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GX Sloppy Night Heat
Live from the GX Arena in Bitters, Arkansas
07/04/99

[Disclaimer: Sloppy Night Heat's new intro is accompanied by {S GX2, yet this post is still merely a set-up for the weekly smash hit "GX Sloptro". This post should in no way be compared to Sloptro, or be criticized for being short and largely unfunny. ]

Sloppy Night Heat Intro
Footage of: G Incognto watching porn and giving the camera a thumbs-up, MekZhaoyun in full Transformers gear, Miss T0Y falling out of her top on Sloptro, Mr. ANTI farting on a smiling fan, GHarb77 building an R2D2, an angry DesDev pouring Dr. Pepper on Drunk Guy in Crowd.

Harry Caray: "Hey everyboday! Harry Caray here."

WCWSchvnne: "And I'm WCWSchvnne. We've got a show for you tonight. Some matches. Angles. Yeah. You know the drill. Anyway, WHO WAS DRIVING THAT HUMMER?"

GUNN vs. ROMER: Loser Leaves Town Shoney's Street Fight
GUNN entered the ring, wearing one flip-flop, drawstring alligator pants with blood on the left leg, and a Virgil T-shirt acned with cigarette burns. ROMER entered the ring, wearing a circa 1990 Big Bossman outfit and wasted no time attacking GUNN with a nightstick, to a decent reaction. ROMER rolled GUNN to the outside, where he handcuffed him to the steel guardrail. As ROMER played to the crowd
with his fancy nightstick-twirl, Drunk Guy in Crowd handed GUNN a can of Stroh's, and GUNN found the strength to break free and spear ROMER into the steel haybale at ringside. GUNN pulled a case of Zima from under the ring and went to work on ROMER, as many fans in attendance began to cheer GUNN and his drunken antics. GUNN rolled ROMER back into the ring, and broke a bottle of A1 steak sauce over his head to a huge pop. With fans on his side, GUNN
slapped the BBQ Cookout on ROMER and got the submission win. ROMER is gone from GX. As GUNN celebrated by yelling racial slurs, and chugging some Zima, a black man in a Tupac shirt smashed a boombox over GUNN's head.

Harry Caray: "OH MY GOD! Hey Schvnne! The purple Skittles go best with the Zima. But I like the green ones."

WCWSchvnne: "Well, yes, but the real question is who was driving the Hummer last Monday?"

World tag team champs The Pumpkin Express vs. DOAskull & Mr. ANTI vs. W46578 & JimmyXite vs. KaneRobot & Outkast: Harbcore Rules
Before the match, PE's Ben Bibby and Ryan3MenandaBibby bragged about their incredible dominance of the tag division. Bibby was also pleased because his new custom-sized "Pumpkin Express" hat actually fits his rotund head. The other three teams showed up and then a match happened. W4 and Skull battered with each other with pineapples, chairs and frying pans, as Mr. ANTI blew hot farts on Jimmy.
KaneRobot singlehandedly took care of the Pumpkin Express, as Outkast watched and cheered him on a la Stanley Spadowski in the helicopter. As Kane prepared to chokeslam Bibby and his gargantuan head through the table, Master P arrived and poked Kane's cock-n-balls with a mop. W4, Jimmy, Skull and ANTI brawled into the crowd, as Bibby gave Outkast a Pumpkinheadbutt. Kane chased Master P out of the ring, as Ryan40WaystoMakeYouCallMeBigPoppa, The Sax
and Bibby destroyed Outkast. Ryan8DaysaWeek slapped a Boston Crab on Outkast, and Bibby came crashing down on the jobber with a Great Pumpkin Headbutt. Bibby pinned Outkast for the three-count. DAMN YOU MASTER P.

MekZhaoyun,DOAskull,The AG & Foleyite Finally Released From the Hospital
Mek: "I haven't felt this good since Super Mario Role Playing Game was dumped for the ZSNES. This is ALLSOME."

Foleyite: "Dr. Remulak said I shouldn't wrestle for another two months. It's a good thing I just type up wrestling parodies over AOL. Damn."

::close-up of The AG's cleavage::

DOAskull: "I may have won two Sloppies, but ne-ver did I expect you guys to return. If I was more effeminate, I would ask for a group hug... but I'm not effeminate at all. Really. Foley, back off, dude."

::Miss T0Y runs to the scene::

T0Y: "Hey guys, I really need your help, see, while you guys were injured, there's been this feud, and Char hates Harb and me, and Davey's little brother's in the fed now, and I need a mystery partner against Char and Davey's brother but everybody else is busy, so if one of you guys could help me out"

Mek: "WTF"

::Close-up of the AG's cleavage::

Foley: "Mek is right. Where were you when that male nurse from Austria was giving Mek a sponge bath? Where were you when I was in my hospital bed, forced to watch nothing but Webster and Small Wonder reruns? You can damn sure slop it."

Mek: "Amen to that."

Skull: "Well, I have the Harbcore 4-Way match, but I think I could work two matches in one night, T0Y."

T0Y: "Wooooooo hoo!!! Thanks Mr. Skull! You won't regret it!"

Foley: "WTF. Respect-O-Meter for DOAskull: 99. 67. 13. 4."

Skull: "OH COME ON. It'll be just like old times, Foley. Remember when Jobber and T0Y pissed in W4's water bottle before W4's matches?"

Mek: "LIVE IN THE NOW."

::close-up of the AG's cleavage::

GHarb77 (With Karla) vs. MattyDog30 (With Charisma93)
Harb: "Just when I thought you couldn't get any lower, Davey. Last Monday, you send Karla plane tickets to San Diego, when Sloptro was in New Orleans? And Charisma, talk about your BIG BOXES. My sources say your box is pretty damn big, if ya get where the Harb is comin' from."

The fiery youngster Matty went after Harb with a vengeance, and Harb responded by kicking Matty in the mid-section and delivering the SLOP COLD STUNNER. Charisma hopped up on the apron, and Harb threatened to hit her but something was holding him back. Matty turned Harb around, and threw DEADLY BLINDING SALT in Harb's eyes. DaveyDog30 ran to the ring with a T0Ys-R-Us cart full of Harb's action figures, and handcuffed Harb to the ropes. Charisma
opened every figure up, therefore decreasing the value of said figure, as the Dog Brothers stomped away at Harb. Char then did the Scott Hall point to the ceiling, as a giant "Disney" banner came down. Fans were sickened.

Reverend G Incognto vs. TonyIsDrk (With "Handsome" Steven Hovis &
LadyJ78US7TW87OR56SH97IPF521O879543949493949494LE567YI9876786958TE856)
G: "Hovis and Drk, my brothers, I know that you have committed the unholiest of all cyber-sins. Matthew 25:17 says that thou shalt not have cybersex. Ok, that isn't a real passage, but you can imagine how bad you'd feel if it was."

Hovis: "HEY, those are just rumors, god-boy. Now let me introduce the people to some REAL men. First, let me introduce myself. My name is Hovis, pronounced with the 'ovis."

Before Hovis finished his intro, G gave Drk and The Handsome One a Hogan-style noggin-knocker, and followed up with the "Holy Roller" on Drk. Hovis, sporting nothing but gold chains and a lavender Speedo hopped up on the apron, only to be nailed with a right hand from the Reverend. G used the Old Skool Hogan "I'm gonna hit the heel soon!" point, and then hit Drk with the Backdrop Driver From Above to a tremendous pop. As GX's holy man pinned the
ex-SOP, the crowd counted along, knowing that they were moments away from hearing Drk's dirty secret. ONE. TWO TH. Damn lights went out. Creepy organ music began to play, as a cross with an effigy of G lowered from the ceiling.

BAHUMUTH: "Reverend G, July 11, you wijjhgthtilfdhvdhgdhfdhs"

Damn, that's what happens when you pre-record voiceovers for a show. Well, BAHU's burning effigy of G spoke louder than words. Flames are kinda loud. They have like this "shhshfjgah" weird sound. It's kinda scary. Anyway, Drk hit G with the Drk Valley Driver when he turned around, en route to scoring a HUGE upset win.

Harry Caray: "HOLY COW!"
WCWSchvnne: "WHO DROVE THE HUMMER?"

Closing Moments of Show
WCWSchvnne talked more about the mysterious Hummer driver, as Harry Caray discussed which planets he would eat. WCWSchvnne mentioned that GX wanted to do something special for Independence Day. "America the Beautiful" began to play, as an oh-so-special video played on the GodwinnTron. The video contained footage of: G Incognto and GHarb77 setting off fireworks and saying they 'blew up the Death
Star', Foleyite enjoying hot dogs, DaveyDog30 and Charisma93 having a root beer float with two straws, DesDev urinating on Mount Rushmore, MrPerfectn telling the statue of Michael Jordan to 'get' and Yuri wearing an "AMERIKA IS GOOD" shirt he made himself with puffy paints.

A giant American flag lowered from the ceiling, as all the babyface women of GX surrounded the ring wearing red,white and blue bikinis. Giant mechanical heads of every GX member fell to the ring.

Giant GX Robot Heads: "FROM SEA TO SHINING SEAAAAAAA."

Harry Caray: "CUBS WIN! CUBS WINS!"

[Fade to black.]