GX
Sloppy Night Heat
Live from the GX Arena
09/05/99
New Sloppy Night Heat Intro
WCWSchvnne: "The new look of Sloppy Night Heat has everyone talking!
This week we'll bring you rehashed footage set to trendy music and matches
that aren't big enough for Sloptro! I'm sorry. We're trying to cut corners
where we can. Signing Pete Lothario just isn't paying off, the way we had
hoped."
Reunited And It Feels So Good (DOAskull
& W46578) vs. The Man They Call Hovis & The debuting Christopher Lowell
The match was originally postponed for a later date, when Lowell and Hovis
began acooking segment for no good reason. After Hovis scarfed down Christopher's
rotisserie chicken and Lowell gave the crowd flower arranging tips, W4 and
Skull made their way to the ring.
W4: "You say you want a revolution? Well, you know."
Skull: "What the hell are you two DOING? The greatest tag team in the history of GX has reunited here. And you want to postpone our reunion match? Screw this. We came here to do two things: quote the Beatles and kick some ass. And W4's all out of Beatles quotes, baby."
W4: "Not really, but let's just get this match over with."
Lowell: "Ooh, calling nine one ooone!"
Skull: "Are you mocking me? I'm a TWO-TIME Sloppy award winner. I'm a [former] tag tream champion. I'm a member of the elite GX Kliq."
Lowell: "Good for yooou!"
Enraged by what he perceived to be biting sarcasm, Skull leveled Lowell with a clothesline and proceeded to beat him over the head with a fruit dehydrator Lowell had left in the ring during the cooking segment. As W4 soothed Hovis' soul with his own version of "Yes It Is", Skull hit Lowell with a bulldog and pinned him for the win. The Princes of the Universe politely applauded on the entrance ramp.
Mek: "We shall celebrate by listening to the White Album tonight."
Kane: "Suit yourself. I'm listening to Hanson's 'Snowed In'."
In Your Pants: Good Friends, Better Enemas
Card
People are already buzzing about the next slop-per-vew spectacular from
Godwinneration X. Clearly, this is the most action-packed card fans have
seen since that one "In Your House" that featured Savio Vega vs.
Waylon Mercy.
World champion GHarb77 vs. G Incognto
# 1 Contendership - Foleyite vs. Commisioner Yuri
MrPerfectn vs. BAHUMUTH
World tag team champs The Princes of the Universe vs. DOAskull & W46578
Intercontinentally challenged champ Jobber4WCW vs. Rick Parka
Womyns champ Miss T0Y vs. Merogal13
If Hovis Wins, Drk Returns to AOL: The Man They Call Hovis vs. Steve Case
RyanAnother48Hours & The Sax vs. Tenryu & Kitao
BAHUMUTH & Outkast Backstage
BAHU: "Outhouse, you do realize that I'm here to save GX, right? You
realize that GX needs me to get their cards over, don't you?"
Outkast: "It's Outkast."
BAHU: "Whatever. Battle Monkey is on my tail and I think he wants to do something involving my tail.. if you know what I mean. I need you to be a warrior. Step up to the plate, Everlast."
Outkast: "It's Outkast. Everlast is that guy that sings "What It's Like". He was also a member of House of Pain, who had the hit "Jump Around"."
BAHU: "I don't give a shit. Stay here, and don't cut any interviews while I'm in the bathroom. OUTSIDER, LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
BAHU slapped Outkast and headed to the bathroom for his fix, as a concerned Kuno Powers entered the building.
Kuno: "Outkast? Are you ok? What happened to your face?"
Outkast: "I...I....I fell down the stairs."
World tag team champions The Princes of the
Universe vs. The debuting G.Q.
Masters III & Black Man Who Just Graduated
KaneRobot mocked the new duo before the match, stating that Masters could
not physically kick his own ass. MekZhaoyun added that BMWJG has probably
never even heard the word "college", much less been to one. Masters
leapt at Kane, but was quickly chokeslammed to the canvas. Meanwhile, Mek
defeated BMWJG in a game of Scrabble. Apparently, Kane and Mek were as right
as The Right One himself. Kane
pinned Masters within 30 seconds, as W4 and Skull entered the ring and hugged
the champs.
W4: "I get by with a little help from my friends, with a little help from my FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS."
Skull, Mek: "AH AH AH AH AHHHHH ..AH."
Kane: "Now this. This is sick."
Outkast Interview
Outkast: "I'm finally getting mic time in GX! Oh, but at what cost.
Battle Monkey, I need you to come out here. I feel like Screech in one of
those episodes where Zack gets him to do something really stupid. You all
know you've seen that one."
A bewildered BM came to the ring with his hippin' and his hoppin', and recieved a lovely face reaction as LL Cool J's "I'm The Type of Guy" played over the PA.
BM: "HANDS LIKE THIS! HANDS LIKE THIS!" ::jams hands up pair of Kevin Nash wrestling buddies' asses::
Outkast: "Battle Monkey.. I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.....DAMMIT."
To the shock of BM and the crowd, Outkast shoved BM. BM
responded by grabbing 'Kast by the throat and then doing the most impressive
thing I have ever seen which is: BLARGHAHHHHH. Unfortunately, BAHU entered
the ring and threw a cup of dirty water into BM's eyes. BAHU set up for
the "BAHU Bottom" but BM elbowed out of it, as MrPerfectn hit
the ring and belted the crackbaby with a lethal chairshot. BM and Perf tossed
Outkast and BAHU to the outside,
and then did the Salt-n-Pepa "Push It" DACE for an hour and twenty-three
minutes.
It's Deja Vu All Over Again: A Look at Bag
of Popcorn's Return to GX Last Monday Night
Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba" plays, as footage of Battle Monkey powerbombing
GANGWARR onto Bag of Popcorn is played in slow-motion hundreds of times
in a row.
WCWSchvnne: "We're replaying footage people have already seen, but we're setting it to a trendy, radio-friendly song, so it's as good as new!"
MekZhaoyun: "You know, we as GXers sometimes see things that the fans don't see. When I saw GANG powerbombed onto BOP.. I said to myself 'I need to add more pics to my Gamepics site'."
G Incognto: "Bag of Popcorn and I have a history, as many people know. And Bag of Popcorn entertains the people in his own crazy-ass way. He just sits there and does jackshit and I had to put him over. I had to put a god damn bag of popcorn over. A BAG OF POPCORN. Can we cut this off for a little bit?"
GHarb77: "Hell, I looked at the replay out of the corner of my eye. I was busy doing my laundry, so I was just glancing at the monitor out of the corner of my eye. Then I saw it. And man..it was devastatin' alright."
GX Cameraman: "What was devastating?"
Harb: "The..thing you asked me about. Oh look, my ..uh.. laundry is done. I'll be right back."
Miss T0Y: "I like caramel popcorn better than regular popcorn, personally."
DesDev: "Why are you using me for the recap piece? Isn't part of my new gimmick being silent? You're killing my heat, man. KILLING IT, I TELL YOU. This is worse than being subjected to a "Real World" marathon. Just stop this insanity before it drags on entirely too long and ends up looking like an SNL skit. Please, I beg of you."
The footage is shown in slow-motion three times more, as Elton John's "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" plays.
Commisioner Yuri and The T0Y Brothers Backstage
Yuri: "LISTEN YOU F'N JAYBRONES
FOLEYITE'S NOT GONNA PULL ANY BS AT IN YOUR PANTS TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE
CONTENDER BECAUSE I HAVE TWO SURPRISES FOR HIS F'N ASS TOMORROW NIGHT"
T0Y Brother #3: "YO MAN LEMME HAVE SUMMA DAT ABBA ZABBA"
Yuri: "WTF THE NIGGERS STOLE MY CANDY"
The militant Brothers ganged up on Yuri, as the rest of the GX Kliq emerged from their dressing room.
Foleyite: "Hold him back! Hold him back! Jobber, hit the music! Mek, get the camera ready!"
Jobber popped a tape of George Michael's "Faith" in a boombox and began strutting around. T0Y Brothers #1 and #3 held Yuri back, as Foley did the patented George Michael ass-shake. Mek took pictures of this momentous occasion, before the Kliq drove away in the Mirth-Mobile.
Yuri: "ARGHHHHHHH WTF FOLEYITE THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL FOLEY NOT PAAAAAAART OF THE DEEEEEEEEEEAL"
The Mirth-Mobile backed up, and the Princes of the Universe stepped out to stomp on Yuri's Bret Hart sunglasses.
Yuri: "FINE HAVE YOUR FUN THEN YOU F'N JAYBRONES WOULD IT BE OK IF I JUST LAY HERE AND DIE"
Kane: "Yes, that would be acceptable."
[Fade to black.]