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I Have to be the First?
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:09 pm    Post subject: I Have to be the First? Reply with quote

#1 suspect: Kevin Sullivan.

Woman, oh Woman, won't you bury me now? Oh no wait, you're dead, too.




This concludes the most offensive post in GIncognto history.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Seriously, if any of you ever plan on having kids, if you know anyone who has children, if you have a job where you work with children - tell them not to become a pro wrestler. The shit's fucking cursed. It'd be one thing if all these wrestlers dropped dead because of all the steroid/drug use, but then stuff like this happens. And man, the legacy of the Hart family and their associates just becomes more haunting every year.

The circumstances here are so strange and tragic. To quote one of my favorite Wrens songs: "And ya can't even cry". Honestly, I'm just not that upset or shocked because nothing that happens in the wrestling business on or off-camera surprises me at this point.

I just had a conversation with a friend about wrestling the other day and we got into a thing about how awesome Bret Hart and Chris Benoit were. Benoit became a little overrated by the smart mark community, but he really was one of the best around for about a solid decade or so. After reading G's cryptic post, I Googled around for info and on some site, they had that picture from the Wrestlemania where Benoit and Eddy Guerrero had the World titles, raising each other's arms, surrounded by confetti. What a sad fucking picture that's now become. Somewhere some idiot is saying that "Eddy and Benoit are having a five-star classic in heaven tonight".

Enjoy teaching the fans to be sympathetic and take this seriously, after two weeks of "Vince McMahon died" programming, Vince! I love Benoit too much to do the peeing thing, but in honor of GX and our traditions:

SHUT THE FUCK UP JOKING ABOUT BENOIT DYING G, YOU ASSHOLE
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Remember, guys. Chris Benoit appeared on several episodes of Sloptro. He even faced Battle Monkey in what is now a sad dead guy vs. dead guy battle. Old Sloptros are becoming like 1990's WWF PPVs; half the guys on 'em are dead.

Although in GX's case, we actually had guys on the shows who were dead at the time.

Smart Mark in Crowd is officially on suicide watch.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 7:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really can't even think of anything funny to say (especially since the "Won't you marry me now" thing has already been done). This is really screwy. I hope they don't just brush Vince off, he deserves his time too.
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

1wrestling.com: "Benoit had been scheduled to appear on a WWE house show on Saturday. Sources tell us Benoit called to first say he would be taking a later flight, and then to say he would not be attending the house show due to a family illness. According to one source, Benoit said both his wife and son were throwing up blood and he needed to stay to take care of them."

I'd say that he comes home to find them dead and then kills himself, but now reports have the investigation being treated as a "homicide." That would rule out something like carbon monoxide poisoning (though "vomiting blood" suggests some type of poisoning).
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Am I allowed to type the :::'s? Then talk about pulling down my Canadian Zippler, unleashing my flaccid wolverine, and peeing in a straight line across his throat? Too soon? Could I do it to Don Knotts instead?
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Double-murder/suicide. There's a new one for us.

Odds on it actually being Woman going nuts? Come on, she used to do the satanic gimmick.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope McMahon gets cut a little slack. The death storyline wasn't so much offensive to me as it was stupid. It would have went on a little longer and culminated with Vince coming out and screaming about how he "fooled all of you!" and that would have been it. Could anyone have predicted all of these deaths right afterwards? This is weird even by wrestling standards. What I find most unsettling is "celebrating the life" of a man who murdered his wife and kid.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"I can bring them back...
but they'll all be mindless
zombies under my control."
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's always the chance that she did the murdering part.

Without weapons, what did Benoit do - choke or strangle himself? His arms couldn't reach.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One article I read said he killed them a few days ago, and didn't kill himself until today.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If they tried to put me into ECW, I don't think I'd ever stop killing people.

And that's the tragedy nobody is acknowledging. ECW completely wasted a draft pick.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The saddest part is that the 7-year-old will need the biggest coffin.

Boom boom! Aw man, where are you when I need you, AOL Wrestling Chat?
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HelloDes wrote:
The saddest part is that the 7-year-old will need the biggest coffin.

Boom boom! Aw man, where are you when I need you, AOL Wrestling Chat?



aol://4344:663.matrap.5663352.500318299

It's cold and empty in that place. It's like Mark Henry's fridge 23 hours and 59 minutes of each day.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww! They removed the "I DID IT" shirt from the WWE website! NO FAIR!
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hope we somehow get to find out how the "who killed Vince" angle was going to end. But I wouldn't bet on it, because the writers probably didn't even know yet.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BILL FUCKING APTER is on Fox News! This has all been worth it. I demand to see a crotchety old man sitting behind a typewriter at a desk, wearing a visor. "Matt Brock, longtime wrestling journalist, can you shed some light on this situation?"


I was highly amused by Stephanie's latest bit of acting, talking about how warm Chris was and what a kind, emotional person he was...while his closest friends said that he was someone who rarely let anything get to him and was essentially a rock. She also managed to get in how awesome her marriage to HHH was 3 or 4 times.

Speaking of which, HHH towed the company line nicely, getting in a RECORD BREAKING number of references to "respect for the business."

Really, while it's depressing to see people like Chavo Guerrero, Dean Malenko (close friends) and CM Punk (who idolized him) talk about this...when the cameraman zooms in on Edge's face just as he's breaking down and gets so DRAMATICALLY CLOSE you can count the fucking hairs on his head, it's hard to think they had perfectly pure intentions.

I suppose the nice bonus for WWE was they already had this plan for dramatic multi-angle shots set up for people reminicing about Vince. Hey, at least it wasn't for nothin'.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, so he ties up Woman, smacks her head against something, strangles her, then wraps her in a blanket. Then he suffocates his kid a while later. Then he lounges around the house for a day with the bodies just sitting there, before hanging himself with a pulley cable from a weight machine. Oh, but at least he put a bible next to the bodies. Usually a sign of regret/remorse!

Still want to hold back the pee-pee, Discoman? Wolverine, maybe. Rabid? Yeah. Vanilla Midget? Definitely.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't like to brag, but I called this. Two years ago on the old GX vgmuseum board, I predicted that Chris Benoit would no-show a PPV and spend a weekend strangling his wife, smothering his son, and hanging himself on weight equipment. Okay, so I said "Cyber Sunday" instead of "Vengeance," so I have to admit that my guess wasn't 100% accurate. But a couple of the other details were kind of close. Just go back and look at the thread if you don't believe me.
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The real tragedy is that we'll never know if he killed himself because he felt horrible about what he had done, or because the house was getting kind of stinky. I mean between the corpses and dogs that needed to be let out, P.U.!

I still say it was just an innocent satanic ritual gone wrong. Nancy lived the gimmick.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now that the story has morphed from "Oh my god, Chris Benoit's been found dead" to "Holy shit, Benoit murdered his 7 year-old son and wife and then killed himself!?" - it's even weirder.

What's tragic, ironic and sadly fitting in this completely fucked-up business is that Benoit was a guy for the diehards. He was a smaller-stature guy who didn't dress up, do crazy gimmicks or say stupid things. So basically, he was a guy that a lot of fans liked because he was one of those people who didn't make them feel embarrassed to be wrestling fans. He was someone you could point to that didn't seem ridiculous. At work today, I overheard a co-worker say "Oh my god, did you hear about that wrestler killing his wife? Must be roid rage with those idiots". So yeah, way to go with that, Chris.

And screw HHH and his "respect the business" crap. It's a shady business where people are backstabbed, fucked over, chewed up and spit out all the time. While The Rock is nursing all of his old injuries, having people treat him like a star on some soundstage out in L.A., I'm sure the last thing he thinks about is giving back to a business where you travel around the world, get your body banged around and have fans call you "sell out" at the drop of a dime. The Rock and Jericho were smart. They got out while they were still young. Baby, they were born to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gotta love the Wrestling Observer spellcheck:

The AP reported that law enforcement officials close to the investigation have confirmed the current belief that Chris Benoit strangled wife Nancy with an electrical chord on Saturday...

I wonder which electrical chord he used. The one at the beginning of "A Hard Day's Night" would be good.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

1Wrestling.com has learned through several sources that one of the text messages sent by Chris Benoit early Sunday morning said "back door open, dogs have been fed".

This message, along with others received over the weekend, caused WWE officials to alert authorities and to ask them to go to the Benoit residence to investigate.


Where is RAW next Monday? I want to hold up a sign that reads "BACK DOOR OPEN, DOGS HAVE BEEN FED." This will forever crown me King of the Smarks.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 5:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think somebody's topped the inanity of "Chris and Eddie are having a five-star match in heaven":

http://www.1wrestling.com/news/newsline.asp?news=29057

SCOTT HUDSON: CHRIS BENOIT'S FOURTH VICTIM
By: Scott Hudson

Not a human victim. As the beautiful Nancy and the young Daniel lay dead and dying in their new home, Chris was slowly suffocating another victim as he ended his own life. He killed what shred of innocence was left in wrestling. I know that’s akin to lamenting the loss of integrity in the legal profession - but there was a little bit left.

The innocence was found in the locker room, in a backstage handshake and embrace between two athletes, in ribbing among the members of the fraternity. As kayfabe went the way of the dinosaur, the wall of insulation constructed from the inside out by those in the business grew higher. One knew that any casual hotel lobby conversation with a fan or radio show guest shot would be on the internet in mere minutes. Nothing wrong with that. But we knew that the only people you could trust - albeit very little - were those in the locker room with you. They knew. They understood. The pain. The travel. The pain. The loneliness. The pain. The frustration. That common thread linked everyone. They knew you and you knew them. Maybe not personally - but you just knew. Everyone around you began in small buildings with even smaller pay-offs and much larger aches and bruises. We were all on the same team - no matter what.

Suicide is an awful thing. Whether it’s the coward’s way out is a matter for the bumper sticker writers. That person is still just as dead. Wrestling has had its share of intentional and unintentional suicides. Insert the word murder in place of suicide and that statement rings just as true. But murder/suicide? Of a child? Like he has so often - Chris Benoit raised the bar.

Double-crosses occur in every profession without exception. Salesmen, attorneys, entertainers, bureaucrats - makes no difference. Wrestlers included. But like the old saw dictates regarding families, “We may fight among ourselves but God help the outsider that fights one of us. You fight one of us - you fight all of us.” That was a strong bond among wrestlers. That was part of the innocence.

The biggest marks in the building are backstage. We believed that we knew - as much as we reasonably expect - those in there with us. We put our lives in each others hands and trusted them not to injure us. We believed. We knew.

George Carlin noted, “People say ‘sometimes you just don’t know.’ That’s not true. Sometimes you do know. You just don’t want to say it out loud.” Now we know. The guy you’re in the ring with; the man you’re working out spots with; the guy next to you in the rental car - he could kill his family. What? That won’t happen? You just know it couldn’t happen. How do you know that?

Nancy and Daniel will be forever mourned as the victims of a mad man and a madman. Their memorial service will be tearful pageant celebrating their lives. As well it should be. The man who killed them was working out spots with Elijah Burke three nights previously.

We can no longer assume that just because we’re in the same biz and have paid the same dues that we are all hard-wired the same way. We are not. Chris, the son of a bitch, killed that, too.



Ho-lee shit.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HelloDes wrote:
Where is RAW next Monday? I want to hold up a sign that reads "BACK DOOR OPEN, DOGS HAVE BEEN FED." This will forever crown me King of the Smarks.

Des almost killed ME with that one.

::pisses on Scott Hudson::
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not to worry, fellow VGMuseum.com members: Dave Meltzer and his 28-inch afro are making the rounds on TV to assure us that everything is OK.

I have an exclusive clip of Meltzer on the scene.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I laughed at this quote from yet another article about the situation:

"We were hoping to see (WWE wrestler) John Cena, but now we're going home," said Ray Gonzalez, clutching a large yellow poster that read "you can't see me" as he walked away from the arena with his 5-year-old son, Hurley Joe, and his wife, Gloria Gonzalez.


That Scott Hudson thing is just nuts.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's no Benoit merchandise for sale anymore on WWE's website, TNA has removed all references to him on their site and WWE has replaced the heartwarming "let's remember him smiling" post-death picture with one of him scowling. I hope you guys have copies of the Benoit DVD.

WWE's now in the uncomfortable position of having to apologize for paying tribute to a guy who killed a child and a woman. This is totally a Wrestlecrap induction.

I hate to indulge in some revisionist history because nobody saw this coming. But, judging by what we know and comments from people who knew him - Benoit was a methodical, distant, cold guy. Right now I picture his face and it doesn't seem that shocking that he's a serial killer.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 9:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

With all the bad that's happened, let's stop and reflect on the one blessing of good that's come from this bloodbath... Johnny Nitro is a world champion! Congratulations to Johnny!
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 9:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh, and because this story hasn't already been heartwarming enough...

DANIEL BENOIT HAD NEEDLE MARKS IN ARM, HAD BEEN TAKING GROWTH HORMONE
By: Bob Ryder
The story keeps getting more and more bizarre. In an interview with ESPN.com, District Attorney Scott Ballard reveals needle marks were found on the arms of Daniel Benoit and he had been injected with growth hormones because "the family considered him undersized".



Daniel's father is Chris Benoit. His mother is Woman. What would "undersized" mean, with that combination of DNA?

I'm thinking the one on the left:
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Harb



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another victim of this tragedy? Rod Beck. This tub of shit has been dead for like three days now and not one single urinary salute on a board full of baseball fans.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

THE VICTIMS SO FAR:

1. Nancy "Woman" Sullivan.
2. Daniel Benoit.
3. What shred of innocence was left in wrestling.
4. Scott Hudson.
5. Rod Beck.
6. All the money it cost to blow up Vince's limo.
7. WWE.com's webmaster.
8. C.M. Punk, who might've been booked to win the ECW title.
9. Knowing when it feels right to pee on dead celebrities.
10. Your trust in the guy next to you in the rental car.
11. Ray Gonzalez, clutching a large yellow "You can't see me" poster.

THE WINNERS:

1. Johnny Nitro.
2. Pop-up advertisers on 1wrestling.com.
3. Whoever puts Benoit's weight machine on eBay.
4. The pain.
5. The loneliness.
6. The pain.
7. The frustration.
8. The pain.
9. The dogs who got fed.
10. Whatever women Alternate Universe Daniel Benoit would have grown up and dated.
11. Owen Hart, whose death suddenly seems normal.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chris!! You have to go....BACK TO THE FUTURE.
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Holy shit, I have to order that DVD now to see the mysterious floating world title. And the reappearance of Mae Young's rubber hand.
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3320736&page=1

That's some bullshit right there, he stole Taz's finisher!
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apparently WWE now regrets airing the tribute show on Monday.

So in light of more recent revelations, they have reworked the touching tribute video from Raw for air on this week's Smackdown.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 4:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd recommend a medley of "No More Heroes" and "Let Me Introduce You to the Family" by the Stranglers.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wonder if "The dogs are in the enclosed pool area. Garage side door is open." and "My physical address is 130 Green Meadow Lane." will become this generation's "Bret screwed Bret".
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apparently, Benoit's son suffered from Fragile X Syndrome. I don't know what that is, but it sounds like some TNA gimmick. So maybe Benoit was just being a loyal company man.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nancy Grace interviewed Bret Hart last night. If you guys can find this segment somewhere online, do it. Nancy was totally on top of her game. She dramatically announced with an eyeroll that Benoit went from "being on top of the wrestling world as a member of the Four Horseman to being on....RAW."

"How might this type of DEMOTION affected him?", she added.

Bret gave a pretty normal interview and said he didn't think steroids played a part (duh). Nancy kissed his ass for some reason, which was strange since she's convinced it was ROID RAGE!

Goodnight FRIEND.
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