GX Sloppy Night Heat
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
07/18/99
[Disclaimer: Sloppy Night Heat's intro is accompanied by {S GX2. This post
is still merely a set-up for the weekly smash hit "GX Sloptro",
which can be seen here on the SE board. I'd like to point out that this
post should in no way be compared to Sloptro, or be criticized for being
short and largely unfunny. Or gay. But if you really like this post, then
don't like set really, really high expectations for Sloptro.
Thanks. ]
Sloppy Night Heat Intro
Harry Caray: "Hey everyboday! Harry Caray here."
WCWSchvnne: "And I'm WCWSchvnne. We've got a show for you tonight.
Some matches. Angles. Yeah. You know the drill. Anyway, WHO WAS DRIVING
THAT HUMMER?"
Harry Caray: "You said that exact same thing last week."
WCWSchvnne: "....."
Reverend G Incognto Interview
Mean Gene: "Ladies and gentlemen, we are in the shaft of the evening,
and you know what that means. Please welcome The Reverend G Incognto! OH
YEAH! G, you finally got a World title shot on a slop-per-view but I have
a feeling things didn't go the way you planned. OH YEAH!" ::seizure::
G: "Gene, I'm not gonna waste your time because I know your head's
got a tanning salon to get to, so I'm gonna make like O.J., and make this
short and sweet. The only reason I'm not World champ right now, is because
of GANGWARR and Battle Monkey. I was at the mall today and Yuri already
informed me that I'll get another shot at BAHU tomorrow on Sloptro. And
if I CAN'T win the title tomorrow? Well, I'll ..be quite annoyed. Sorry.
We don't have any
kind of stipulation for the match or anything. I apologize if I led you
all on."
W46578 vs. DOAskull (With Jobber4WCW & Miss T0Y)
Before the match, Skull grabbed the mic, as the female fans of GX played
horseshoe with pineapple rings and Drunk Guy in Crowd's broken-down wang.
Skull: "W4, before you wrestle me tonight, ask yourself a question.
Do you REALLY want to hurt me? If you do, ask yourself a question that relates
to a Beatles song and think about it. It's about time the 'Pack returned
to its original greatness. Of course, it was never really that great, but
since it hasn't been around a while, we look back with nothing but fond
memories. Jobber's back. And after tonight, Foleyite will damn sure come
around. It's up
to you, old friend."
Skull and T0Y winked at each other as W4's music started up. Nobody came out. Well, that WWF official that looks like Tom Petty came out, but that was it. W4's music started up again. Again, nothing. Old footage of Bam Bam Bigelow giving Tatanka a haircut then appeared on the GodwinnTron for no apparent reason.
Black and White Footage of a Locker Room with "G-TV" in the
Corner
Karla: "Let me go, you crackbaby!"
BAHU: "Bitch, you mock my FAS one more time and I swear."
Karla: "What? You'll hit me?"
BAHU: ::twirls nightstick::
::JimmyXite picks Karla up and BAHU and Jimmy walk away laughing::
Foleyite Interview
Foleyite: "Finally, The Right One has come BACK TO BITTERS!!! T0Y,
Jobber and Skull? You want to have your little Folepack reunion? Well, Foleyite
realizes why that is. Yanno, you're all just shills who kiss my ass! Now,
onto DaveyDog30. I understand what's happened with you, Davey. The night
you won the Intercontinentally challenged title at the King Of The Dong,
you got down on your scarred JOCK knees, put your little hands together,
and you
said a prayer that sounded like this: [little boyish voice] Oh dear Walt
Disney.....You see my name's Davey, and I just won the title from Des. But
there's one problem... everyone still thinks that I absolutely SUCK. And
then at that point, Davey... your poofy hair started to shake, the heavens
opened up and Walt Disney himself spoke to you and said this...DAVEY???
But my real name is actually Chris. IT
DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR REAL NAME IS!!!!!!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
YOU DO SUCK. BUT THERE IS ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY YOU CAN DO. PUT THE
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST TAPE DOWN, FIRST OF ALL. AND THEN YOU MUST GO FIND
THE MAN WHO IS SIMPLY RIGHT. YOU MUST GO FIND... FOLEYITE. Oh Walt, anybody
but Foley...
SHUT YOUR MOUTH, AND TURN OFF THE DISNEY SING ALONG SONGS VOLUME 5!!!!!!
And then Davey, as fear traveled through your JOCK scars, tears ran down
your cheek and urine poured down your leg, your house started to shake again,
the clouds parted, the heavens opened, and what seemed like millions...AND
MILLIONS .. of voices all said to you in unison...
"DISNEY-BOY, FOLEYITE IS RIGHT!"
Jobber4WCW (With Miss T0Y) vs. Outkast
Before the match, T0Y grabbed the mic:
T0Y: "Outkast, oh you are so disgusting"
Jobber: "Oh you didn't know? T0Y is right."
Outkast wept after T0Y's 80s-style insult, leaving him vulnerable to a clothesline
by Jobber. Jobber hit Outkast with the Running Jobber Bomb and recieved
the pinfall win in :19. After the match, Jobber ripped off Outkast's outfit
to reveal BRA AND PANTIES, BRA AND PANTIES. DOAskull came from the back,
and Jobber hoisted him up on his shoulder and celebrated. Jobber was wearing
a kilt. And a "No fear" T-shirt. Yeah, you get it. T0Y ran to
the back,
with a what appeared to be note in her hand.
KaneRobot Shaving His Back in Dressing Room
Yuri: "kane, can i get you anything. i'm going to wal-mart with my
mom dude"
Kane: "Get me the new Maiden CD. Oh, and some big bubbles. REALLY big
bubbles."
Yuri: "cool ok bye"
::knock knock::
Strange, Sensual Voice: "We've got an I. Ron Maidens CD here for a
Mr. Robot."
::Kane opens door, as a giant pumpkin costume is thrown over him::
Black and White Footage of a Locker Room With "G-TV" in the Corner
T0Y: "So I'll see you at the Motel 6 at 11 then?"
Foley: "I guess so."
T0Y: "Heh. That's what I thought."
Mek: "Uhhhh.."
The AG: "That's kinda rude. Right in front of us."
Mek: "That ruled."
TonyIsDrk & "AOL's Most Lovable Man" Mr. ANTI (With "Handsome"
Steven Hovis and Merogal13) vs. Harbcore champion JimmyXite & HostWWFJds
Before the match, it was announced that a Harbcore title shot was on the
line in this match. It was also announced that Bret Hart's career is officially
dead. Rest in peace. ANTI came to the ring with a chicken attached to his
crotch, which recieved a nice pop. The crowd also cheered for this act.
As ANTI wowed the fans with the ASS TAPPING PORN DANCE, Hovis bit the head
off of the chicken. Somewhere
Ozzy and Alice are smiling. Then came the strobe lights and "Everybody",
as Jimmy and Jds came skipping to the ring. Merogal hit Jimmy with a lowblow
as the bell rang, and ANTI followed up by rocking his boday with a Tiger
Suplex. Drk hit Jds with a tope con hilo, and threw him into the crowd.
Drunk Guy in Crowd screamed "WHOOOO", vomited and then fell face-first
in his own vomit. Hovis stole the remainder of DGIC's nachos and "ran"
to the back, as
Drk and ANTI began double-teaming Jimmy. Jds motioned to the back, and SweetLdyCt
"ran" to the ring. ANTI, delighted to see a feces-stained fat
woman left the ring and kissed Sweet to a HUGE pop.
WCWSchvnne: "That man will do ANYTHING to please the fans. ANYTHING. I'm going to vomit now."
Harry Caray: "Hey Schvnne! If a fox had sex with a camel, who's side would you be on?"
Jimmy brought a chair into the ring and told the fans that it was time to do the Backstreet Boy DACE. As Jimmy held the chair, Drk dropkicked it into his face and pinned him for a big upset win. Drk now gets a shot at the Harbcore title next week on Sloppy Night Heat. Or not. I like to change shit up. It's not like I'm really booking a REAL show here. Damn.
WCWSchvnne: "Join us tomorrow for Sloptro! It'll be the GREATEST MOST FANTABULOUS NIGHT EVER ON AOL IT WILL BE THE MOST BEST GREAT GREAT GREAT GOOD BEST GOOD SIDEWALK SLAM EVER!!!!!!!"
Harry Caray: "Will it really be big, Schvnne? Don't jerk me around."
WCWSchvnne: "........."
[Fade to black.]