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The Ultimate World Wrestling Entertainmentİ Thread
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can I have your attention please? I have just received an e-mail from WWE's General Manager. I will now repeat his words as they appear on my computer screen and certainly not off of an index card taped over the keyboard:

Dear GXE Forum members,

I would just like to thank you for your continued viewership of our television product and your intense scrutiny of our storyline quality, which we are always looking to improve. However, please refrain from spreading erroneous rumors about certain performers being pillowed-up versions of already existing talent and "production flaws" that are clearly nothing of the sort. Made in China.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Foleyite wrote:
Mek wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YBu4z4pIZM

"Rougeau Rub" at 3:30


I remember noticing this. It's WM5 or 6, isn't it?

I never did see or notice Sid shitting his pants or John Cena having a boner, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGi10wUIloQ
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harb wrote:
Foleyite wrote:
Mek wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YBu4z4pIZM

"Rougeau Rub" at 3:30


I remember noticing this. It's WM5 or 6, isn't it?

I never did see or notice Sid shitting his pants or John Cena having a boner, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGi10wUIloQ

Linked to the right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmSDHqfaQw8

This is the sequel. I wonder how it "stands up" to the original. Haw!
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 3:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mr Perfect wrote:
Can I have your attention please? I have just received an e-mail from WWE's General Manager. I will now repeat his words as they appear on my computer screen and certainly not off of an index card taped over the keyboard


Vince better have yelled at someone for that. There's no way that the camera guys aren't instructed to shoot Michael Cole's GM laptop podium from certain angles, so we don't see that he's reading from an index card on the keyboard. Way to go, lazy cameraman.

Speaking of laziness, this Nexus angle is getting a little too deus ex machiney for me. There was way too much "Oh man, those guys got attacked backstage. They're out of the SummerSlam match. Oh wow, Mark Henry got shoved into the ringside steps. Well, he can't be on Team WWE." What? He's the World's Strongest Man! Guys get attacked backstage and shoved into those things all the time and they're fine later in the show. It happens in the context of this angle and it's "OH NO, jeez. Nexus really destroyed that guy. He can't be in that match a week from now for sure." And yet, I bet Mark Henry faces Sheamus or The Miz on next week's RAW and will be totally fine.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The WWE is banking on nobody remembering ANYTHING Mark Henry does.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

KaneRobot wrote:
Harb wrote:
Foleyite wrote:
Mek wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YBu4z4pIZM

"Rougeau Rub" at 3:30


I remember noticing this. It's WM5 or 6, isn't it?

I never did see or notice Sid shitting his pants or John Cena having a boner, though.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGi10wUIloQ

Linked to the right:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmSDHqfaQw8

This is the sequel. I wonder how it "stands up" to the original. Haw!


The best part of that video is the comments. "wtf this is gay" Well, you're the one deciding to watch a video called "PRO WRESTLING BULGES AND BONERS". (Although in their defense, I clicked on this link and had no idea I'd end up watching a video entitled (Val Venis voice) PRO WRESTLING BULGES AND BONERS.) ::drops behind bush wearing a purple helmet::
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For that video I preferred this polite exchange:


boyzformimi
1 month ago

who is the one in 0:28 with a yellow boots...



Holmes855
2 weeks ago

@boyzformimi thats cm punk idiot




Also from the inconclusive Cena boner video comments:

MrCenarocks123
4 days ago

@stonecoldfan220 fuck u he does not have a boner you retard fuck u if it is a bonner why do u think he is in a mixed tag team match with beth and maria two of the hotest divas in the wwe so shut the fuck up and dont ever talk to me or i well kick your ass


To be fair, Maria would totally give me a rageing bonner.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 10:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, so exciting, pissed-off good guy Daniel Bryan and Kane-stole-my-powers-cough-wheeze Undertaker are both awesome. In fact, they did such a good job with those ideas that I'm going to download this show faster than usual.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 11:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm pretty excited about this. I was shocked, even though I called it last month. When Cena held up his hand saying "1 more" on his team, I was convinced it was Bryan. I never thought I'd say this, but when Bret Hart came out, my heart sank. Though, I heard that they even utilized Bret very well last night.

Ultimately, I still wish he hadn't been fired to begin with because he would have made Nexus see much more legit, but they apparently cleaned up their mess pretty well last night.

Have you seen though that they ruined this about an hour before it happened? WWE.com posted a complete synopsis of of Bryan's return midway through the PPV. Hopefully it leads to the firing of that poop stain Joey Styles.

And as far as Kane and Undertaker goes......if it doesn't lead to the Undertaker squashing him almost immediately I'll be fine with it. But, the last 10 Kane/Taker feuds have had pretty much the same formula.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2010 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They deserve credit for the Bryan thing. A lot of people thought they'd bring him back, but a lot of people thought it was wishful thinking to think that they'd bring him back in a big way. After all, Vince hates putting over guys he didn't create and they could always use the "the fans don't see him as a big deal!" excuse. But they used his past with the Nexus and The Miz and they put him over like an absolute star in the main event of SummerSlam, with him destroying a guy right away and the commentators saying things along the lines of "Daniel Bryan is here to save WWE!" This really felt like the old days when a WCW/WWF guy jumped ship and the competition treated it as the arrival of a new top-level guy. Maybe he'll be in MVP/Matt Hardy-Land a year from now, but for now, let's keep hope alive. (The only thing I have a problem with is the nonsensical Michael Cole stuff. It just doesn't make sense why he's a mark for The Miz and hates Bryan, while he generally supports faces and hates heels. The "it's to rile up the IWC smart marks" reasoning doesn't really make sense.) Whoever spoiled his return (Styles?) on WWE.com is probably fired. Can we please just blame Ted DiBiase's crappy son for it, so we have an excuse to dump him?

They booked Bret wisely, I thought. He also must be feeling pretty good, because he looked a lot better in that match than he did at WM26. He didn't take a bump and his offense looked better, like he was more confident and felt safer in there.

I know he was selling the "vegetative state" thing, but Undertaker just looks so old and haggard these days. He really looks like he's on his last legs. I can't care about an Undertaker-Kane feud in 2010. I don't see how it's any less worthy of mockery than any of TNA's '90s nostalgia trip angles. The cheesy thing with UT talking like Batman to Mysterio just made me laugh: "YOU EVER HEAR....OF EYE FOR AN EYE.....TOOTH FOR A TOOTH". They also should have shot around the casket a little better. It was completely obvious that Mysterio was resting on a board above someone and that they'd move that board for the reveal. Hey, that casket looks pretty shallow...hey, now The Undertaker's in there and there's plenty of room like a real casket!
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

They need to have Kane make him tap out or something to really push it along. I don't buy the "THEY'RE DOING THIS AGAIN??" thing as a complaint - they feuded in '97, 2004, and now in 2010...I guess you could say there was a whiff of one in summer 2000 as well. But 3 or 4 feuds in 13 years is nothing. I'm willing to bet at least two combos of Orton/Edge/Cena have surpassed that count in a shorter amount of time, and that doesn't get anywhere near the same amount of backlash.

The talking to Rey in the corner thing seemed fine to me. He's been doing that voice since Michael Keaton was Batman so I don't see that as anything worth discussing, other than in the "pro wrestling is cheesy" way. The words weren't really the point anyway, it was the coughing and pausing to show he was still weak from swine flu or whatever Kane gave him. I can only hope this concludes with Undertaker having to steal back a mystical amulet from Zombie Paul Bearer to restore his powers.

I'm assuming he'll get his revenge for his 20th Anniversary at Survivor Series (20th anniversary in the same way WM25 was the 25th anniversary, anyway), but if they keep it interesting until then it should be good.

I don't get the Michael Cole thing. It was actually kind of cool at first but it's out of hand now, to the point where I just want to turn the volume off. Didn't he say something on Raw like "WHEN'S THE LAST TIME HE HEADLINED A SHOW LIKE WRESTLEMANIA OR RAW?" Uh, 24 hours before?

CM Punk's "I Broke Big Show's Hand" is one of the few pro rasslin' shirts I'd buy. I wouldn't pay more than 5 dollars, but I'd buy it.

Still waiting for screenshots of Cena beating up Bizarro Cena.
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 1:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The big question, though: What does Paulie think of the recent developments in the Nexus storyline?



"Your ship is sunk, Rocco.

It sunk."
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

KaneRobot wrote:
They need to have Kane make him tap out or something to really push it along. I don't buy the "THEY'RE DOING THIS AGAIN??" thing as a complaint - they feuded in '97, 2004, and now in 2010...I guess you could say there was a whiff of one in summer 2000 as well. But 3 or 4 feuds in 13 years is nothing. I'm willing to bet at least two combos of Orton/Edge/Cena have surpassed that count in a shorter amount of time, and that doesn't get anywhere near the same amount of backlash.


Eh, it's two old guys revisiting a feud that was first done over a decade ago. Hogan and Piper feuding in '96 wasn't that great either. I feel like the Orton/Batista/Cena/HHH/Edge stuff has gotten its fair share of deserved "ugh, this is stale/lazy" from people. Undertaker and Kane - I find it hard to care about them in general at this point. (Kane moreso than Undertaker, since he's now just a tall, old, bald guy instead of a monster masked guy.) They also did a lame "Kane's looking for who did this to UT" thing, when everybody was just like "We're two steps ahead. We know Kane did it, just hurry up and bring UT back and reveal the completely obvious information". You're right about UT always being cheesy in that way. Just sayin', it made me laugh. Rey Mysterio's awful acting and horrible high-pitched voice also added to the scene. Good lord, I can't stand Rey's voice, especially when he's selling and sounds like an old woman being raped.

This Nexus thing is weird. They're such a destructive force that they stood there like dumbshits while John Cena stood there mocking them for about 11 minutes. Wade Barrett is holding a microphone during this entire time. Not once, did he think to interrupt "SHUT UP JOKING, CENA, WE'RE GONNA DESTROY YOU"? Nah, he's just like "hm, now he's mocking Heath Slater, let me see where he's going with this". The commentary acts like they're a tough group of invaders that are changing the WWE landscape, but the booking treats them like Wade Barrett The Leader, Skip Sheffield The Enforcer and then there's a bunch of Barry Horowitzes and 123 Kids who are lucky to even get a roll-up or count-out win against the WWE Superstars. Justin Gabriel is the guy that finishes off the attacks and they had Randy Orton smiling off his offense and dominating him. I don't really like any of the Nexus guys and a few of them are way too green and all but if you don't believe in these guys, then maybe don't push them in a main event angle? They must have big plans for Daniel Bryan, since they're following through on a feud with The Miz, who's being shoved down our throats as the future of RAW and a godsend by Michael Cole every other minute. But to have Bryan lose to Michael Tarver 24 hours after his big SS performance - what a waste. That "The guy was so distracted, he stayed down for 3 seconds on a roll-up!" finish is so cheap. It makes the guy getting pinned look like a fucking idiot. Do that to some jerk heel distracted by the return of his rival and at least have the distraction lead to a move from behind or the guy turning around and getting nailed by a big move.
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is greatest 900th edition of a show I've ever WAITAMINUTE.

I remember when I was five I went to the OHMYGOD.

To finish garnishing your scrumptious meal, simply WHATSGOINGON.

Then Santa Claus came down the chimney and headed toward the HOWCOULDITBE.

Causality dictates a certain flow, like a candle that begets mist, like a mountain whose rubble is but STONECOLDSTONECOLDSTONECOLD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING MY THREAD, FLOWEYITE AND G INCROCODILE.

BONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The "anonymous GM e-mail sound" gimmick gets more comical every week. Having that e-mail sound go off during an Undertaker/Kane staredown... talk about a shift in tone. It was like hearing a "BOIIIIING!" cartoon-boner-sound in the middle of a horror movie. I still think the "vegetative state" stuff is silly, but I think that they're doing it for a good reason: trying to humanize him and get fans used to the idea of him being beatable and old, so they can phase him out in the next year or so.

I really wish they'd stop booking Bret Hart in "matches". Back in the day, if a celebrity or manager was booked for match, I'd think: "Woah, I wonder how they'll do in a match". WCW is guilty for killing that, where they'd book a celeb, Vince Russo, someone's mom ...hell, sometimes it'd be two top guys who could actually wrestle in a Nitro main event and I'd think "Well, it's not gonna be a match. Obviously, it'll just be some stupid angle." Same thing with these Bret "matches".

I'm fine with the bad guy insulting legends to get booed. But teasing a Stone Cold Steve Austin moment with C.M Punk...and then reminding us that he's not here and that Punk's feuding with The Big Show - it just reminds me that the old days were a lot more exciting. Speaking of the old days, I was surprised to see them make references or show clips of Angle, Foley and Hogan. And knowing WWE, I'm shocked that Hornswoggle being Vince's son, Sheamus winning a battle royal, Cena overcoming some odds and The Miz beating Evan Bourne weren't shown as "all-time great RAW moments".

One positive thing about the show: I, for one, welcome our new Alberto Del Rio overlord.

P.S. Anyone know off-hand how many episodes there have been of Monday Night RAW?
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 8:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Without question, the nostalgic highlight of the 900th episode was the flashback to episode #889.
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Bret Hart wrestling in a singles match" is the post-Attitude Era version of "A Diva will take off her top--TONIGHT!"

You know that no matter how much they advertise such an event, nothing will ever come of it. Though, should such an event ever occur, it'll lead to a lonely, leather-clad 40-year-old grabbing a handful of gooey, curly hair and experiencing a convulsing, heart-racing stroke.

And Bret Hart could get hurt, too.
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PostPosted: Wed Sep 01, 2010 5:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, you have to watch the final 5-10 minutes of yesterday's NXT. This is what happens when you take a bunch of inexperienced guys and put them on television. It was such a cavalcade of sucktacular confusion. First, you have Michael McGillicutty (Mr. Perfect's crappy, generic son) with one of the worst wrestling promos ever. He stands there for half a minute, not looking like a guy taking a dramatic pause but more like a guy trying to remember his lines. He then rambles for a couple of minutes and closes with ::Michael Cole voice:: AND I QUOTE: "And starting this moment, from now? From this moment on..... this'll be the moment....starting now of the genesis.... of (deep voice) McGillicutty." Boy, I can't wait for more crappy, generic sons of awesome '80s/'90s wrestlers. Dibiase Jr. and this guy have already taken years off of my life. Someone send WWE the "talent skips a generation" memo and a Julian Lennon CD.

Then you have the losing NXT rookies attacking the winner, Kaval, and all hell broke loose. Guys looked like they didn't know what they were doing and some of them weren't sure about the face/heel alignment. The good guy half of the WWE Pros come out for the save. MVP hits his boot-in-the-corner move on one of the rookies and the guy no-sells it. He grabs MVP, MVP probably whispers "What the fuck are you doing" to him and then after an awkward grapple, MVP tosses him outside. IRS' crappy son attacks Kaval, while MVP and John Morrison literally stand right next to him and let him hit a move on Kaval. Good job, guys. Alex Riley and Percy Watson attack MVP. Then Riley starts attacking Watson, with Watson trying to break away, probably whispering "what the fuck are you doing". Riley keeps attacking and Watson eventually cooperates. He takes Riley's finisher, but then recovers from it because he was scheduled to be HELPING Riley attack Kaval and stand over the guy at the end of the segment. Then a guy has trouble lifting KAVAL, the tiniest guy in the ring, up for his crappy finisher. IRS' crappy, generic son almost botches a senton, of all moves. (By the way, the WWE Pros are standing outside the ring with referees awkwardly at this point, for some reason.) At the end of the show, you have IRS' crappy son, Mr. Perfect's crappy son, Lucky Cannon, Titus O'Neil, Alex Riley and Percy Watson (yes, guys who were fighting each other a minute ago) standing over Kaval. Great job!

Next week is the season 3 premiere of NXT! It's an ALL-DIVAS NXT. At this rate, NXT will have more seasons than The Simpsons in 7 years! Good thing the show's terrible and will be dropped in a month.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd just like to share a conversation I witnessed today at Friday's:

Guy #1: "Yeah--I'll have the Jack Daniel's Strip and Shrimp."
Waiter: "And how would you like that cooked?"
Guy #1: "Well done."
Waiter: "Okay. ... Two sides."
[Guy #1 shoots an odd look to Guy #2 and then another to the waiter, completely confused. Five seconds of silence elapse as he thinks it over]
Guy #1: "...uhhhhhhh, I'd like both sides of it cooked well."
[Waiter stares at notepad for several seconds before responding]
Waiter: "No--the order comes with two sides." [points to "side orders" on menu]


The point: WWE booking is "Raw" on one side and half-baked on the other.

Thank you for reading.
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote



Are we sure it's not Warrior's kid?
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2010 3:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Warrior's kid will be introduced in Season 9 of NXT. His name will be Champ Peartley.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Warrior's son wanted to be an NFL punt returner, but there's apparently some rule against having to stop for a breather any time you sprint more than 15 yards.
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Warrior's son was a sherpa in Tibet, but 11 mountain climbers plunged to their deaths when he vigorously shook the rope.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monday Night RAW Highlights, September 6, 2010:

1. Edge seriously considers beating up the GM's laptop (complete with full Michael Cole script visibly taped to the keyboard), before restraining himself.

2. Daniel Bryan Danielson considers beating up a magazine cover, before not restraining himself. He totally kicks the magazine cover's ass.

3. A preview of the upcoming John Cena movie "Legendary," promoted by WWE as a special attraction that's only being made available at a few exclusive theaters. Or as Spinal Tap's manager put it, "I'd say their appeal is becoming more selective."

4. One minute into his over-the-top-rope elimination match, the Great Khali obliviously steps out over the top rope. The referee sees noooothing.

5. Alicia Fox vows to become the "undefined champion." She does not.

6. Sitting at the announcers table, both John Cena and Edge organically and conversationally mentioned (and mentioned, and mentioned) how Wade Barrett has proven he belongs because he can "hang" with the big boys. Fellow big boy Randy Orton beats Barrett.

R.I.P. NEXUS' PUSH, JULY 2010 - AUGUST 2010
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

HelloDes wrote:
Monday Night RAW Highlights, September 6, 2010:

1. Edge seriously considers beating up the GM's laptop (complete with full Michael Cole script visibly taped to the keyboard), before restraining himself.


I enjoyed Edge doing the Scott Hall Giant impression. But the rest of that segment was a trainwreck. Honestly, is it that hard never to have a camera behind the podium? Just don't shoot from that angle and we won't see Cole's scripts every week. The Edge/Khali "matches" were a waste of time. My favorite GM things of the week were definitely Jericho yelling "WHO IS IT?!" "I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO IT IS, COLE!" and the guy with the "AND I QUOTE" sign.

HelloDes wrote:
2. Daniel Bryan Danielson considers beating up a magazine cover, before not restraining himself. He totally kicks the magazine cover's ass.


I think the crowd wanted him to rip the cover in half. It seems like Miz does this "I was a reality show guy and no one respected me, but look at me now!" promo every other month. Yeah, no one respected you because you sucked. Now a lot of people respect you, (though opinions on you are still varied). Whatever. It also seems a little counterproductive to talk about how Miz has come a long way all the time, since we're supposed to boo him.

HelloDes wrote:
3. A preview of the upcoming John Cena movie "Legendary," promoted by WWE as a special attraction that's only being made available at a few exclusive theaters. Or as Spinal Tap's manager put it, "I'd say their appeal is becoming more selective."


I thought of this exact scene when WWE was hyping up how it was a 'privilege' for certain theaters to get the movie. I still want someone to explain to me how "I WANT MY SON BACK BUT I STILL DONT KNOW HOW" makes sense as a sentence.

HelloDes wrote:
5. Alicia Fox vows to become the "undefined champion." She does not.


Don't forget Miz being mad that Daniel Bryan "took his place on Smackdown". Alicia Fox was so terrible on the mic that I actually found myself rooting for Ms. Fake-smile, let-me-do-a-move-where-I-incorporate-the-splits-even-though-it-doesn't-really-make-sense-to-and-makes-The-People's-Elbow-look-realistic.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 7:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Foleyite wrote:
let-me-do-a-move-where-I-incorporate-the-splits-even-though-it-doesn't-really-make-sense-to-and-makes-The-People's-Elbow-look-realistic.


Show some respect, wiseapple. That totally plausible and scientific maneuver is called "the Moose Knuckle Shuffle."
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't understand why they don't just put some real emails up on the laptop screen for Cole to read instead of using the cards. It's a fucking computer, it'd probably be easier to do than actually writing out the cards.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 07, 2010 8:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really wanted Edge to smash the laptop and have candy fly out all over the place.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cole: "Can I have your attention please"
Jericho: "OF COURSE YOU HAVE AN E-MAIL YOU IDIOT, JUST READ IT"

Cole: "May I have your attention"
Jericho: "SHUT UP! JUST READ IT!"

Cole: "You are going to be competing tonight in a handicap match"
Jericho: ::drops mic, looking frustrated::
Cole: "And it will take place in a steel cage."
Jericho: "TELL ME HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS. AND I QUOTE: WHAT'S HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS?"

WWE and the wrestling world will be such a poorer place, once Jericho finally decides to leave for good to focus on his game-show hosting, singing in a metal band, commenting on VH1 countdowns, acting, carpentry skills, etc.
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Harb



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PostPosted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 3:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with your assessment of Jericho. This is definitely my favorite incarnation of his character. Granted, I didn't watch much of the "Ralphus" era.

Also, WWE NXT was pure gold last night. All of the girls showed more personality than most of the divas on the current roster. The jokes segment was wonderful not because the jokes were good, but because they were so bad. AJ losing her mind and attacking two of the other girls was great, especially when she let loose on Kaitlyn setting up the biggest joke cliffhanger since John Bender's in the Breakfast Club.

Next was the always great Vickie Guerrero. Josh Matthews is fantastic and should be on Raw with Cole (Sorry Mr. King). Last but not least is of course Cole himself and the random Gong at ringside. They finally decide to give someone a forum to admit what a failure NXT is and in the process accidentally entertained me.

Next week, back to pure suckage I'm sure.
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

NOC Predictions:

I think they just might put the belt on Wade Barrett to prove that they aren't done with this Nexus nonsense. Of course, winning the title in a 6-man match does nothing for the guy or the title, but WWE is fond of the non-push push these days. Sheamus may have to hand over the "MAN, THIS GUY'S DOMINANT! HE NEVER BEATS THE TOP GUYS REALLY BUT MAN CAN YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME A GUY WAS THIS DOMINANT" title over to Barrett. The only guy who ever benefits from title matches with 4, 5 or 6 guys in them is if the champ retains because then he can do the "I RETAINED! EVEN AGAINST A BUNCH OF GUYS!" thing. I don't think this is a spoiler as much as evidence of how WWE sees their current roster, but the DirecTV preview for tomorrow's RAW says: "Did Randy Orton or John Cena win the WWE championship?"

I think they'll let Kane retain to continue the "Kane has the upper hand this time!" story with The Undertaker, who's still coughing. I've never seen someone manhandle UT like this. But UT will probably just win a cage match with him at the next PPV anyway, so whatever. Maybe UT will have some cough drops by then.

Undertaker: "So I've basically been in a coma for a while and now I've awakened from a vegetative state."
Vince: "Yeah. So sell the effects a little."
Undertaker: "How do people who've just awakened from a coma act?"
Vince: "Hell if I know, just cough a lot."

I'm curious to see how they'll book Bryan/Miz. They're shoving Miz down our throats as the future, he's already got the Money in the Bank title shot and it's pretty obvious they're going to elevate him. In the old days, I would expect a clean Bryan win to get him over as a big deal. Miz is in the territory The Rock was in in the summer of '98. Drop the belt and lose clean. You're gonna be main eventing next month, anyway. But these days, WWE goes overboard protecting the guys they're trying to sell as top stars. So even if Cena, Orton, UT or lately Miz don't really need the win - they usually get them anyway.

In matches no one really cares about: I think they'll have Melina unify (or undefine) the two womens' titles, Ziggler will retain his title because Kofi Kingston has already won mid-card titles over the last two years and no one cared then either, The Hart Dynasty will have a heatless match with a makeshift team, and Kevin Nash will defeat Samoa Joe- woops, I'm sorry- The Big Show will beat C.M Punk. Got my boring feuds between old '90s WCW stars and good worker/indy darlings mixed up.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Punk is definitely one of those great "WCW vanilla midgets who management STILL wouldn't elevate even if everyone in the company was killed in a 12-plane collision except Brian Adams and Van Hammer," in the classic Jericho-Benoit-Malenko-Pillman sense. A cog for the cognoscenti.

And we're not even getting all of Punk's best C.M.edy on television. At a house show a couple of weeks ago, Punk lost the final match and just lay there "unconscious" while the lights came up, and the audience cleared out, and literally while the crew was disassembling the ring around him. He must have been winning a bet with somebody.

Last week, he pulled out a cell phone in the ring, had a "private conversation," and then told the audience, "I have an important message from Vicki Guerrero. She says 'Excuse me'."
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, I was wrong about the 6-Pack Challenge match. That was surprising and I'm not sure I see the point of it. If they're intent on anointing Orton as "THE guy" (again), you'd think they'd build up to him winning the title (again) more and have it happen at a show bigger than "Night of Champions". Jericho being RKOed and eliminated in about 60 seconds (and forgotten once he left the match) leads me to believe that he may not have worked out a new deal. This wasn't that bad, but I hate these matches. It's just two guys having a match, while a few other guys lay around outside the ring recovering from the devastating effects of clotheslines and stomps. So there's about 15 dull minutes of clotheslines and stomping and then everyone hits their finisher in the span of 3 minutes at the end and we're supposed to buy it as some crazy, exciting match. I did laugh at the Cena interview where he said "There's about a 35% chance I will get booed here!" and the crowd unleashed MASSIVE boos, to which he replied "Ok, 75%".

Kane/UT went exactly how I thought it would go and I thought it was pretty boring, but hey, I don't care about this storyline or either of these guys. I'm still assuming that UT beats Kane in the end, but they definitely seem to be preparing fans for UT's retirement. He was dominated for about 15 minutes and tombstoned. The commentary reminded me of the commentary from the Hogan-Yoko match at KOR '93 ("Are we seeing the end of Hulkamania?!") and the tail-end of Bret Hart's WWF run where they kept calling him "the legendary Bret Hart" and drawing attention to him being older.

Bryan/Miz was pretty good. That has to be the best match the Miz has ever had. Alex Riley should capitalize on the gimmick of being the guy that tries to interfere and clumsily runs into the ringpost or fucks up every time.

The first two matches weren't bad, but they felt like RAW/Smackdown matches. Punk flew all over the place and tried his damndest to get fans to boo him, but they still chanted his name and the match was just 4 minutes of nothing. Of course, Punk lost cleanly to The Big Show. So if you're keeping track, Punk's 2010 has consisted of losing a lopsided feud to Rey Mysterio Jr. and losing a lopsided feud to The Giant. Maybe they can bring Booker T back or sign Disco Inferno, so Punk can lose to the entire WCW Class of '96.

I was foolish to bet against Mrs. Undertaker. I was also foolish to watch this match. The lumber"jills" beat the crap out of Mrs. Undertaker when she was out of the ring and left Melina alone. So, the heel overcame the odds to win the match. Must be nice being Mrs. Undertaker.

The tag match was a waste. After months of being tag champs, the Hart Dynasty lose the belts by losing to the worthless Usos (who they've beaten a hundred times) in about two minutes. If the end goal was to put the belts on a different set of faces, I could see it. But the end was Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes winning the belts. Why not have the Harts win 3 matches, but be too tired to make it through the last match? (Especially if the next tag feud is going to be Harts-M/R.) Seems a little silly and it seems unfair to the tag champs that they'd have to basically win 4 matches in a row to keep their titles in the first place. Pairing Cody Rhodes up with a boring guy and putting a tag belt on him. Uh yeah, we've tried this experiment before, guys.
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KaneRobot



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 1:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And best new entrance music goes to Bryan Danielson Bryan.
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Mr Perfect
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 2:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cole has to be the mystery GM if they keep showing the card that's so obviously taped to the keyboard. Some wrestler can call him out on it, leading to the revelation.

Or he's not the GM, and the guy who's been producing all such segments is a special mix of oblivious and incompetent.
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HelloDes



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

KaneRobot wrote:
And best new entrance music goes to Bryan Danielson Bryan.


The Miz: "He went from generic heavy metal music to this? What are we, in Star Wars, Star Trek, what is this?"
The Michael Cole: "What a nerd! I think he wants to be one of the stormtroopers!"

Leaving aside the heel announcing shtick... and even if these guys' WWE-centric musical tastes and knowledge only run the gamut from Saliva to Sevendust to Staind, and their idea of classical music is "War Pigs," and when you say Beethoven they think of a big dog...

...haven't either one of these goofs ever heard Elmer Fudd sing "Kill the wabbit?"

Were Ric Flair and Randy Savage also hopeless geek characters with losers' music?
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think Miz may actually not know the difference between the 'Imperial March' and 'Ride of the Valkyries'. It's not like it's a famous piece of music. It's only been used in about 5,000 movies and shows. It's been used in almost everything BUT Star Wars and Star Trek.

This Michael Cole stuff is ridiculous. Some people are defending it by saying he's now a heel and that he's doing a good job at it. First off, a heel play-by-play guy never works. They tried it with Jim Ross in '96 and it didn't work (and Ross may have been slightly better at this wrestling-announcing thing than Cole.) If Cole is SUPPOSED to be a heel, he's actually doing a horrible job at it. What kind of heel freaks out over John Cena doing a dropkick like it's The Great Khali hitting a moonsault? A heel should not be helping promote Cena's crappy straight-to-DVD movie and praising The Apex Predator The Viper Randy Orton all night. Would Bobby Heenan have been a better heel if he had marked out over Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior on commentary? And I know we're in the age where we're all smart to the business, but starting with NXT, they have Cole breaking kayfabe all over the place in this really odd way where he's openly burying guys for being "boring" and praising guys for having charisma - completely disregarding the rules of wrestling & completely downplaying winning matches and titles.
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cole's whole character is completely schizo. It's not just that his current personality constantly shifts between jaded wisecracker and happy-go-lucky shill--he's forced by those parameters to be a fan of The Miz while also cheerleading for John Cena, who he should hate in comparison.

It has potential to be an interesting character if they can settle on a single persona, then run with it and tie it into something larger. Or they can, as I fear they're doing, turn him into another of Vince's figurative creations as a representation of WWE's desired customer (hates perceived Internet favorites and smaller wrestlers, loves any wrestler who's purely a product of WWE developmental, thinks Jim Ross is overrated, enjoys seeing unseasoned performers embarrassed, recognizes production/creative flaws as the fault of the wrestlers, etc.).

From that end, you can see why his character is so conflicted.
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GIncognto



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PostPosted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you think of him, Mikey?
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Foleyite



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PostPosted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 3:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everyone always talks about what a genius Paul Heyman was because he highlighted people's strengths and covered up their weaknesses with really good booking in ECW. WWE is taking it to the next LEVEL by taking the opposite approach. Most of the current WWE roster is boring and bad, but you shouldn't have your announcers telling me that. 'Weeds' and 'The Office' don't have their characters making meta jokes about how their shows have sucked for the last few seasons.

I thought I gave up on the future Wrestlecrap induction known as NXT after the season 2 finale, because I didn't even care to watch something for "so bad, it's hilariously awesome" reasons anymore. But Harb's post intrigued me, so I watched the last couple of episodes. It was sort of worth it. C.M. Punk was basically Tom Servo on this last episode. His callbacks to Michael Cole screaming "I WAS A WAR CORRESPONDENT!" last week made me chuckle each time. ("There's gotta be a war somewhere he's corresponding at".) He also made a Mongo McMichael's dog reference.

Other Punk highlights:

Punk: "She likes thin mints, that's her problem. I clearly would have went for the samoas."

Josh: "Luche libre -style of AJ."
Punk: "It was an armdrag. Americans do armdrags."

Punk: "This is vintage Maxine right here."
Josh: "She's had, like, one match!"
Punk: "It's vintage."

Punk: "This show is bad with or without you, but thank you for coming." (while shaking Michael Cole's hand)

Naomi: "Honestly... I can't think of anything to say... about a toupee right now."
Punk: "Well, that IS honesty."
Naomi: "Anyway, aren't we here to wrestle?"
Punk: (in a correctional tone) "No.."

Punk: "You know, it's funny, I'm actually not wearing pants and that's how I watch NXT every single week."

This guy didn't get all of 'em, but here's most of 'em:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YALSvyje8no
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