushed you to two Womyns titles? Who gave you an opportunity to even BE here? Who was one of the few people to help you build a name for yourself, when everybody else was still obsessed with the idea that women needed CHARISMA to make it in GX? Listen to me, BITCH."
WCWSchvnne: "Foley is way out of line. We'd turn his mic off, but the gay rights groups would be all over us."
T0Y: "NO. You listen to ME. I got over despite you, not BECAUSE of you, you egotistical jerk. I'll give you your match tonight. And I'll kick your manhood all over Vegas. And according to my brothers, you don't have much manhood to kick around."
Foley: "Well.. that's the last time I shower with THEM."
Homophobic Screaming Guy: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE LEAVE THE BUILDING YOU FAG"
Invitational Battle Royal to Determine a
Number-One Contender for Miss T0Y's Womyns Title
The Womyns division isn't exactly action-packed these days, and it showed
when only three competitors took advantage of this offer: Merogal13, Christopher
Lowell and the Corpse of Sal Mineo. Mero pounded away at Mineo's diseased
carcass with her hockey stick, as Lowell left the ring and taught Drunk
Guy in Crowd how to make double mushroom lasagna. Mero eliminated Mineo
from the battle royal after 30 seconds, and was ready to take it to everyone's
favorite homosexual TV personality. Lowell and Mero slapped each other around,
as a strange-looking woman ambled on down the aisle.
WCWSchvnne: "Harry, isn't that ..Pete Lothario?"
Harry Caray: "It's either him, or Kim Fields has REALLY let herself go."
Pete Lothario: "Yeah, that's right! I'm in drag! Go ahead and call me a faggot, you moronic Vegas vegetarians! You can all kiss my ass!"
Crowd: "......."
Lothario: "Uh oh. I'm STILL not over. I try to do something different and go for heel heat and now...now I've destroyed the Lothario legacy. My father will be so ashamed."
Drunk Guy in Crowd: "DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF WE'LL BOO YA BUDDY"
Lothario: "Ya'll don't hate me. And I don't hate you. In fact, he only person I hate right now is...::choked up::....is me."
As a depressed Lothario entered the ring and walked into a double-clothesline via Lowell and Mero, the Mighty Mouse theme began palying over the PA.
WCWSchvnne: "OH MY GOD! Don't tell me! YES! YES! IT'S THE INTER-GENDER CHAMPION! IT'S THE CANCER-RIDDEN CORPSE OF ANDY KAUFMAN!"
Kaufman, sporting a white jumpsuit with black trunks over it, strutted to the ring and mouthed "Here I come to save the day". Mero cracked up and fell over the top rope, eliminating her from the match. Andy then wowed fans with an Elvis impression, that caused Lowell to laugh himself silly and stumble over the top rope. Before Kaufman could make Lothario crack up, 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny" began playing VERY LOUDLY. The music stopped and we all know what that means. Battle Monkey charged to the ring, powerbombed and raped Lothario, and ultimately tossed him over the top rope.
BM: "MrPerfectn, you can run. And you can hide. But you can't..uh..eh. I'm just gonna beat and rape you at Gettysburg Havoc. Sorry if my mic work isn't so FANCY. Kaufman, I'll let you go. I loved you in 'Kate & Allie', man."
Kaufman wins a shot at the Womyns title in his GX debut, and BM adds another victim to his hit list. What a magical night.
BAHUMUTH Is Standing Live on a High School
Football Field
BAHU: "Kuno Powers - the man who turned Outkast against me. Kuno Powers
- a fat dumb man who is a fat loser with no life. Kuno, all you have to
do is meet me here after third quarter and we'll see what kind of man you
are, you fat loser with no life."
Harbcore champ Mr. ANTI, KaneRobot &
Yuri Hit The Streets of Las Vegas
Yuri: "DUDE this is NOTHING LIKE
ST LOUIS"
ANTI: "LMAO! You're damn right, babycakes! Take a look at that beauty up on stage and try to tell me St. Louis is the best city in North America!"
Yuri: "DUDE i could only DREAM OF seeing something like this back home WTF THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE"
ANTI: "LMAO! That hot little ass needs to make its way over here!"
Yuri: "HAHAHAHAHAH TES i'll be like hey ive got something in my pants and its scary baby"
ANTI: "LMAO!"
Kane: "Ok, I realize I might be alone here, but I'm really not that excited to be at this Wayne Newton concert. I'm gonna go listen to some Hanson, bub. I'll be in the car, if you guys need me."
Guy Sitting Behind Kane: "Why don't you listen to some real music? Hanson wouldn't even be around if it wasn't for the Beatles, you son of a bitch."
Kane turned around, only to find that MekZhaoyun and the
tag champions DOAskull & W46578 were sat DIRECKALEE behind the Triad-like
group of ANTI,Yuri & KR. The six superstars began brawling much to the
delight of the crowd. They may have interrupted a concert..but it was Wayne
Newton for Holly sake. The crowd was grateful. Newton executed a Space Flying
Tiger Drop onto all six men and then shot on the crowd for "pretending
to like him."
IceWolfX69 & Steve Case Take Advantage
of Rick Parka's Appetite for Destruction
Ice: "Yanno, replacing Rick's chocolate with Ex-Lax is a BRIIIIIIIIILLIANT
idea, Steve-O."
Case: "We could always replace it with cat dung."
Ice: "OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.. you are REALLY edgy, Steve-O. Let's do it."
Case snickered and replaced Rick's Snickers with a piece of cat dung. Ice and Case then hid behind a flowerpot, and waited for Rick to arrive and fall for their devilish scheme.
BAHUMUTH vs. Kuno Powers - An Afterschool
Special Brawl
BAHU: "Don't try any funny stuff, Kuno. You're a fat loser with no
life, so this brawl is gonna be held under pro wrestling rules."
Popular Kid In Crowd: "HAHAHAHA UH OH LOOK OUT KUNO THIS GUY'S GONNA GET HULK HOGAN TO HELP HIM OUT HAHAHA WHAT A LOSER"
BAHU pushed Kuno, and the crowd "ooh"ed. BAHU called Kuno a "pussy" and pushed him again. The second push garnered BAHU an "ahh". A group of guys with trenchcoats said that they felt fighting was a stupid and immature way to settle things. A guy in a lettermans jacket named Biff told them to "have a glass of shut the hell up". BAHU pushed Kuno a third time, and Kuno pushed back. The crackbaby tripped over something and fell in a puddle. That "something" turned out to be none other than Outkast. The high schoolers on hand laughed and pointed at BAHU, as 'Kast and Kuno high-fived.
Sarcastic Cheerleader: "HAHA NICE ASS CRACKBABY"
Kid With Glasses: "Oh NO. Principal McRigsby is coming, you guys!"
Since Principal McRigsby was on his way, Kuno was declared the winner. The trenchcoat-clad group held the duo of 'Kast & Kuno on their shoulders, as Sarcastic Cheerleader slapped BAHU.
Popular Kid in Crowd: "I think we've ALL learned a little something today..."
::piano starts playing::
Popular Kid in Crowd: "Maybe I haven't given people like Outkast and Kuno a chance in the past. But I've learned that being popular isn't the most important thing, after all. It's about BEING YOURSELF."
Crowd: ::clap........::clap::...............:: clap clap clap CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP::
Rick Parka Eats Cat Dung in the Locker Room
Parka: "I've been craving you all day. Mmmmm, chocolatey." ::takes
bite out of cat dung::
Ice: "I can't befuckinglieve HE TOOK A BIIIIIIITE."
Case: "Oh dear lord, this is too funny."
Parka: "Hey.. something isn't right here......this room doesn't have a FIRE ESCAPE. This Snickers tastes unusually satisfying, though."
Ice: "HAAAAAAAGNABBIT, our plan has FAAAILED."
Case: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those snooping GXers."
#1 Contendership Match: Foleyite
vs.Womyns champ Miss T0Y
Foley: "Hey, when I called you a bitch earlier, I didn't mean it like
THAT. A bitch is a female dog. And we all know that dogs are some of the
most loyal, lovable animals on the face of this beautiful Earth!"
WCWSchvnne: "I've never heard so much bullshit in my life. Except when Pat Buchanan speaks."
Foley: "T0Y, I deserve to be the number-one contender. After all, I AM the ga.."
T0Y: "Huh?"
Fole: "Why'd you interrupt me?"
T0Y: "Heh, you just said that you are 'the gay'."
Foley: "Good one."
T0Y: "I know becoming a World champ means a lot to you, Mr. Foleyite. But you're gonna owe me for this...big-time."
T0Y laid down, and Mr. Foleyite covered her for the three-count. MekZhaoyun, Jobber4WCW,DOAskull,W46578 and T0Y Brothers #1-4 came out and celebrated with their fellow Kliqsters.
WCWSchvnne: "Well, Foley gets a cheap win and we watch the heel stable celebrate. Just perfect. Great way to end a damn show."
As Schvnne continued to voice his disgust with how Sloppy Night Heat was booked this week, DesDev appeared at the top of the entrance ramp and pointed a bat towards the ring.
WCWSchvnne: "IT'S DES! Now THIS is how you end a show! Even though we should probably save the Des appearances for Sloptro. Christ, who's booking this crap?"
Harry Caray: "Damn aliens."
[Fade to black.]