|"As the successor to our cause, Count Magnus Lee would tell us that ruling over the Earth without human opposition is 'hideously boring.' Oh, our master relishes his battles with the Belmonts; it makes countless years of rest, horrifically monotonous, worth it, if not to finally destroy his persistent enemies. Dracula can become so bored while waiting for that hero to arrive that he'll do anything to keep his mind occupied. He would even, say, do a little a role-playing--maybe he'd want to have some fun and for once play the role of Belmont hero. In Dracula's Quest, our Dark Lord finally gets that chance."|
By Sam Mills
Dracula had just been resurrected after 100 years of hell. Not that he minded Hell that much; he actually enjoyed it sometimes. But hell was so boring, and it was great to be on the earth again. Now he was free to release his wicked ways onto a world that, though full of evils, did not match the darkness that laid in his one heart.
A top his balcony, he was rather bored one day. So he decided to play a little game with himself. Looking down below, he had yet to see a Belmont on his way to get him. It was still very early in his reign, despite that his castle of traps were fully operational. He wondered himself if even he could get through his castle "alive". He'd been beaten so often, maybe the castle was too easy.
Dracula went off to town. Once there, he stole some boring "human" outfit from the Belmont's normal tailor, a whip, and a head band. Then, he went back to the castle gates, and entered into his domain. He made himself a few rules, of course, or else the game wouldn't be much fun, would it? He reminded himself, "No magic, no powers, no breaking character. They need to see me as a Belmont, and not as their lord, or else this just won't work!" After that, it was time to start Dracula's Quest.
As Dracula went through the main hall, he was attacked by ghosts...in purple sheets! "What the hell is this? Is this supposed to be scary?" He took his whip, and began striking them down one by one. In bursts of flames, they went out like flies under his skill. It was actually kind of fun, but he knew this was too easy. "No wonder those idiots get through this part so fast!"
Then, he went down to the underground river, where silly mermen jumped up and came towards him. Again, he whipped the down, and they burst away. One of them spit water at him. "Hey, ugly creature! What was that all about?" he said, sarcastically impersonating a Belmont. "I'm a Belmont warrior, how dare you spit at me. Aaaaaagh!"
After taking out a few mermen, he was starting to feel pretty good about himself. "This vampire hunting business is too easy! But I must admit, it is f..u..." Then he stopped. He knew he better not say how much he was enjoying himself. It was supposed to be work for the humans, not a play ground.
Then, Dracula met up with a huge bat the size of his ex-wife, Lisa. "Hey you, bat brain! Let's go!" Dracula waited, and when it was time, took a swing. One shot, and the bat was gone.. It was too easy. Apparently, he'd used a little bit of his inhuman power. Afraid his cover was blown, he looked around, but no one saw it. So he continued on his quest.
As he continued, things got a lot more wild, and increasingly difficult. But Dracula was a natural. He made his way quite quickly, whipping off heads, and blowing up bats, zombies, and other creepy things. He was starting to feel really proud of himself for how well he was doing, he forgot how bad it was for him that anyone could make their way through this! He made his way successfully past Medusa, Frankenstein, even dancing ghosts!
Finally, he made his way to his best friend, the Grim Reaper. He chuckled at the thought of fooling even the Reaper, so he was ready to put on his best performance, and approached the Reaper. "Hey you!" he yelled in a deep, disguised voice. "Belmont here! Get ready to get you knickers licked!"
The Reaper looked at him with a surprised look on his face. "I wasn't expecting to see you in a while. You must be some warrior!" the Reaper said.
"Quite right, and I'm going to take you down, just like the rest of these pitiful demons before you!" Dracula said.
The Grim Reaper laughed. "Let's get it on! I'll kill you before you even get the see the tip of Dracula's toes!"
The two of them fought it out for quite a while, Dracula deflecting sickle-circles with his whip, and throwing axes at the Reaper, tearing his robe. The Reaper was tough! Dracula was starting to feel he was getting a real work out from this! But he couldn't let his friend know just how tough he thought he was. "Gee, your not that tough! I bet that Dracula is going to be soooooo hard!"
The Reaper stopped, and started to laugh hysterically. "Are you joking? You think I'm easy? Yeah, I may give in after a while from boredom, but that's the only way you'll ever get to Dracula! And I'll tell you, he's easier to beat than a baby being hung up by it's toes!"
Dracula stopped. "WHAT!"
"Yeah, he may think I'm his friend, but I'll tell ya, the only reason I'm friends with that fiend is because he gives me lots of souls to terrorize!" the Reaper laughed some more, then continued. "And when you see his fangs (giggle) you'll realize that he may bark like a dog, but he has the teeth of rabbit!" He continued to laugh even harder.
Dracula walked up to him and snapped his whip. "I'll give you one last chance to tell me the truth of how scary, difficult, and supreme Dracula REALLY is!"
The Reaper stopped laughing, then said, "Yeah, he's really scary. I must admit. He's soooo scary, you may wet yourself."
Dracula was flattered. "Really? He's that scary? Will I shake in my boots?"
The Reaper looked very serious, then he started laughing again, "Yeah, you'll shake until you see his face! Talk about a baby face! You'd have a scarier time going to a sewing circle!"
The anger began to rage inside of Dracula. He didn't want to get out of character, but he couldn't take it much longer. He ripped the head band off his head, making it very clear who he was. His eyes got red hot, and his nails long and sharp. Immediately, the Grim Reaper realized who he really was, and his mouth opened wide as he gasped. "My lord, I...I..."
"How dare you say these things about me! You infidel! How dare you suggest that I am such a baby, that I have no fangs! If you weren't already dead, I would kill you where you stand!" Dracula raged. He was literally starting to fume steam of anger from his pores. He grabbed the Reaper by the neck and threw him to the ground.
The Reaper was trying to say something more, but Dracula wouldn't hear of it. If he couldn't kill him, he could at least have fun pretending to! The Reaper was pointing to the exit of the room, which lead to the balcony. "Do you think I'm weak now? Do you think I'm weak NOW!? Huh? I can't hear you!" The Reaper kept pointing to the doorway out until finally Dracula looked over.
Through the window, Dracula could see up into the balcony where his chambers lie. There was someone there! Dracula let the Grim Reaper go, and demanded an explanation.
"He must have snuck past us while we were fighting, my lord! The real Belmont is up there looking for you now!" the Reaper said. Quickly, Dracula ran out and up the stairs to where a Belmont was waiting patiently.
The Belmont was a little shocked by this sight, and Dracula was embraced. "I...I can explain this," Dracula said. "I didn't know you were here." The Belmont smirked, waving his whip around, wondering exactly what to do next. "Well, you made my job pretty easy. I came in to the castle, and everything was already dead. Apparently, someone got here before me and killed of all the demons. All I had to do was walk. Do you know what that means?"
Dracula didn't have the slightest clue. "No, what does that mean?" he asked, huffing and puffing after his tiresome fight with the Grim Reaper.
The Belmont went on to explain that normally, Dracula got to rest and take it easy, lounging in his coffin, while a member of his family has to work his butt off to finally get to him. But this time, it was reversed. "You did all the work, and I'm the rested one. Which means, I'm going to so easily defeat you!" Dracula's eyes bulged in terror, for he knew what the Belmont said was the truth. One strike from the Belmont, and Dracula was on the floor. A few more strikes, and he was so black and blue, he could barely breath. It was so pathetic, the Belmont actually felt sorry for him for once. "I'll tell you what, Dracula. How about you take this cycle off, and just go away?"
Agreement was so easy, Dracula snapped his fingers, and the castle began to crumble. He was so tired, something he hadn't felt in a long time. As the walls came tumbling down around him, all Dracula could do was think about how relaxing it was going to be in the afterlife. "100 years of sleep...it won't be enough after putting up with this crap!"