|"...OK, then. Mmm-hmm. Yep. Suuuuuuuure. I see your game now. See, what you did is to pick me--and I don't why me, but that's what you did--and you stick me all the way down here to watch over this so-called 'library.' Even though you already have a site section called 'Multimedia,' where you'd think such literature would be better preserved, you decide that it should be me who suffer. Oh, I guess you've just got to do what you've got to do. So let's take a peek at what's on the menu tonight: Why, it's Castle of the Dead by Phillip the Great. Ol' Phil presents to you this, um ... interesting tale that'll shock you, surprise you and even make you question the existence of mankind. I know I did."|
Castle of the Dead
By Phillip the Great
Chapter 1: Castle of the Dead
It all started when Soma and Death were fighting. Before Death supposedly "died," he cast a spell on Soma. Death: In 10 years from now you yourself will release a virus that turns everyone into a zombie. Fast forward 10 years soma and mina are married they have a son named sam. One day after going out to taco bell soma goes home to crap.He flushes it not knowin what will happen. two days later on the news they report that everybody in the world has been turned into zombies.(execpext for the authors select few)soma remembers mina and Sam went to the fair! He tries to do something but family guy is on tv!!!!!I know what is more inporttant he gets up and grabs the keys to the fried get Sams taco and pours a bottle of sprite. All done he sits back down his devil and angel connice come up. Devil: Soma you did the right thing. Angel:Yes soma you did. Soma: You guys wanna watch family guy? Yeah sure.
Soma got worried though it was his and minas special nite but she wasn't home. He found a note that said meet me at silent hill. Sorry wrong story. He found a note that said its your fault im dead(and family guys). P.s. Your conchimce suks bye .Soma was sad the zombies ate mina and Sam. Soma went to castlevania got that annoying clock bunny and made richter alacaurd@maria come to the furtrue. Then they came richter looked at soma well aren't you gonna say who the he!! Are you. Not yet bring maria's sis then we talk. 2 seconds later there we go. Who the he!! Are you they all said im soma…..Hey do you got any ice cream hey shut up this is my dads castle moochers oh shut up alacaurd your dad is dead. So my mother was nicer. Goes back to memory Placard get in here and kill this Belmont you brought home. But dad I don't wanna I want to live with mommy. Yep those were the good ol days. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh a zombie theres 1/2./3/ shut up richter you always got to be right??? Alacaird:theres a billion happy?? No ricther shut up or you want get a treat. Yes mam shut up I lost my wife twoday!!!! So find you another chick hey good advice.. Simons voice is heard how come im not in the story. The interview guy comes up cause you're a sissy .Simon throws holy water on him that's it!!!!! They leave that was weird well any ways were traped in a castle surroned by zombies what do we do???? Soma gets a mirco phone and just about hollers at the zombies. Maria: Soma if they get exiceted were screwed well this should scare them off. ALL ZOMBIES LEAVE OR WILL CALL BARNEY OUT TO GET YOU!!!1
The zombies moved so widly it looked like….Humping this remined alacaurd of something maria we got to go. Maria's sis: Go do what? Maria: What alacaurd does best!!!!!!!! Can hear weird noisies alacaurd heat me up again every body go s in the room and see whats goin on. Oh alaucard in the mouth yea. richter runs in what are you doin in here????????? Maria: Bakin brownies!!!! Richter: oh okay. Zombies broke in the castle every one starts whipping and sliceing! Richter wait everyone everyone stops .Music plays now whip it that's good music .They all fight again the zombies are held off. I know what to do defeat them. Power of sire all zombies are destroyed we destroyed all the zombies. Not all the whole world is zombies...
Chapter 2: City of the Dead
Are heroes Soma maria and shut up they know who the heroes are you wrote the last story yesterday!!!! Fine then soma do you want to tell the story. Uhh holy water!!!! Hey this isn't my job this is mk's. Back to the story. The castle is over run by zombies our heroes try and run to the city but zombies get in there way!! Alacuard: Everyone watch my cool trick! Richter: Alacaurd that was cool in 97 not now. (Alacuard mumbeles) They run to the city but a zombie grabs maria. Hey you zombie let go of my wife alacuard says! Shhhh be quiet its me leon from resdeint evil 2! Alacuard: You b@st@rd people say your game is better than mine. Maria richter and alacuard start beatin him up he dies. Our heroes hide in a theater.
A movie comes up on sceern. It was (gremlin theme plays) GiGli staring ben affelck everyone run!!!!!!! Says soma. Hey run out of the theater. Zombies: Uhhhhhhhh brains. Maria: Soma maybe we should go back in the theater. Demon woman no not was gigi is on!!!!! They run to walmart and hide in the game section. Alacaurd: What they sell lament but not sotn im afaid the world is in deep trouble!!! (I the author do not think lament is bad but you know just alacaurds reaction!) Richter: Hey they got sotn 2 alright!!! The zombies brake in. They run to the guns section. Nooo all they sell is crappy rifels!! Our heroes leave walmart. They run to burger king they walk in. Zombies: Hey wait a few were on our lunch break. Five mins later. Okay were ready walk in again. Our heroes walk they see a zombie eating a burger. Fred stop eating okay. Uhhhhhh brains. Soma: why did we come in here? Author: I told you to wahhhh.
Our heroes leave they find a abandoned pimp mobile lets ride they say! Soma: Theres only one somebody will have to ride that scuffy pup jr. They play rock paper scissors. Haha Alacaurd you have to ride it. Are heroes ride off as the sun sets. Soma: I know will make it out alive slap Maria: Stop bein such a drama queen you girl.
Chapter 3: The Ultimate Battle
Our heroes are riding in to their destinys when… Annete: Our you telling the right story?? Author: Yeah but it has to be a little cool. The sun faded deaths face appered. Death: Come to my mountain home we will fight there. Richter: I accept his challenge but if he doesn't have ice tea he's in for a rough battle! They drove and they drove and they partied and drove more. Richter: There it is the ice tea bar oh yeah deaths castle who cares? Soma: He took away my wife…. He took away my sprite most of all he took away my tv! Ill never forgive that @sshole. (soma bust into tears) Maria: Its okay man your tv is in a better place.
They walked in hello all death said would you like Lemonade? Richter: First soma's tv then no ice tea your heart is cruel isn't it? Soma: You took my tv away when I was watching family guy! (Jumps foreward to attack death blocks it) All: Death you cruel hearted B@st@rd He was watching family guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Death: if you hurt me seth mcfarlne will feel major pain!!! All: (In speed racer quick voice) With out seth there will be no new eposodies If there are no more new show we will be screwed!!!! Hoo Hah Hooooooooo. (sorry had to do the speed racer thing!!) Richter jumped foreward and hit death but saved seth in the process death sliced him!
Soma: Richter atleast when you die youll die knowing you did good for the world!!!!!! Richter: Seth I died for family guy those better be some damn good new shows!! Seth: They will be that they will. Richter: Uh uh. Annete: No Richter!!!! They all attacked death only soma survived. Death: (badly hurt) Looks like its me and you soma heheheh. Soma: Youll die for everyone you killed namely my tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Death: No soma killed me death fades out. All the people death ever killed fly up. Tv: Soma wev'e had good times we had bad times but I want you to know I'll always rember you. Soma: Good bye!!!! The threat is over the world is safe.
Chapter 4: Soma's Second Quest!
Soma: Poor mina and sam new family guys are coming may 1st but there dead so they cant watchem. ( Stutters) Neither can I! I don't have a tv.. What cruel hearted b@st@rds would do this??? (camera centers on death) Me wahhhh. ( back to soma) I got to call my bro!! (Dials number) Hey is coma there?? Comas wife: No he"s in the hospital. Heres his number. ( Soma calls) Hey bro why ya in the hsipital? Coma: Soma im going to die I have… Soma: constipation diarea heart burn? Coma: No I have. Soma: I can bring Ex laxs! Coma: I have testicular cancer! Soma: That's cool you think I can borrow $200000000? Coma: Why? Soma: For a big screen HD tv! Coma: I guess…. Soma: I can! Coma Coma! damnit he"s dead! Soma: Well ive got 2 bucks to my name ill go to LAS VEGAS!!!!! Ill play the slots.
(Two dollars later) Well I didn't win nothing! (Goes home) Well I guess ill miss family guy(starts to cry) Wait! Maybe Leon can help me! (Goes and gets the damn rabbit and summons leon) Soma: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Leon! Leon: yea. Soma: Ive got a plan. Leon okay? Soma: We battle Dracula and get a prize money and I shoot you in the head so you don't get any sound good? Leon: Lets go! Soma: Were in shafts pimp room. Leon: Dude awesome Zombie hoochies!!! Soma: With big Hooters!!!!! (They stop staring and deafet the hoochies.) (Shaft appears) Shaft: You hve beaten my hoocihes! Soma: (I beat more than that) Shaft: Now fight me! Leon: Hey phillip can you erase him? Phillip: I guess. (Fight scene is over) Now to deaths chamber!!!! Soma: Who ever knew death liked care bears??? Leon: Ya moma! Soma: Well I killed death so lets leave! Leon: Lets get the big D!! Soma: Never ever say that again okay?
(Dracula appears) Dracula: Now have at you! Soma: Is there any reason your Panties and pasties? Dracula: Some of us like to explore! Soma: uhhhhh screw swords! (pulls out a shotgun) (Blows dracs head off) Soma: Now its your turn leon! (BAM) (Soma looks at the moon) Soma: Oh crap I got 30 mins to family guy! (gets reward money) (goes to bestbuy on gets a HD plasma screen TV) Now to get a sprite and watch family guy!
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