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When Mel Gibson and Danny Glover hitched a ride on the buddy action-comedy genre with this series of movies, they were successful in garnering good box office numbers, laughs, and explosions all around. But was it truly enough? I mean they had this grand cake of vapid entertainment and yet desperately needed a sweet icing to make this cake even more of a legacy to all of those who tried it.
As opposed to the Murtaugh air freshener I would have preferred, the icing they chose was this video game and it's flavor was truly unforgettable.
I mean when the only joy you get out of playing a video game is escaping it's crappiness through dying, you know you have a bad game on your hands. The sad part, in this poorly licensed and thought-out bit of drudgery, is it's almost impossible to die. I've literally left the room with a guy violently shooting Riggs in the head and come back minutes later from my library/restroom to find him still very much alive to my chagrin. I know Mel Gibson seems a bit dense but he surely doesn't have the density to withstand forty shotgun blasts to the head. To withstand that, you'd need an adamantium skeleton or, at the very least, a good helmet. A REALLY fucking good helmet.....A helmet encrusted with mystical diamonds having the ability to magically melt bullets before impacting upon your head....
I don't know. Besides, the inability to die, there's nothing about this game that really sits all that well with me. To understand, just take a look at my synopsis of the first level....
Plot: I'm in the woods with log cabins.
Remember that one part in Lethal Weapon 2 when Joe Peshi accidentally blew up that log cabin and, out of nervousness and fear, he began rapidly sputtering a flurry of non-words as an explanation of what happened to the amusement of our two beleaguered cops. Neither do I....
Villains: A bunch of guys in purple shirts shooting me with what looks like potato guns. We all know how scary purple shirts and potato guns are.
Plot: Still in the woods....Still not dying no matter how hard I try.
Villains: A slew of street tough, black guys who hold on to their stomach like it's in terrible pain. When you can imagine a caption for your foe that says something like, "Can you rub my tummy tum and make it feel all better?", it's clear you need to find new foes.
End Boss: A guy who looks like Captain Lou Albano with a headband. Imagine this character jumping ten feet in the air, stir in a little slow motion kicking and punching, and you've found yourself a million laughs in a handy pixelated form.
Power-Ups: Armor. If that isn't the most retarded, redundant thing ever. You already lack the ability to die so what good is it to be invincible. That would be like me putting a sign on my fan that says "free" on it and then me getting really excited about finding a "free" fan in my house. Absolutely retarded....
Plot: I may be out of the woods. I forget now. The one thing I do know is that I'm definitely not dead.
Villains: Stevie Wonder impersonators. That's exactly what they looked like. That makes this level really a lot like Moonwalker without the dancing.....or winning plot.
End Boss: Three bombs. How do you diffuse them? With your feet. What do I think of the people who made this game? They're geniuses, plain and simple.
Power-Ups: Just when it can't get any stupider, I just realized the armor lasts multiple minutes. Thank you game designers! I really needed that extra bit of help. I was having hard enough time not dying but now...now, I can even do a better job of....not dying. Greeeeat.....
As much as this game sucks, it still does have some redeeming qualities, I suppose. Well, maybe that's being a bit kind. How about one redeeming quality? That quality would be that Murtaugh and Riggs were given the physical attributes of midgets. That is so cool. A decent sized torso, Vienna sausage fingers, stubby appendages, a large bulbous head.....what more you could you ask for? If only the digitized midgets of Murtaugh and Riggs were with me now.......
----Cue Dream Sequence----
*Murtaugh and Riggs pull a gun on Trevor*
Midget Riggs: We prefer to be called "little people".
Midget Murtaugh: Yeah, you tell him, Riggs.
Midget Riggs: I just did.
Midget Murtaugh: I know. Way to tell him, buddy.
Midget Riggs: Alright then...
Midget Murtaugh: Show him who's boss. Midgets, my ass!
*Riggs shoots Murtaugh in the head and Trevor wakes up*
Oooooook. Not only does this game haunt me in real life, it's now haunting me in my dreams. This is definitely not a good sign. Not at all...... Wait a second......On second note, I think I've finally found the perfect gift to give ex-girlfriends on their birthdays. Oh yes.
*Steeples hands in menacing way*
- Lethal Weapon for Nintendo: five dollars at a flea market