GX Sloppy Night Heat
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
08/08/99
[Disclaimer:This post contains explicit language, sexually suggestive material
and numerous references to drinking, drugs, and Jose Lotherio's son. If
your child is reading this post.. then you're one fucked-up parent. ]
Sloppy Night Heat Intro
Harry Caray: "Hey everyboday! Harry Caray here! Hey Schvnne! Have you
heard that the Hummer driver is Rick Parka?"
WCWSchvnne: "Well, we'll find out tomorrow on the GREATEST MOST FANTABULOUS
WEEKLY POST ONLINE EVERY WEEK! MONDAY SLOPTRO!
Special Performance By Master P and the No Limit Soldiers
Master P...sigh.."treated" GX to a .."special performance"
to start off the show. Hey, he's still under contract. We need to use him
for something, I guess. No Limit Soliders. He thought he told us. Ugh. This
went on for twelve more minutes. As Silk da Shocker and Master P finished
things up, Battle Monkey and GANGWARR arrived. Battle Monkey went on to
chokeslam both P and Silk through the ENTRANCE
RAMP. P and Silk were pronounced dead halfway through the show.. the show
continued.
Outkast vs. Pumpkin Express Member, Co-Holder of the World Tag Titles,
Miss Asia 1999 Benny "The Iceman" Bibby
A jubilant Outkast skipped to the ring, kissing babies and shaking hands.
Outkast: "I had my first win last week and it sure"
We cut off his audio at that point. Like we're gonna give HIM mic time. Come on now. Let's be serious. The infamous Ben Bibby then made his way down dat aisle, but was stopped shot by a security guard who began kicking away at his pumpkin-like head. The name of that security guard? You guessed it - KaneRobot. Kane threw Bibby into the ring, where Outkast rolled Bibby up for the pin. One. Two. Three.
WCWSchvnne: "2 WINS! 2 WINS! This is unbelievable. OUTKAST has TWO WINS in a ROW."
Harry Caray: "I heard you the first time."
Foleyite & The Princes of the Universe Apologize to T0Y For Their
Lewd Behavior On Last Week's Sloppy Night Heat Backstage
T0Y: "What you guys did last week...was ..um. not..like ..excusable."
Kane: "Perhaps we did get a bit out of hand. But all I did was pee on your sh..well..eh..oh man. Tell 'em, Foleyite!"
Foleyite: "WEEELLLL. We're sorry. WE'RE SORRY DAMMIT. WE WERE DRUNK. WE COULDN'T HELP OURSELVES. AND IF THE BABY IS MINE OR KR'S OR MEK'S, WELL EXCUSE ME BUT WE'RE JUST NOT READY FOR THAT OK!?!?!?!?!"
T0Y: "Umm...you just acted like jerks and peed on my shoes."
Foleyite: "Interesting........Is my face red. Mek?"
Mek: "T0Y, you have to understand something. I'm a Marine and I'm from Milwaukee."
T0Y: "You call this an apology? Until you guys can do something for me, apology unaccepted. I'll teach you to be sorry tomorrow night."
Kane: "Blah blah blah, you'll be kissing ass again tomorrow night."
T0Y: "Heh."
DaveyDog30 Interview
The fans were really getting on Davey's case, with chants of "You sold
out" and towels labeled as "Davey's Cryin' Towel". Davey
threw a Grover doll at Drunk Guy in Crowd, and snatched the mic away from
new ring announcer Shockrie.
Davey: "I just told my girlfriend that I'm gonna be at Sloptro tomorrow night, and guess what she said? NOTHING. She doesn't even exist, YOU MISERABLE FUCKS. But I am better than EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, and my guest at this time DAMN sure exists: CHARISMA93."
Char: "I AM BACK!!!! ARE YOU ASSHOLES HAPPY NOW!?!?!?!?"
Drunk Guy In Crowd: "HELL YEAH BITCH MAH BUDDY JUST GOT ME A FOAM GX HAND WHOOOOOOO"
Char: "You insensitive bastards. At SummerSlop, my Davey-Wavey's gonna regain his title and then take Foleyite out once and for ALL. And T0Y? I'm still Womyns champion, you stupid slut. Stupid ass-kissing slut. At SummerSlop, I'll give you one last shot at the belt, you stupid ass-kissing slut."
Davey: "Now if you'll excuse me, we have to convince some adults to buy us some alchohol."
Construction Worker From Village People: "I will not be a part of this."
"G-TV" Segment
[ANTI is seen pulling his pants down and squatting over a bag with Backstreet
Boys stickers all over it.]
ANTI: "Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is. AHHAHAH LMAO!!!!! Jimmy's gonna shit when he sees shit in his bag!!!!"
Daniel Stern: "I knew at that moment, as I defecated in Jimmy's bag, that things were changing. There was a big, wild world out there. Sometimes you've just gotta be your own man, and walk it alone."
"DO EVERYTHING TURN TURN TURN."
[Fade to commercials.]
SummerSlop Report
Mean Gene ran down the card, and promised GX fans that it would be a shank
in the evening to remember. When asked why he likes to say "shank of
the evening" so much, Gene could not be reached for comment. Anyway,
here is the confirmed card for SummerSlop thus far:
GX World champion BAHUMUTH vs. GHarb77
Loser Leaves GX Match: Foleyite vs. DaveyDog30
"Eat My Feces Match": Harbcore champ JimmyXite vs. Mr. ANTI
World tag champs Pumpkin Express vs. Princes of the Universe vs. Jobber4WCW & DOAskull
For the Womyns Title: Champion Charisma93 vs. Miss T0Y
Loser Leaves AOL Match: TonyIsDrk vs. SweetLdyCt
Battle Monkey vs. G Incognto
Plus, Yuri will defend the Intercontinentally challenged title against the winner of the Davey/Outkast match on Sloptro tomorrow. What a packed-ass card. It'll take the booker forever to type this slop-per-view up. Shit.
World champion BAHUMUTH vs. Pete Lothario
Before the match got underway, Pete grabbed the mic and tried to get over
with the fans.
Pete: "My father is a legend! And I happen to be good friends with "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels! Oh come on, I'm down with the Limp Biscuits. Ah fuck, I give up. What will it take to get over with you people?"
Drunk Guy in Crowd: "TAKE IT OFF"
Well, Pete gets an A for effort. BAHU entered the ring to Goldust's WWF
music, as cocaine fell from the ceiling. Pete gave the "People's Elbow"
motion and screamed that BAHU was going down, if you smelled what Pete was
cooking. No reaction whatsoever. BAHU TOSed some coke in Pete's face, and
followed up with the "BAHU Bottom" for the pinfall win. You've
gotta respect the Old Skool Heel-ness of AOL's most dangerous crackbaby.
After the match, BAHU
pointed to the GodwinnTron, where a video segment called the "BAHU-Files"
played. The footage showed Karla being forced to watch Super J-Cup '94,
as BAHU walked around half-naked. Many people in the audience were treated
for motion sickness.
"G-TV" Segment
Steve Austin: "Now take off yer little panties."
Debra: "Stave, where were ya all day? I kept lookin' for yeh."
Steve: "It really don't make a damn. Take 'em off, and that's all I got to say about that."
Debra: "Stave, can we just sit and talk for a change?"
Steve: "You come in here..and say "Steve, let's talk". EHHH EHHH. I think talkin' is a bunch of BS. ASS. ASS. DAMN. HELL YEAH JACKASS."
Debra: "I just don't want to ruin our friendship."
Steve: "IF YOU WANNA SEE ME WHIP IT OUT, GIMME A HELL YEAH"
Debra: "Stave.. now is not the time. That camera's on us."
Steve: "BAH G-TV. MORE LIKE G-FECES."
Debra: "Ok, that wasn't funny."
Steve: "ASS."
[Fade to black.]