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Davey reviews In Your House: Canadian Stampede

Let's take us back a little to roughly two years ago. Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin was still going on fued wise and The Hart Foundation was calling US wrestling fans a bunch of poopheads and buttfaces. The card originally had:

The 10 Man Stampede Match
Ahmed Johnson vs. Undertaker
Sid vs. Vader
Foley vs. Helmsley
Sasuke vs. TAKA

But Ahmed got his monthly injury and was forced out of the title match. Undertaker vs. Vader was scheduled at the last minute and everyone knew that Vader had no chance of winning. Sid was probably off doing softball or something. The free for all begins with WWF interviewing some Canadian Fans which solidifies my oath to never move to Canada. Dok Hendrix says hello Calgary and asks everyone if they are pumped.Lawler has a giant hat. Har Har. McMahon is dressed like my Uncle Terry at his hawaiian Gay Wedding. HEY A FREE FOR ALL MATCH!! Remember those?

GODWINNS~!!! vs. Blackjacks
You've got two of the greatest superstars of all time in Henry and Phineas Godwinn. On the other side you have a has been in Barry Windham and LotsOFlab's favorite wrestler in Bradshaw. Henry Godwinn immediately starts the match off by hitting Windham out of the ring and executing a picture perfect Tope Con Hilo. Phineas gets in the fun by hitting a Top Rope Moonsault to the floor on the prone Blackjack. Henry and Phineas then execute a double pescado on the Blackjacks. Henry rolls Bradshaw back in the ring and holds on to a large chunk of Braddy's tummy and hoists him in the air with a one handed press slam. Phineas springboard's off the ropes and into a 450 splash with a double leg twist moonsault. Henry hits the Stardust Press as Phineas rolls up Windham for the win. Amazing stuff by The Godwinns.

Match Rating:***** (as if there was any doubt)

A pretty crappy hype video for the 10 Man Stampede Match is shown. Not up to the WWF's standards.

Interview with the Hart Foundation. Hart has the 5 best Sharpshooters ever. Hart messes up only three sentences. Bulldog flexes. Neidhart strokes. Owen stares. Pillman sticks his tongue out. Bulldog gives a TERRIBLE interview. Laughably bad and he is wearing SUCH a homoerotic purple workout singlet. Owen fairs much better then his roided tag partner. Pillman gives a great psycho interview but I'm afraid he put to much heart into it. Anvil gives the interview discussed in Wrestling With Shadows. The table manners one.

More hype. More crap. The problem is they have Todd Pettingill narrating it and boy does he suck.

Lawler runs down Canadians. Lawler does a amazing one night "I like the faces because they are booed here" turn but in the states he loves Bret Hart. Lawler can be such a turd sometimes.

WWF IN YOUR HOUSE IS NEXT!!! ON WITH THE PPV!!

They recap the Hart-Austin fued and use the narrater that does the "For over 50 years the revolutionary force in sports entertainment". Fucking great hype video. There is nothing better then a WWF Hype montage and this one does not fail to dissapoint.

Vince McMahon makes me laugh out loud by screaming, "WELCOME TO CALGARY ALBERTAAAA CANADAAAAAA!! WELCOME TO THE CANADIAN STAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEDE!!"

The card:
10 Man Stampede Match
Vader vs. Undertaker
Sasuke vs TAKA
Helmsley vs. Foley

The only negative thing about this card was the little number of matches. Oh well you can't ask for everything.

Helmsley vs. Mankind
Helmsley is pre Suck It and has the SWANK robe. Mankind gets a good reaction. This was when he was a crappy face and before Dude Love was a great face (for about a month or so). Mankind is a house of fire to begin and taunts HHH with the bow. HHH to the outside and Mankind hits the Cactus Jack Elbowdrop from the apron. The crowd is pretty nutso for Mankind. In fact the crowd was pretty nutso all night. Chyna proves that two years in the WWF makes no difference by displaying her forearm that she uses now. Mankind takes a crazy ass bump where Helmsley tosses Mankind to Chyna who powerslams him into the stairs and his legs smash the pointy edges of the stairs which must have hurt like a bitch. Helmsley takes control and because Helmsley offense sucks real bad the match gets pretty dumb. A bunch of kicks, stalling, and kneedrops proceed to stink the match. At least they use match psycholigy by working on Mankind's knee. They do the "hits the turnbuckle and fall on too genitals" spot. Helmsley sells it like....uhh he got hit in the crotch. Helmsley turnbuckle flips into tree of woe and Mankind beats him up a little more. Mankind hits the tights pull Piledriver which always looks great. Cactus clothesline over the top and out. Helmsley hits Mankind with a chair on the butt. If there is a place NOT to hit Foley it's his gelatinous booty. Mankind and Helmsley go to the outside and brawl throughout the crowd for the Disqualification. Fun filled brawling ensues with the two wrestlers brawling in the penalty box of the arena. As they brawl throughout the evening, it's funny how Chyna is always 10 feet behind the wrestlers trying to catch up. Good stuff.

Match Rating: ***

Sunny and her big cans plug the Superstar Line. Honky Tonk Man and his big cans plug it as well.

DEEEEEEY GREATO SASUUUUUUUKAAAAAAAAAY vs. TAKA Michinoku
TAKA is announced from being from "Japan". JR: TAKA is making his PPV debut in SINGLES competition. ECW!! ECW!! Sasuke is announced from Japan as well. Sasuke's mask is somewhat so-so unlike his recent kickass rudo mask. For such a great competitor like him you have to have a kickass technico mask like Liger or Samurai (Post 1996). Both guys get zero reaction but TAKA does thumb up someone who probably had a pro TAKA sign. But before this masterpiece of wrestling begins, Helmsley and Foley are brawling some more throughout the arena and end up going to the back. On to the action. A guy walks by with a "THIS IS WORKRATE" sign. YAP. This was after Sasuke's two fractured skulls which really detiorated his skills. JR mentions Tiger Mask and that reminds me of the Tiger Mask vs. Dynamite Kid match from MSG where Vince just says, "OH MY" after everything. Lots of submissions to start and the crowd begins to get a bit impatient but about now some certain fans in Philidelphia would be chanting "PORK FRIED RICE" and "THESE GUYS SUCK" so this crowd is basically great. Sasuke kicks TAKA in the face and bends TAKA the wrong way with a half crab. TAKA comes back with the sitdown dropkicks right in Sasuke's face. Sasuke tosses TAKA over the ropes with a backdrop and TAKA goes flying about ten feet into the air. Sasuke jumps off the top with his flying dropkick to the floor which I hate because it looks so damn painful. Sasuke beats the shit out TAKA in the corner with kicks and just horrifically levels TAKA in the face with a spin kick. TAKA comes back and gets Sasuke out of the ring. He hits his No Hands Springboard Plancha. The first time I saw that my jaw dropped to the floor. The crowd IS NUTS. We are talking Kidman vs. Juvi nuts for these lightweights. TAKA gets tossed to the outside and Sasuke hits the Asai Moonsault and the crowd goes crazy. The commentary is priceless as JR spends a minute talking about how great these guys are and then Vince says "THE GREAT SASUKAAAAAAY" after everything JR says. TAKA suplexes Sasuke for a two count. TAKA hits a Ohtani style Springboard Dropkick sans the pouting. Sasuke hits a CRAZY Michinoku Driver 2 which just dumps Sasuke straight on his head with no support. Only a two count though. TAKA goes up top but gets dropkicked as he goes for the crossbody block. Sasuke hits a in the ring Asai moonsault for a two. Sasuke hits the Thunder Fire Power Bomb and follows it up with a Dragon Suplex for the three count. Wow. The most amazing thing is that they won over the crowd by wrestling a smart match. But considering many of these fans grew up with Dynamite Kid, Keichi Yamada (who became Jushin Liger), and Owen Hart coming in and out of the territory it might have been expected. The best WWF lightweight match since Sayama vs. Dymanite Kid from MSG and a overall fantastic match.

Match Rating: ****

Mankind and Helmsley are still brawling and they are going at it in the parking lot. Helmsley is bleeding and gets tossed into a schoolbus. Referee Jim Corderas takes a nasty spill. They finally get broken up and Helmsley pants a bunch.

They show Ahmed getting hurt. They should release a 60 minute video on Ahmed's injuries.

They show footage from the Royal Rumble as Paul Bearer jumps off the apron with the urn on to the Undertaker. Hilarious as Paul's gluttonous and grotesque body flies off the apron and he falls over after smashing Undertaker with it. Much funnier then it sounds.

WWF World Heavyweight Title Match: Undertaker vs. Vader
This was at the developmental stages of the Kane vs. Undertaker fued. Kane was still 3 months away from debuting. Vader is about 50 pounds lighter then his Mark Henry fued days. Undertaker gets a huge reaction as the lights go out and he slowly walks to the ring all spooky and scary. It takes Undertaker 1 minute and 42 seconds to get to the ring from the point of when he first started walking. Undertaker was feeling it tonight and Vader was just starting his sharp decline to supreme shittyness only to be restored with Kenta Kobashi in the ring. Undertaker with a Stinger Splash that is twice as better as Sting's. Undertaker walks the ropes because he can and the crowd goes nutso with love. Vader comes back with a Vader Attack but Undertaker sits up. Vader works pretty stiff tonight which is nothign but good. McMAhon calls Vader a "grizzly bear, mastadon, and monster". Vader goes over the top and out after a big boot by The Undertaker. On the outside Undertaker tastes the steps. Undertaker hits a great flying clothesline. The camera angle on it was great too. Paul Bearer does his best JJ Dillon impression by taking off his shoe and smacking Undertaker around with it. Vader climbs the ropes and hits a top rope Vader attack. Oh no its the Nerve Hold. I HATE the nerve hold. I cannot think of a dumber move then a nerve hold.ALL YOUR DOING IS TOUCHING IS SHOULDER!! Undertaker somehow manages to escape the dreaded nervehold and comes back with lefts and rights. Vader manages to get him in the corner and proceeds to beat the shit out of Undertaker. Undertaker fights back and teases a chokeslam but Vader goes low. They mess up the Piledriver spot but it's ok because Undertaker is able to turn it into a roll up of somekind. Vader goes up top for the Vader bomb but Undertaker hits him low and does the Akira Taue Nodowa off the top rope sans the twist. Vader kicks out at 2.9999. So Undertaker signals for the tombstone and hits it for the pinfall. Good match and a hell of a lot better then I expected coming in. The crowd heat was there and Undertaker looked a whole lot better then usual.

Match Rating: ***1/4

You too can win 1,000,000 dollars at Summerslam.

Some no name SLUT band sings the Canadian National Anthem. I Fast Forward. USA!! USA!!

10 Man Stampede Match: Goldust, Hawk, Animal, Ken Shamrock, and Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart, British Bulldog, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, and Brian Pillman
Goldust comes out without Marlena and Vince calls Marlena a "Super mom, super woman, and when she is with Goldust a super ring person". Super Ring Person? This is Steve Austin in his last heel role that I can remember and BOY does he play it perfectly. He plays the character in the states but just a bit more pissed off. And that little bit makes all the difference. Every team on the US is introduced to a chorus of boos. Pillman gets a MONSTER reaction, easily the biggest of his career. Neidhart gets another HUGE reaction, the biggest of his career. Bulldog gets the same incredible reaction, his biggest reaction outside of England. Owen arguably gets the biggest of his career. Bret gets a psychotic reaction from the fans rivaling Bulldog's Wembley Stadium reaction, Inoki's Tokyo Dome pops, or Hulk's Pontiac Silverdome crowd response. This is a small venue too and every fan is screaming like madmen. Amazing. Still not enough for him not to job to HBK at Survivor Series. Bret and Austin start out with Austin overselling everything Bret dishes out. Crowd is brewing fondues in there pants at this point. Austin comes back and they boo unmercifully like he just dragged Helen Hart in the ring and beat her with a stick. Neidhart comes in and after the great Austin-Hart series it took a suck break with Neidhart in. Shamrock beats up Neidhart pretty good for a bit until Jim tags in Pillman. Pillman's skills had completely detiorated at this point as it was a combo of terrible injuries and being out of the ring so long. Owen comes in to massive "OWEN!! OWEN!!" chants. Hawk comes in as the match takes another suck break. Hawk actually doesn't do too bad in this match as Bulldog comes in and gives the world's longest vertical suplex. He delivers the Running Powerslam for two. Everyone in this match including completely useless guys like Neidhart and Hawk are motivated by the insane crowd and work way above what they usually work. Bruce Hart intereferes which is really stupid and dumb and poopy smell. Owen gets his knee injured and goes back to the locker room to make it 5 on 4. Pillman gets pants and Stunnered by Austin. Bret makes the save and wraps Austin's leg around the ringpost then follows it up with the ultra cool figure four around the ringpost. Austin goes to the locker room with a knee injury and the sides are even again. Shammy sends Bret sternum first into the turnbuckle. It wouldn't be a important Hart match without him getting rammed sternum first into the turnbuckle. Bulldog and Shamrock lay the foundation for their Summerslam match as Bulldog does the fakest looking punches ever. Bulldog hits a Superplex on Goldust. Austin comes back from the locker room to make it 5 on 4 again. Bret does ANOTHER Sternum first bump into the turnbuckle when Austin gets in. Bret unleashes the five moves but Animal interrupts the Sharpshooter. Huge brawl ensues a bit later and Owen rolls up Austin for the pin. Great match. Post match has Steve Austin try and fight the whole family and eventually get arrested.Hart family pours in and it's revealed that Owen Hart has a good looking wife in a slutty cowboy outfit. If anyone deserves a hot wife it is Owen. I scan my database for a "why Julie Hart can't go in the ring" fat joke.

Match Rating: ****

Overall: Best Pay Per View of 1997 as every match was over 3 stars which is just about impossible these days. The crowd was one of the best crowds ever as they got into ever single match. Comparable to the Summerslam 92 Wembley Stadium crowd. Bret Hart's last great WWF performance (I'm not going to count HBK vs. Bret Series 97), Neidhart, Bulldog and LOD's last great match anywhere, Pillman's final hurrah. Here is a chart to see where everyone is now:

Bret Hart = Jobbing to Booker T and DDP. Mid Carder.
Neidhart = Released by WCW
Bulldog = In hospital about to get possible career ending surgery
Pillman = Dead
Owen = Stuck in tag ranks using manager's tits to get over
Austin = Biggest wrestling superstar ever
LOD = Thinking about retiring hopefully
Shamrock = About to propel from the mid card ranks
Goldust = Getting a career resurgance

The only downside to this card was the lack of matches. But with the 2 hours of solid wrestling it gave us I think that can be forgiven. Also, from here the WWF started teasing it's more mature attitude and the USA-Canada angle got really stupid.