World/Harbcore champion Battle
Monkey vs. AAisWAR
If it wasn't for the World champ, AA might have been able to say
that he defeated Foleyite at his own game. But, Battle Monkey
interefered and Foley ended up winning, so he can't say that.
I mean, he could, but it'd be silly because it wasn't entirely
true. Any road, the Neck Cyberer didn't return in October just
to piss The Right One off. He came back to win the World title
he felt he never really lost. Well, he lost this time. After the
ol' BM Powerbomb at 1:28, it was over. After the traditional post-match
sodomy, the indestructable champion praised his Kliq friends,
calling them the "best stable in silly online parodies of
wrestling organizations today", a comment that the Ministry
of Gayness didn't like. Andy Kaufman, Dead Guy from Suddenly Susan
and Chris Lowell promoted gay rights and then promoted "Will
& Grace".
DGFSS: "Hey, Ricky Parka may not be out here. He's suddenly too cool and too Latin to hang out with us. But, we've already replaced his Jennifer Lopez-esque ass. Say hello to MANINLETHR."
ManInLethr: "I bet you're tired, BM. You've already wrestled once tonight, and you're all sweaty and aching for.."
Kaufman: "Ahem. What he's trying to say is that he wants a World title shot TONIGHT, BM."
BM: "Yeah, whatever. That'll take about a minute."
Lethr: :-{}
Malaki100 vs. Hardcore Kim
Many fans will recall that these two met before, but were interrupted
by Vince McMahon. Actually, only Smart Mark in Crowd remembers
this, but that's not important. What is important is that if Womyns
champion Miss T0Y can't stay in that Royal Stumble thingy until
the last man enters, then the winner of this would surely get
the first title shot. With that in mind, both of these ladies
went all out. Ric Flair-like chops were traded until Kim grabbed
Mal by the hair, and whipped her to the mat with a snapmare. Immediately,
the Devil attempted the Greetings from Asbury Park only to have
Mal slide down the back and run the ropes. After ducking a clothesline,
GX's answer to the Divnyls scored with a springboard moonsault
press. One, two, no. Sicne it seemed like a good idea, Mal tried
a second sprignboard moonsault press. Kim let the referee take
the move, as she rolled under the bottom rope to the outside.
Since our referees are pansies, the aerial assault damn near killed
him. Prince Nackamalaki tried CPR, mouth-to-mouth, the Heimlich,
the watusi; nothing woke this ref up. The New Jersey Devil took
advantage and drove a chair into the back of Ms. 100's head. The
dastardly heel made the cover, but the ref STILL didn't wake up.
::glass breaks::
::love hurts::
::love scars::
With fist-pumpking fans egging him on, GHarb77 sprinted to the ring and dropped Kim with the Slop Cold Stunner. That's your cue, ref. As scheduled, the zebra woke up to see Mal on top of Kim. Oh my. One, two, three. Mal had won, Harb gained a measure of revenge for the Ice Ice Baby incident on Thursday and Mr. ANTI was now on the entrance ramp.
ANTI: "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Harb, you stalker! LMAO! I forgot to tell you, babycakes! Kim and I knew your ass would still try to hit on us, even after the ice sculpture incident. That's why we have a RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOU AND YOU JUST VIOLATED IT! TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS! LMAO!"
Arkansas' finest licked the donut powder from their fingers and jogged out to arrest the West Virginia Rattleharb. Fans were outraged by the lengths ANTI and Kim went to, just to embarrass their hero.
Jerry Lawler: "WOW! ANTI and Kim had Harb ARRESTED. They have a restraining order! Wow, this feud is getting good. I like this storyline. The arrest is a good twist. Who thought of that? That's really good."
WCWSchvnne: "Sigh. No one thought of this arresting thing. Well...that's the last time the booking committee is going to tell ANTI to 'go out there and wing it'."
Kuno Powers & Carl Hafer vs.
Jobber4WCW & Pete Lothario
GX's World tag team champs W46578 & DOAskull scouted their
opposition and offered their fellow Kliqsters oral support during
this tag team affair. Yes, I said "oral support", not
"moral support". Now let's move on. During the course
of the match, W4 & DOAskull told their pals that they had
to prepare for the eight-man tag later tonight.
Lothario: "Wait, you guys have a match tonight? I didn't know that. I was hoping you guys would just help us win our match. Oh well, it's cool. Kuno & Carl will be easy to beat, anyw -"
Kuno rolled Pete up in the middle of his conversation with W4 & Skull. One, two, three.
Smart Mark in Crowd: "HAW HAW."
Drunk Guy in Crowd: "WHY YOU LAUGHIN SMARTYPANTS YOU HATE SHORT MATCHES."
SMIC: "But you just spilled nacho cheese all over your pants. Nacho cheese never comes out. SEE?" ::points to a disfigured man with nacho cheese stains on his head::
World/Harbcore champion Battle
Monkey vs. ManInLethr
It may be Foleyite's gimmick, but BM was right. It did take about
a minute. After 59 seconds of sheer torture, the champ dropped
the Ministry's newest recruit with a chokeslam and covered him
for the three-count. The traditional post-match sodomy was performed,
and no, Lethr did NOT like it.
What You DIDN'T SEE Last Thursday-The
Match Vince McMahon Doesn't WANT You To See
Michael Cole: "For weeks, two foxy men known as MrPerfectn
and G Incognto wanted nothing more than a match with each other,
a friendly encounter that would bring prestige to the Intercontinentally
challenged title and the ludicrous GX as a whole. This past Thursday,
they got their wish granted. Or so they thought."
MrPerfectn, sitting at home with his dog Snowball: "Vince edited out the ending of the match. It got cut off right after a near-fall. They cut to Smart Mark in Crowd and some drunk talking about the ending. What a joke. A lot of Internet fans speculated that I had won the title and Vince cut it out because he didn't want me holding a title. That's not true. And while we're on the subject, the Internet fans read way too much into my having dinner with Chris Lowell on the road."
G Incognto, sitting at home with his dog Scruffy: "I won the match at 35:16 after a top-rope powerbomb into a pin. But, I guess Vince doesn't care about that. If I win the Stumble, who's to say he won't just edit out the ending, so that it looks like Dead Guy From Suddenly Susan won it or something? I had a dream. I finally won a GX title, but that's not enough. The World title has always eluded me. I wanted to win the Stumble and get that main event spot for the World belt at Sloppamania. I don't honestly see that being possible now, after this crap."
GX Cameraman: "After "La Femme Nikita"?"
G Incognto, sitting at home with his dog, Snuffles: "No, after the angle with Perf and I. With Vince. Shouldn't we turn the TV off, while we cut prom--"
MrPerfectn, sitting at home with his dog Mondale: "I want the World title back. And I haven't forgotten about what Battle Monkey did to me at Havoc. By winning the Stumble, I could get a shot at realizing two dreams. But with Vince as boss? How do G and I have a snowball's chance in hell?"
Michael Cole: "And so the stage is set. Two respected workers march into the Royal Stumble, with the possibility that the unscrupulous Vince McMahon may make them the next victims of a memorable screwing. On January 9th, two careers may be at a crossroads."
Bone Thugz n Harmony: "SEE YOU AT DA CROSSROOOOOADS"
Michael Cole: "God, I hate that song."
T0YBrothers #1-4 vs. MekZhaoyun,
Foleyite, W46578 & DOAskull
For a stable of Brothers, the T0YBrothers sure are popular in
Arkansas. The Kliq, however, are not popular. Before the match,
the T0YBrothers were given a chance to speak out on their departure
from the Kliq.
T0YBrother #3: "YO YOU GUYS WAS ALL LIKE BROTHERS TO US AND T0Y WAS LIKE A SISTA. WAIT SHE ACTUALLY IS OUR SISTA. ANYWAY YOU GUYS DUG YA OWN GRAVES GETTIN ALL EGOTISSICAL AND WHAT NOT. MAN IT HURTS TO LEAVE DA KLIQ BUT SHIT GOES DOWN SORRY MAN IM STILL EMOTIONAL AND WHAT NOT OVER DIS SHIT"
T0YBrother #2: "FOLEYITE YA USED TO MAH HOMIE USED TO BE MAH ACE NOW I WANNA SLAP THE TASTE OUT YA MOUTH MAKE W4 BOW DOWN TO DA ROW MEK FUCKED WITH ME NOW WE FUCKIN YOU LITTLE HO OH"
Feeling that the possiblity that they would soon be murdered was great, the four Klisters ran like a bat out of hell to the back. Unfortunately, AAisWAR, DesDev, Kuno Powers & Carl Hafer stopped them short in their tracks and smacked the Kliq around. The T0YBrothers received a count-out win, before joining in and beating on the Kliq representatives themselves. When the dust cleared, they waved their hands in the air to Juvenile's "Back Dat Thing Up". And I believe they waved them, like they did not care.
Womyns champion Miss T0Y strolled down that aisle, coming to the aid of her fellow Kliq members.
T0Y Brother #1: "YO SIS DONT EEN HELP THEM THEY JUST COOL TO YO FACE BUT THEY ONLY CARE BOUT THEMSELVES THEYRE ASSHOES SIS YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT SHEEEET"
Foleysis Enjoys a Bachelorette
Party Where Nothing Could Possibly Go Wrong
Foleysis: "Wow, three girls that nobody knows! This sure
is a great bachelorette party!"
Girl Nobody's Ever Seen Before #1: "Yes, we're having a ball, considering we're backstage at a wrestling show! And Foleysis.. we've got a surprise for you. Say hello to Johnny the convenience store cashier. I hope he doesn't ... umm ... charge you too much for a Slurpee."
GNESB #2: "Yeah.....we really should have gotten a stripper with a gimmick that's easier to get a punny joke out of. Anyway, Foleysis, why don't you have .....a drink."
DUN. DUN. DUN.
Foleysis: ::takes a sip of drink:: "Hey!!!!!!! This is Hi-C Ecto Cooler! I haven't had this since like the second grade or something! Cool beans, guys!"
DUN. DUN. D oh, screw it. Nothing dramatic is even happening.
KaneRobot (With Yuri) vs. Mr. ANTI
(With Hardcore Kim)
Earlier in the night, the ANTI/Kim-Harb feud took an expected
turn, when the evil couple had the GX icon arrested. Now.. will
Harb return to interfere and help Kane win, without any explanation
on how he broke free from the cops without any repercussions?
Or is Harb really arrested? If it's the latter, we're pretty much
screwed. Oh well. The timekeeper rang that bell, and KR and The
ANTI One threw closed fists at each other, which is ILLEGAL. The
ref reminded them of this law, and ANTI shoved the poor bastard
to the ground, ending what could have been a great match with
a quick lame-ass DQ finish. Since the DQ had already been handed
down, the Most Evil Man in GX pulled a bag of oregano out of his
tights and blinded the Big Hanson-Lovin' Machine with the delicious
Italian seasoning. Hardcore Kim hopped into the ring and began
to stomp at the blinded KR, when YURI hopped on her back and tried
to apply the Taz-mission.
Kim: "Why do Yuri's sweatpants feel like sandpaper against my bac..EWWW!!! GET HIM OFF!!! GET HIM OFF!!!"
Kim escaped the wrath of the Taz-mission, and tried to run away from the "Heartbreak Kid of AOL", but it was no use. Yuri grabbed her faded "Born to Run" shirt and soon stripped the hardcore New Jersey Devil to a bikini. The drunken crowd hooted and hollered like madmen. Meanwhile, IN the ring, Kane ducked a series of ANTI elbows and chokeslammed the former Harbcore champion. The bikini-clad Kim ran around the ring, with Yuri chasing her, as the Benny Hill theme played.
::glass breaks::
::just kidding::
::sorry::
[Fade to black.]
sdfsf